u/QuirklessShiggy

This is kind of a ramble and I dont know why im writing this, im just really stressed and want to feel less alone i guess? see if anyone else struggles with the same OCD focus?

A couple years ago I got a cold sore. This wasn't my first one, I've gotten them as long as I can remember. But for some reason this last one caused me to develop (or emerge?) OCD. I have a couple other OCD themes, but the biggest and most stressful one is cold sores.

Cold sores are contagious from the first tingle that signifies the virus has reactivated, so it's contagious before you even see it. It seems like most people know their tell, what type of feeling they have (as it can vary between burning, itching, tingling, etc. depending on person) and can identify it early, start treatment, and start taking precautions to not spread it. Cold sores can also spread to other parts of your body if you're not careful with it.

Both of these things terrify me. But I should be able to identify it when it itches or tingles in that spot, right?

Wrong.

Since that last sore, I've had pretty much daily itching, burning, tingling, etc. in my lip, in multiple spots including the cold sore location. Looking into this the last couple of years, it seems like it could be a combination of nerve damage from my last sore, and psychosomatic symptoms from OCD caused by anxiety surrounding cold sores. (I think nerve damage is also a factor because that area has been discolored/look different/been more sensitive since my last sore. It's rare to get lasting scars/nerve damage from cold sores, but it can happen, probably means I didn't do great with treating my last one.)

So instead, I am anxious every single day. I'm constantly terrified that I'm having prodromal (pre-) symptoms and that it's already contagious. This has been happening for years without another sore developing.

This anxiety is so bad that I will spend hours looking in the mirror trying to see any indication of a cold sore forming. If I feel a feeling, I look at my lip. It's become a cycle. I also reassurance seek via my fiance which has caused stress on our relationship because my OC pushes back against the reassurance even when im seeking it (They understand it's the OCD and don't hold it against me, but they get overwhelmed with it sometimes as they are neurodivergent as well). There have been times that I had food getting cold in the other room and instead looked at my lip in the mirror for hours until my food was cold and gross.

The worst part I think is that I can't even try to fight the fear with "it won't happen, that's an illogical fear" because it can, and most likely will happen. I've gotten cold sores throughout my life, and I will eventually get another one, and probably more after that. It's not an illogical "something that can't happen" fear, its a very highly probability that I will get another sore.

And to add to that anxiety, because I get these feelings every day, I'm terrified that I won't know when it is actually a sore, and that I'll ignore it trying to tell myself it's just anxiety feelings/ocd/whatever, and then a sore will develop and itll have already been contagious for a day or so before.

I am working on this in therapy, we're working on delaying reassurance seeking and looking at my lip. I have a timer on my fitbit I'm supposed to set after looking, and not look again until after that timer goes off, or longer if I can manage it. I do struggle with this though and still break the timer semi-often despite trying not to.

I don't know why I'm typing this, I guess I'm just looking for support? To vent? Maybe for others with the same or similar OCD focus?

Advice is welcome. No reassurance please as I'm supposed to be working on that.

Hi friends. This isn't really a trans specific question, sorry, but this is the most comfortable place I feel asking this since its primarily due to dysphoria. I worry other spaces wouldn't understand the dysphoria aspect or even shame me for it.

I'm trans masculine (he/they). I rarely get my period thanks to birth control, but I do get some spotting every few months where I have to wear period products for a day or two. Much more manageable and less dysphoria inducing than before. But I'm still really struggling with wearing period products.

Pads give dysphoria and are also generally uncomfortable, also make me itchy sometimes? (might be the adhesive? I seem to have issues with some adhesives like in bandages?) Tampons still cause dysphoria and are uncomfortable thanks to vaginismus. I haven't tried period cups but I assume those would be equally as uncomfortable.

So the most comfortable option would probably be period panties. But I've heard some bad things about some of them? Like some of them have stuff that can cause cancer? So I'm worried about getting the wrong brand. Are there brands that are safe/don't have these things? would it be okay since it's only a couple days every few months?

thanks yall ❤️

So we've already found a couple alternatives we like, but we want to make sure we are fully decided on an app before fully inputting information.

So far the two alternatives we've liked most are Constellations and Pluralspace, though we've mainly used pluralspace as we enjoy their relationship map maker better (we personally find it annoying to use on Constellations unfortunately)

But are there any other good alternatives we should check out before deciding?

If it helps, the main features we enjoy are:

- Custom Fields

- Working groups/tags

- Relationship mapping (or even just a list on each profile showing relationships, doesn't have to be a map)

- Ability to write journals to traumadump in (This means the journal needs to be fully private and we need to be allowed to talk about taboo trauma topics in our private journal) (Ability to give journals tags is a plus but not a requirement!)

- Specific section for roles tag similar to pluralspace (this would be nice to have, but not a requirement, since we can achieve this ourselves via custom fields if needed)

- We are willing to use browser if needed, but would prefer platforms that have both web and app versions and sync across each other, as we tend to use our PC for information input and then mobile for small edits, showing fiance things, etc. Totally okay if an app version is planned but not yet released as well, as I know a lot of these platforms are very new, and making an app and getting it onto stores takes time.

- Ability to have friends who can see system information you allow them to see (Another one that would be nice, but not required)

- Habits/Task list. We haven't seen a platform have this, but it's something we've thought about and think would be cool to have if any platform has done it!

I don't really care about front tracking features as we don't use them (we forget to update after switches anyway, so it's not useful for us). We mainly use these platforms for information keeping, memory writing, traumadumps, etc.

PLEASE don't suggest AI coded platforms. We are not willing to argue about this, it is our personal preference for our safety and peace of mind.

Thank you friends :D

So I've noticed sometimes, OCD fears can be partially comforted by the fact that they will likely never actually happen. Especially when one is in recovery, they can take comfort in the fact that their fear will never happen and re-trigger their OCD (though other things might). And when I'm looking at some OCD stuff, the theme of "your fear won't happen, its unrealistic because that's what OCD does" is common.

The issue with this is... My fear *will* happen eventually. Multiple times. My whole life. My OCD causing fear is around cold sores. I've had cold sores my whole life, with infrequent outbreaks (used to be once a year, seems to be longer this time). But it will happen, likely multiple times, throughout my life. And I'm scared that every time it happens, it'll re-trigger the OCD. I never had this issue with previous sores, but for some reason my last sore triggered this OCD. I'm still trying to recover like 2 years later, and I'm so scared that I'll end up in recovery/finally feeling free of the OCD (i know it can never be "cured" but it can be managed) and then have a sore and it re-trigger everything and set me back to square one...

How do you deal with this? How do you keep a triggering event from re-triggering when it happens again?