u/Quirky-Abrocoma-3630

My mother passed a few months ago and i cant help but want to interact with games that have something to do with a mom dying! I guess its my way of trying to cope with everything that has happened and im feeling a pull towards certain games and shows.

For example I want to replay Persona 5 and immerse myself in Futaba's Palace. And Ive really been wanting to rewatch Steven universe as well. I guess I am realizing i can connect with these characters and relate to them differently than before. I feel like its going to tear me up though but I can't stop thinking about it. Just wondering if anyone has had similar experiences.

Ok so I was diagnosed with Ocd about a year ago and so I know its a little related to that(im doing erp)

But an intrusive thought i keep having is my head violently exploding. It would be fine if It only happened once ir twice but most of the time its so repetitive and its like a video playing in my head over and over. Its so vivid and disgusting and detailed I just want to run Away from myself! But im stuck and the thought repeats so many times and it will speed up too like im watching a funny edit.

My ocd therapist just keeps telling me that I cant let the thought bother me, and i dont! Im not trying to avoid it (its impossible to anyway) and im not trying to supress it either. Its just so graphic and disturbing and ugly and it will stick around for like 30 minutes when I'm trying to relax or sleep or when Im working.

Do I just have to be okay with seeing my brain matter splatter against the wall 100 times in 10 minutes?? Or is there something I'm missing.