She’s just so insufferable. It’s so frustrating wanting to root for her when she consistently plays the victim and makes issues bigger than they need to be. I know she’s still a Sandoval dick rider to this day so that also doesn’t help either. It’s just unfortunate.
Not satire but I didn't know what flair to use... and sorry in advance if this is long.
My partner and I have been together for 5 years and have struggled with having sex for about 3; it actually got worse when we started living together. I have a much higher sex drive and my partner has ADHD and a stressful job. We have sex maybe a handful of times a year. Last year was particularly rough, personally, for both of us and we went almost an entire year with nothing.
I am a chronic over-thinker and kinda insecure, but mostly just lack confidence. I have a hard time verbally communicating when I'm horny and I feel like it's the biggest obstacle honestly. I've tried code words, asked what nonverbal queues I could give to indicate that it's on my mind (she can't think of any), setting a "guaranteed" day of the month, and just none of them work. My partner is just not receptive to anything except me outright saying "I want to have sex soon" and even then, I can't necessarily say it and it happen in the moment; we usually have to have advance notice and then we plan a date for it, and then it still doesn't always happen. I have told her that I am practically always down, and that if it's ever on her mind I'd like for her to tell me, but that's only happened I think twice. We don't even make out. I would be content with just making out and only having sex occasionally, but I still can't ever get myself to just ask. Idk why I can't just do it.
When it's been a couple of months (like now), I get really frustrated and I feel like I just make everything 10x worse. I find myself resenting her, taking things she says way too personally, and pulling away from her. I will build myself up for hours to just say something, literally ANYthing that would help her understand what's on my mind, but I just think and think and think, then by the time we go to bed I haven't said anything, and I cry to myself once she's asleep so that I don't make the situation worse.
We have had many, many conversations about this, and our only major disagreements are typically stemmed from this issue. It's always a cycle, though. We talk about it and how I'm feeling and why I'm so distressed, then we make a plan, the plan falls through for one reason or another, she apologizes and says we'll try again, and then it just doesn't happen and the cycle starts over.
I love my girlfriend. Do not tell me to break up with her lol. I genuinely want to be with her for the rest of my life. She is my best friend and we are very compatible in every other way. And I don't even necessarily think we are incompatible sexually, we have a great time when we do get to have sex, I think we just have drastically different libidos and love languages.
I know I need to work on my confidence and communication. And I need to not shut her out when it starts to feel really heavy (I'm one of those "I'm fine" even when I'm not people...) I just don't know how to get out of the negative thought cycle to just say what I need to say. I have such a deeply rooted fear of rejection, and I have expressed that this makes me feel rejected by her even though she technically hasn't. Just call me the self-sabotage queen, I guess?
Anyway, thank you for reading if you got all the way through this. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to make verbal communication easier for me.
Also, no, opening the relationship is not an option. <3