u/Quizleteer

The week before last, I think my boss was having a really bad day because he overreacted to a minor mistake I made at work, the first mistake I've made since I started 9 months ago. I was able to quickly fix the issue before the project was due. Even so, he went on to tell me how disappointed he was in me and how he's unsure that I have the capabilities to continue doing my job.

I was completely blindsided because, up until now, he has been nothing but supportive and encouraging and has given me tons of praise for the great work I've been putting in. I've also gotten very positive feedback from teammates, cross functional partners, and my skip level, as well. It was such a traumatizing experience that it took me a few days to pull myself together. Where I was once happy and confident in my job, I've been feeling a lot of insecurity, fear, and self-doubt. My workload has suddenly become a lot lighter, and manager has barely interacted with me. Now, at the end of the work day, I see that he's put an extra-long 1:1 on my calendar for tomorrow.

I feel like I'm going to throw up. I'm absolutely sick with worry. I'm so afraid that I'm about to lose my job. If it was just me, I don't think I could care less. I'm so sick of the corporate grind and mind games. However, as the primary provider for my family the thought of being unemployed again (I was job hunting for 8 months last year before I landed this contract) is absolutely soul-crushing. I think I have PTSD from past work toxicity and trauma. I feel shaky, short of breath, and like my heart is going to beat its way out of my chest.

How do I keep myself from losing my mind before tomorrow's call? 🥺