u/QuotidianGlow0214

I don't think there's anything wrong with a movement that focuses on women (as long as they do not aim to harm men). Kinda like how animal rights activists focus on helping animals, but they don't (typically) believe that that should happen at the expense of human rights/lives. The individuals involved care about both, but the *movement* is focused on just one. I think the "feminism is about helping men,too" thing turns every conversation about women's rights into a "which gender has it worse" war. Once you say you're prioritizing both, it invites the comparisons about which gender's issue is more pressing.

It also makes it easier to de-center women. We've seen a million "How does feminism help men" posts. People never ask the MRAs how they help women. That's because no one is expecting them to focus on helping us. We used to be called the "women's liberation movement", and that was fine with us. It kinda feels like we "all lives matter"-ed ourselves. FWIW, most feminists I know disagree with me on this. I understand their reasons ("we need to work together", "it gets more men on board with the cause", etc). But I still feel how I feel. Does anyone else have any perspective on this?

It's fine to offer solicited advice/ a woman's perspective about legit issues (hygiene, rudeness, etc). But, automatically assuming rejection is the guy's fault is rude and reinforces bad ideas.(Note- I already know "not all men/women". This is for the women/men for whom it would apply.)

• Bad Idea 1: "Pulling b**tches matters". Many guys use women as status symbols. Baselessly equating rejection with personal failure essentially is agreeing to our own objectification.
• Bad Idea 2: "Women need/always have a reason". We say men "aren't entitled to relationships", but then give them an "romantic success to-do list". A lot of attraction is just emotional instinct. Emotions can be strengthened by logic, but they aren't usually created by it. Women don't always have a "fair" reason, and we don't need one. It's not a personality flaw to reject men OR to be rejected by women. (Btw, to the "women only care about money/looks" guys:  if you think women are such shallow, bad people, but you still want a gf, it's probably because of "bad idea 1". You deserve to be unhappy. Argue with the wall.)
• GOOD Idea 1: "Be realistic". Frequent rejection hurts, but 100% "courtship equality" is a pipe dream. For nearly all animal species, males compete for females. Expecting women to behave like men when we're not made like men is unreasonable. Changing social norms could even the scales, but the biological stuff likely won't change. We can't control how many offers we get any more than you can. If you think women have a lot of options, then you should expect a lot of rejections. We can't say yes to everybody (esp considering how you treat the women who do). 
• Good Idea 2: "Learn from feminism." Feminism popularized the idea of "de-centering men" ("A woman's worth is not measured in male attention", "Don't change yourself for men", etc). Try that. De-center women and romance. Rejection hurts less when you aren't using female attention to determine your self-worth. 
• Good Idea 3: "Learn from the "women supporting women" thing, too". Men take breakups/rejections harder due, in part, to underdeveloped social circles. Support each other. ATP, I'm over hearing how "no one cares about men". If "NO ONE cares", that includes you. Start caring. And skip the "society says we can't" excuse. DO IT ANYWAY. Feminism wasn't "socially acceptable" either, but it still happened.(Also, how exactly is society stopping you from privately checking on each other? Does society have access to your texts?) You can skip the "feminists will try to stop us" crap, too. Feminists fought for the anti-sex discrimination laws men would use to support their own case. Men's rights are further ahead with feminism than they would have been without it (again, argue with the wall). Also, EVERY social movement had opposition. Black people had their churches bombed. Gay people were imprisoned. Feminists were thrown in asylums. They did it anyway. Stop pretending you can't do something that's already been done SEVERAL times by people who were facing significantly higher stakes.