Feeling guilty for holding boundaries - not letting parents see grandchild
Would love to hear your perspectives or thoughts.
We went no contact with my own parents right before having our second kid. For my mental health it's been great and while my partner and I had our issues postpartum I know it was the right decision but really hard for me as a chronic people pleaser. Parents have shown a mix of BPD, narcissistic tendencies. Parents also think my partner is not "good enough" and are just really inappropriate and elitist. Typical immigrant first daughter parentification. Parents were super controlling and overbearing. Most conversations with them are just them criticizing and complaining and I'm so exhausted being with them. Took having my own kid to realize to enforce boundaries and prioritize my own family instead of others needs.
They've reached out a few times only to ask to see the second kid.
However, recently, given everyone's older age and some family members passing away - I'm racked with guilt about my own parents never meeting my own kid. It's so weird bc I know parents are not great but are they so terrible that they don't get to see their grandkids? (I dunno maybe this is my people pleasing side).
I'm trying to work through it as there is one side of me that wants to keep holding boundaries and supporting my partner and my mental health. Even just the mention of reconnecting even just once a year is enough for them to go ballistic especially since they have made no effort to change.
However, my first is always asking me about grandparents and family etc. my parents are not in the best health and I know I will feel like shit for not even letting them see their second grandkid.
We are in couples and individual therapy and it's not as helpful as we would want.
I just feel torn and exhausted.