Am I wrong for stopping my daughter’s overnight visits after my parents kept ignoring our rules?
My daughter is 8 and has been staying overnight with my parents about once a month for the last two years. She loves going there, and I was genuinely happy that she had such a close relationship with them.
The problem is that my parents treat every rule we give them like an optional suggestion.
At first, it was mostly small things. They would let her stay up until midnight, give her ridiculous amounts of sweets, or send her home without having brushed her teeth. I didn’t love it, but I accepted that grandparents are going to spoil their grandchildren sometimes.
Then they started ignoring rules that were actually about her health.
My daughter has mild asthma, and we’ve repeatedly asked them not to use their wood-burning fireplace when she stays because the smoke can trigger her symptoms. They agreed every time. But she came home twice smelling strongly of smoke and eventually admitted that Grandpa had lit it because “one evening wouldn’t hurt.”
I spoke to them again, explained that this wasn’t just a preference, and made it very clear that the fireplace needed to stay off while she was there. They acted like they understood.
The last overnight was what finally ended it for me.
My daughter takes a daily medication before bed. It isn’t for a life-threatening condition, but missing doses causes problems. My parents have written instructions, and we even set an alarm on their phone so they wouldn’t have to remember on their own.
When I picked her up on Sunday, my mom casually mentioned that they had forgotten the medication Saturday night because everyone fell asleep while watching a movie.
Then my daughter told me they had also driven her without her booster seat because Grandpa had removed it from the car and didn’t feel like putting it back for a short trip.
When I got upset, my dad said I was acting like they had put her in “mortal danger” and accused me of looking for reasons not to trust them. My mom said they had successfully raised three children and didn’t need to be supervised by me.
I told them there would be no more overnight visits for now.
They can still see her at our house, take her out during the day, or spend time with her while my husband or I are nearby. But she will not stay overnight again until they show that they can follow the health and safety rules we set.
They’re furious and say I’m punishing both them and my daughter over a few harmless mistakes.
My daughter is upset too and keeps asking why she can’t sleep at Grandma’s anymore, which makes me feel terrible. My brother says I’m overreacting because nothing bad actually happened and that I should give them “one final warning.”
The thing is, I feel like they’ve already had several final warnings.
I’m not expecting perfection. I understand that grandparents might allow extra dessert or a later bedtime. But forgetting medication, ignoring a known asthma trigger, and driving her without the proper seat doesn’t feel like normal grandparent spoiling.
Nothing bad happened this time, but I don’t think I should have to wait until something does.
Am I wrong for stopping the overnight visits even though my daughter loves staying with them?