Nothing, just wanted to share a sudden thought I had.
I just, out of the blue, was thinking, what if, I and my parents knew I had ADHD all along? How different life would be. Then, I thought, what if, like in Harry Potter, someone like Hagrid came in busting the door while me and my parents sit and said "u/RandomGaMeRj14, you have ADHD"....
And, that my friends, was my weird thought. Thanks for reading.
Currently reading a book "Lost Wonders" by Tom Lathan. The first chapter is on microsnails, so based on the image in the book and colour description of their shell, made this. The top wide part is folded and continues above the book.
Mods, remove this post if not appropriate for the sub, I just wanted to talk about this, so posted here.
Hi everybody. Male in my 20s.
I have talked about many of my distractions, habits and all with a few friends and psychiatrist, but I have always kept this one side hidden, coz I am sort of ashamed of it but keep on returning to it again and again. I first discovered it around 8th grade accidentally (long story) and the dopamine boost it gave me, the act of masturbation became my go to dopamine source when I felt exhausted.
Going to a college in a field I had no interest in (another long story) didn't help it, it kinda reinforced that behaviour. I came home from college everyday, shut my door saying I am taking a bath, and masturbated daily to some porn videos. It became a habit. Whenever I feel tired and nothing can fix the need for dopamine, I immediately go for either porn or objectifying stuff and masturbate, it has become like a reflex now in both directions, boredom to masturbation, and masturbating coz virtual stimulus. I see skimpily dressed women online, my hands automatically reach for masturbation. I hear or read suggestive stuff, I feel an urge to masturbate.
Its not I have not tried to break this trend. I have even been succesful a few times, once I went about 2 weeks, and then some stressor happened, and I was back to pavillion. I am diagnosed ADHD and on medication right now, it has helped, but this sequence has become a pattern in my head, which I cant seem to get out of. Irl, I am heavily masked, so that side never comea out, but that makes me feel more ashamed, that the same guy around which women feel safe coz he is masking, is a guy who goes home and oggles on women he has never met, maybe even manufactured beauty.
I never justify what I do that it is coz ADHD I do this, I know inherently this is wrong. Not masturbation, not sex, but involuntarily returning to it everytime as a dopamime source, and I want to stop this cycle. Any advice and suggestions are welcome. And please, no trolls or jokes, the RSD is strong with this one, hope you will understand.
If you read till here, thanks. Never have been able to get this off my chest.