u/RapunzelGotPigtails

Hi, good folks of the subreddit, I would really appreciate your take on this.

I am 42M, an ABD, married to an Indian guy who is 37. I will call him H from here on. H's brother (B) may have just lost a false DV and dowry case in India, and now faces homelessness. He has been reaching out to us for help, but H, who has been estranged from most of his family for years, has flatly refused. I care about H and respect that this is his decision to make, but I am not sure if it is my place to push for us helping his brother, so I am torn on that front. I am also genuinely confused about the legal side of things, so I would appreciate both kinds of perspective.

Some background. H lived in India until he was 22. His family includes his dad (D), his elder brother (B), B's wife (W, soon to be his ex), and their children. H's sister (S) is married and has moved out, and their mum (M) passed away a few weeks ago.

H is somewhat close to his accepting sister, but he is worlds apart from B and D, who are pretty conservative and religious. They are part of a right wing Hindu nationalist organisation and forced H to attend its local branch every week until he went to college. Since he came out as gay, things have gotten worse. D stopped speaking to him for a year, B tried to sign him up for conversion therapy style programs, and there has been constant gaslighting, manipulation, religious pressure, and a few instances of physical abuse. We visited them once every two or three years. To this day, they refuse to acknowledge me as anything more than a friend, which I am perfectly fine with, partly because they are so controlling and partly because I prefer to mind my own business.

They are fond of our son, who is biologically H's child. Their community is obsessed with having sons, and B has only daughters. When our son turned 7, the family visited for the first time in ten years, and D tried to sign him up for a thread ceremony. Neither of us is religious (H borders on atheism, and I do not care much either way), and we wanted our son to choose a religion, or no religion, for himself. When we refused, D and B made a huge scene and tried to take H back to India. That was the final straw, and H kicked them out and went no contact with them.

B's wife is a piece of work too. Things were initially smoother with this couple because theirs was an arranged marriage, and H's family could not stop gushing over her. She was mostly a stay at home mom and came from a wealthier family. Still, both of us were skeptical of her. She simply did not know how to keep it in her pants. During our visits, she would flirt with both of us. When confronted, she would brush it off, saying it was pretty common in India and that someone like her could cure us. She has apparently tried similar things with people from H's gym and other friends when he still lived in India.

Recently, S told us that W cheated on B, which sent the family into a legal spiral. B filed for divorce, and W countersued him with what he claims is a false dowry and DV case. B lost and now has to pay child support and maintenance. He was also laid off last year with very little in savings. For most of their life, the family has genuinely lived paycheck to paycheck. W's dad is a big deal in that organisation, which has effectively gotten B ostracised from it. D mortgaged the family home to cover expenses, and the family now faces the risk of homelessness if the payments are not brought current. In the past, D and B always refused whenever H offered to send them money. Now B has been trying to reach out to us through S, while H has outright refused to help. This puts me in an awkward spot.

While B has been an ass to H, I do not think he is capable of DV. He is just weirdly traditional. In fact, he has been fairly kind to H about things unrelated to his sexuality. I have helped the family several times through S and M. If M were still alive, I do not think H would be this unwilling to help either. I do not want H to look back on this later and regret it, but at the same time, I respect that H gets to decide how he deals with his own family, and I keep going back and forth on whether it is even my business to weigh in on this at all. I have tried talking to him about it, but he will not budge at this point, and since this is urgent, we cannot wait much longer.

That said, I am weirded out by the sequence of events. Since B claims he was cheated on and has evidence for it, I am surprised he lost the case. I have looked into fake DV and dowry cases on the internet, and it seems like a real and known issue. But is it actually that hard to establish in court? I would really appreciate some perspective on this.

Hi, good folks of the subreddit, I would really appreciate your take on this.

I am 42M, an ABD, married to an Indian guy who is 37. I will call him H from here on. H's brother (B) may have just lost a false DV and dowry case in India, and now faces homelessness. He has been reaching out to us for help, but H, who has been estranged from most of his family for years, has flatly refused. I care about H and respect that this is his decision to make, but I am not sure if it is my place to push for us helping his brother, so I am torn on that front. I am also genuinely confused about the legal side of things, so I would appreciate both kinds of perspective.

Some background. H lived in India until he was 22. His family includes his dad (D), his elder brother (B), B's wife (W, soon to be his ex), and their children. H's sister (S) is married and has moved out, and their mum (M) passed away a few weeks ago.

H is somewhat close to his accepting sister, but he is worlds apart from B and D, who are pretty conservative and religious. They are part of a RW Hindu nationalist organisation and forced H to attend its local branch every week until he went to college. Since he came out as gay, things have gotten worse. D stopped speaking to him for a year, B tried to sign him up for conversion therapy style programs, and there has been constant gaslighting, manipulation, religious pressure, and a few instances of physical abuse. We visited them once every two or three years. To this day, they refuse to acknowledge me as anything more than a friend, which I am perfectly fine with, partly because they are so controlling and partly because I prefer to mind my own business.

They are fond of our son, who is biologically H's child. Their community is obsessed with having sons, and B has only daughters. When our son turned 7, the family visited for the first time in ten years, and D tried to sign him up for a thread ceremony. Neither of us is religious (H borders on atheism, and I do not care much either way), and we wanted our son to choose a religion, or no religion, for himself. When we refused, D and B made a huge scene and tried to take H back to India. That was the final straw, and H kicked them out and went no contact with them.

B's wife is a piece of work too. Things were initially smoother with this couple because theirs was an arranged marriage, and H's family could not stop gushing over her. She was mostly a stay at home mom and came from a wealthier family. Still, both of us were skeptical of her. She simply did not know how to keep it in her pants. During our visits, she would flirt with both of us. When confronted, she would brush it off, saying it was pretty common in India and that someone like her could "cUrE" us. She has apparently tried similar things with people from H's gym and other friends when he still lived in India.

Recently, S told us that W cheated on B, which sent the family into a legal spiral. B filed for divorce, and W countersued him with what he claims is a false dowry and DV case. B lost and now has to pay child support and maintenance. He was also laid off last year with very little in savings. For most of their life, the family has genuinely lived paycheck to paycheck. W's dad is a big deal in that organisation, which has effectively gotten B ostracised from it. D mortgaged the family home to cover expenses, and the family now faces the risk of homelessness if the payments are not brought current. In the past, D and B always refused whenever H offered to send them money. Now B has been trying to reach out to us through S, while H has outright refused to help. This puts me in an awkward spot.

While B has been an ass to H, I do not think he is capable of DV. He is just weirdly traditional. In fact, he has been fairly kind to H about things unrelated to his sexuality. I have helped the family several times through S and M. If M were still alive, I do not think H would be this unwilling to help either. I do not want H to look back on this later and regret it, but at the same time, I respect that H gets to decide how he deals with his own family, and I keep going back and forth on whether it is even my business to weigh in on this at all. I have tried talking to him about it, but he will not budge at this point, and since this is urgent, we cannot wait much longer.

That said, I am weirded out by the sequence of events. Since B claims he was cheated on and has evidence for it, I am surprised he lost the case. I have looked into fake DV and dowry cases on the internet, and it seems like a real and known issue. But is it actually that hard to establish in court? I would really appreciate some perspective on this.