r/onexindia

I remember being a child and thinking why am i so lonely/why am i not like the cool kids. I thought it was because i was fat. I lost the fat didn’t really make a difference. I was just that autistic weird nerd in class, had friends who would just stay in touch for the sake of it and that’s it. I grinded and joined a good college but still made the wrong decisions everytime, this time not joining the social clubs. Didn’t really have hobbies except history which i don’t like indulging in anymore because i read about great men while i am just a loser dying in corporate/academics. I feel no connection to my hometown nor to guys, girls in my college. My life is good in diet, exercise, sleep and everything yet i feel a void. Can someone who’s been through this suggest something

I’m a 29M working abroad and living mostly alone. No real friends (online or offline). Grew up bullied, pretty introverted, and I think I never really learned how to build close connections.

Lately I’ve noticed a pattern I can’t break:

• I get hit with strong loneliness + need for physical touch
• I start craving intimacy badly (not just sex—more like closeness/being held)
• I end up on Bumble or looking for casual hookups
• It happens occasionally (maybe 3 hookups total)
• Temporary relief… then back to the same loop

I’m Christian, so this also comes with a layer of internal conflict/guilt.

It honestly feels like my body has learned to “expect” physical touch sometimes, and when I don’t get it, it goes into overdrive.

I already know the usual advice (gym, get hobbies, just date, etc.)—that’s not what I’m looking for here.

What I want to understand is:

• What is this pattern actually called psychologically?
• How do people break cycles like this without relying on hookups or forcing relationships?
• Has anyone actually gotten out of this loop for good?

I have been in relationship with my gf for around 8 years. Met her in college. I am very comfortable with her and she is the sweetest person I have met.
Overtime She has become very dull cribbing about her job/career and she has become unsocial, uninteresting and seriously depressed regarding her job. I have a a better job than her and earn much more than her. But the sex is boring , conversation dull but I know she loves me and will never cheat on me. But she is honestly a very boring, lazy and un motivated person whose entire world revolves around her parents and society. I am feeling suffocated at thought of marriage with her. But I have got deeply involved with her family and frnds. I am more scared of losing the social group rather than her. Any tips what can I do?

Sometimes, I like to compliment women who post their pics online in fashionable outfits. I'm not talking about big celebrities like Film actresses or those big Insta-influencers - rather, just normal women we come across on the fashion and modelling subs on Reddit, or Facebook, Instagram, Twitter etc. Also, by compliments, I mean genuine & non-sexual compliments like "you look cute" or "you look gorgeous in that dress" or "you look awesome with this hairstyle" etc.

Do you think this is a normal thing to do, or do you think it is a shameful thing that I should stop doing?

Government job stability vs private job experience but uncertainty.

We all see how ai is taking jobs that scares me .

I don't want to be unemployed or studying in late 30s .

My wife(34F) has a “mu bola bhai” from her old workplace and I(35M) honestly don’t know if I’m overthinking or if my discomfort is justified.

For context, they worked together for barely 2 months back in 2019. Yet even today, they are extremely close. Almost every week they’ll talk on the phone for 30-40 minutes. And she tells him(30M) literally everything like issues in her family, things happening in our house, problems with my relatives, personal stress, everything.

When she was pregnant, he used to text her every single day asking how she was doing. Daily, without fail.

I’ve brought this up with her calmly before and told her that I feel uncomfortable with how close they are. Her response is always that he’s “like a mu bola bhai.” But honestly she doesn’t call him “bhai” in texts or calls like ever. The one time I saw her say “bhai” in chat, it was followed by a 😝 emoji, almost sarcastically. They don’t wish each other on Raksha Bandhan either but she does wish one of her school friends.

She also tells him things like how great of a friend he has been to her. Sometimes she even gets emotional or cries while talking to him. If I ask what happened, she just says “regular stuff.”

Another thing that stings a little is that she believes he’ll be more helpful in finding her a WFH job than anyone else, including me.

I’m not accusing her of anything like but I can’t deny that this relationship makes me uncomfortable. It feels like he occupies an emotional space that should ideally belong to a spouse.

Am I being insecure here, or does this sound like emotional cheating / blurred boundaries to other men as well?

My girlfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago. Three days ago, I asked if we could meet and talk because I never really got closure when we ended things. I didn’t ask enough questions during the breakup, and ever since then I’ve been overthinking everything constantly.

We met at a park around 5 PM, and before we started talking I asked if she was comfortable having the conversation. One thing I asked her was to tell me the “bare minimum” she wanted from me in the relationship, because that was one of the issues between us. Even during the relationship, whenever I asked her directly what she needed, she would hesitate a lot. She said she knew the answers in her head, but struggled to actually say them out loud.

As we talked more, I finally got clarity on the things I did wrong:

1. I let her go to sleep angry instead of fixing things before ending calls.
2. One time when she was on her period, I made a joke and said “nice,” which hurt her feelings badly.
3. I gave her the silent treatment a few times.
4. I forgot to properly call her on her birthday. She was out with friends, I had a busy day, and when she said she’d call back, I fell asleep shortly after.
5. She said I have a big ego. I don’t think I’m extremely egotistical, but I do think my pride affected how I handled conflicts.
6. She said sometimes she didn’t want solutions, she just wanted me to listen.

After the park, it started raining, so we went to a cafe to continue talking. The atmosphere honestly felt weirdly romantic, and I joked that we should leave because the songs were too lovey-dovey. We ended up going to a bar instead, had some food and beer, and started talking even more openly.

At one point she said the place was expensive and suggested we could’ve just bought a bottle and gone somewhere else. Since I didn’t have a place to stay that night anyway, I booked a room mainly thinking we’d just continue drinking and talking there.

But once we got there, things didn’t really feel “just friends.” She was being playful, pulling on my clothes, sitting close to me, putting her head on my lap, playful biting, things like that. She asked if I had a spare shirt and wore one of mine. As we kept drinking and talking, I started confessing a lot of things I had been holding in.

Eventually we started making out, but at the same time both of us kept questioning what we were doing because technically we’re still exes. At one point she asked me, “Why did you let me go?”

That question has honestly messed with my head since then, because from my perspective, she was the one who walked away from the relationship.

Now I’m confused. Part of me feels like we still deeply care about each other and maybe acted too emotionally during conflicts. Another part of me wonders if this is just attachment and loneliness pulling us back together.

So I genuinely want outside opinions:
Does this sound like a relationship that could actually work if both people improve communication and emotional maturity, or does this sound like two people who love each other but are ultimately incompatible?

I’m 24M and lately I feel like thoughts about sex, relationships, and being “behind” in life take up way too much space in my head.

It’s affecting my focus on work, self-improvement, fitness, and career growth. Social media and comparing myself to others definitely makes it worse.

I’m not looking for “just get laid” advice. I want to know how other people redirected that mental energy into improving their life without becoming emotionally numb or pretending the desire doesn’t exist.

If anyone went through something similar in their early 20s, what genuinely helped? Did it get better with age? How did you stop tying your self-worth to relationships or sex?

Would appreciate honest answers.