u/Rare_Economist_2250

Is there a way to rebuild trust?

I just learned that me and my husband tried to conceive in the fall and that since June he already had thoughts about leaving.

So why were we trying to conceive when you wanted out? I feel blindsided and like I didn’t have all the info to make a choice.

I ended up miscarrying so it’s a non issue, but I can’t imagine ever getting pregnant with him again.

He really wants kids and I just don’t feel I can put myself in a vulnerable situation and try again.

He said he apologized for that and took accountability. But he still made that choice. He said he didn’t know we’d get pregnant so fast and that he thought agter I got pregnant we could figure things out.

He did marry me during then because he didn’t want a kid out of wedlock and we needed to speed up immigration process too.

I’m 34F and my husband is around my age (35M). We’ve been married about a year and a half, together for 7 years (met in 2018) and got engaged in 2022.
When we got married, we agreed that we wanted a big family, around 3–4 children. He has wanted a big family very strongly for a long time.

I experienced a miscarriage last year. After that experience, something changed for me. I realized that I don’t think I want 3–4 biological children anymore. I started feeling that I would be happy with one child, and I’ve also become more open to adoption/fostering.

This has been a major source of conflict because having a big family is extremely important to him.
He has been talking about separation since February.

Some of the things he has said to me:

“I think it’s time we officially consider ourselves separated. Docs can follow.”

When I told him I was sad but still had love and hope, he responded:

“same on deflated & love”

On another call, he said:

“We have already decided multiple times not sensible thing what we are doing. It’s very sad.”

He has also said that our differences are becoming clearer to him. He doesn’t want to live in my country (where I would want to be to have a kid to be near my family), our cultural/religious differences, and that he feels there is love and chemistry but no compatibility.

For background, I had threatened to leave multiple time a because of our religious differences and broke up with me 3 times when we were dating because of family pressure.

What’s confusing is that his actions haven’t always felt completely detached.

He drove about six hours to visit me where I live. We were intimate during the visit. He helped me unpack and paid for meals. He doesn’t take my calls or call me anymore but every couple of weeks I get a call from him telling me this won’t work and he doesn’t see me letting go.

But he continues to say that separation is what makes sense.

I’ve also done a lot of work on myself and on my side of the relationship. I’ve realized that I have a pattern where I can feel like I want to leave when things feel secure, but when the other person starts leaving, I become very motivated to fight for the relationship. I’m trying to understand that rather than automatically reacting to the fear of losing him.
I’m at a point where I feel some peace knowing I’ve done what I can.

I want to keep standing for my marriage but I don’t know what he is thinking. Why ask for a separation but not just get it over with? Why is he still holding on if he doesn’t want to be married?

One of the major conflicts is that after my miscarriage a year ago I told my husband I want one kid and he wants multiples.

He asked for separation saying we have too much conflict and that we don’t want the same things (long distance different locations, kids, etc)

Has anyone had their relationship repaired after something like this where you’re sort of navigating “dealbreakers”?

My doctor referred me to Wegoovy clinic and my insurance agreed to pay for a year.

I’m thinking of getting an IUD in parallel because my birth control pills have been annoying to manage.

I’m on Yaz28 and I love it because I have high androgens so it helps with my acne.

Does anyone have any IUD recommendations?

Thank you ❤️

My doctor referred me to Wegoovy clinic and my insurance agreed to pay for a year.

I’m thinking of getting an IUD in parallel because my birth control pills have been annoying to manage.

I’m on Yaz28 and I love it because I have high androgens so it helps with my acne.

Does anyone have any IUD recommendations?

Thank you ❤️

I did 6 months of RCC but can’t afford it anymore so looking to practice the skills.

Looking for other women who have been in RCC before just to make sure we all have the same base of the skills. Also ideally you’re also going through a moment where your husband has asked for separation or divorce. If you’re interested in joining, message me your WhatsApp number and a bit about your situation/practice of the skills. Much love ❤️