u/Ready_Economist_4914

Had breakdown during Covid - Lifelong issues

Hi everyone, I'm 37 years old and I have had issues with this for most of my life ever since I was 18/19. I think I've suffered from all of the major issues. Pornography use (developed some unusual fetishes in puberty), masturbation and SSRIs. All of this has developed into a major psychological breakdown that I experienced during COVID.

I remember being in my teens and early 20s and my erections were strong. I started masturbation and I could bounce back - but my gf at the time left me because I had some difficulty climaxing during sex. She left me as a result.

I had some successful experience safter, but, in about 2015 I went on an SSRI because my family thought I had a bad temper - that's it. This was when SSRIs were prescribed at an alarming rate. I continued to look at porn and couldn't get enough dates and thanks to tinder, bumble, hinge etc., women seemed to want to go on one or two dates and were not interested.

I'm not very tall, had some very poor views of myself as far as self-esteem is concerned.

I've been embarrassed with the type of wome I have been sexually attractive - plus sized/bigger women.

I stopped using porn and masturbating while on SSRIs and i was sober for 45 days and at the time, I couldn't perform. I was also ashamed of being seen with her. I had a nervous breakdown at 32 years old and am some how back into the swing of things with normality. However, I just feel very numb and no form of pleasure anymore. Porn seems to be an outlet and when I try to stop my mind dips dramatically.

I have had my testosterone checked - total t is 497 ng/dl and free t is 75 pg/ml.

I partially want to not be attracted to big women and part of me wnats to be and confident and okay with it. No matter what, I just hate myself and don't know what to do. My dick is numb from death grip. I do get morning wood but not as strong as it used to be when I was younger.

Hi everyone, I'm 37 years old and I have had issues with this for most of my life ever since I was 18/19. I think I've suffered from all of the major issues. Pornography use (developed some unusual fetishes in puberty), masturbation and SSRIs. All of this has developed into a major psychological breakdown that I experienced during COVID.

I remember being in my teens and early 20s and my erections were strong. I started masturbation and I could bounce back - but my gf at the time left me because I had some difficulty climaxing during sex. She left me as a result.

I had some successful experience safter, but, in about 2015 I went on an SSRI because my family thought I had a bad temper - that's it. This was when SSRIs were prescribed at an alarming rate. I continued to look at porn and couldn't get enough dates and thanks to tinder, bumble, hinge etc., women seemed to want to go on one or two dates and were not interested.

I'm not very tall, had some very poor views of myself as far as self-esteem is concerned.

I've been embarrassed with the type of wome I have been sexually attractive - plus sized/bigger women.

I stopped using porn and masturbating while on SSRIs and i was sober for 45 days and at the time, I couldn't perform. I was also ashamed of being seen with her. I had a nervous breakdown at 32 years old and am some how back into the swing of things with normality. However, I just feel very numb and no form of pleasure anymore. Porn seems to be an outlet and when I try to stop my mind dips dramatically.

I have had my testosterone checked - total t is 497 ng/dl and free t is 75 pg/ml.

I partially want to not be attracted to big women and part of me wnats to be and confident and okay with it. No matter what, I just hate myself and don't know what to do. My dick is numb from death grip. I do get morning wood but not as strong as it used to be when I was younger.