u/Realistic-Shower4800

I’ve been seeing my therapist for almost a year now and after today’s appointment I’m pretty shook. I’ve been telling my therapist about struggling with depression, anxiety, OCD, and suicidal ideation for a little while now. I’ve always had a very difficult time opening up to people and sharing how I’m feeling or how I’ve felt in the past. My therapist has been the only one I’ve ever really truly been able to open up with.

I’ve explained to her that I’m not in the mental space to be able to tell myself much of anything at this point. I can share how I’ve been feeling, discuss what’s currently going on, discuss the things that have gone on in the past, etc. but I need to dig deeper into things and attempt to figure out the ‘why?’ before attempting to really take the necessary steps to start feeling better. She’s known that for a while now and it’s been no secret.

Last session, she suggested a different type of therapy (CPT) to deal with past traumas. I was all for discussing it at my next appointment, talking about what it entails, and exploring if it would be appropriate for my struggles. What did trigger me though was an abandonment wound we both have acknowledged for a while I struggle with as well as having a lot of self blame and overthinking. I was struggling with (even though she said she’d be the one administering the CPT) the all consuming worry that I wasn’t moving fast enough in my current therapy and the worry that I’d be moved to another clinician. Illogical, right? I understand it but I can’t currently help the way my brain is processing things. I emailed her these concerns with the intention of talking about them at my next appointment (something she explicitly said it was okay to do since I’ve been seeing her).

So I hoped to talk to her about it at today’s session. Come today, it seemed like what I was concerned about wasn’t being heard whatsoever. It felt like I was a ghost and nothing I was saying was being seen or heard. It also felt like she was standoffish and not remotely close to empathetic. Instead, it felt like she kept pushing and pushing and pushing the narrative that if there’s no logical proof to have these concerns/worries then I shouldn’t have them.

Logically.. I get it but if it was that easy to do and accept then man, I wouldn’t have the need for therapy/medication whatsoever.

I left and immediately developed a panic attack from the experience. I started to realize for a while I’ve been feeling like an egg inside the carton that cracked, but didn’t break. And she picked it up and started just pushing and pushing on it to test its strength which can only lead to two options: the egg remains solid under some pressure, or the egg continues to crack more, bursts, and sends yolk everywhere. I definitely feel like I’ve been broken completely open and now my thoughts are just all over the place.

It might seem dumb to a lot of people but I don’t feel as safe as I did and I don’t feel like I can safely trust as much as I once did either. I feel like I was dismissed, ignored, and am left feeling way worse than I did before the session. To the point where I just want to stop going. I understand it’s one dust up (although there have been a few) but I’ve never felt like this before and just feel lost, hurt, shunned, and ignored.

I’m not looking for any tough love, sarcastic comments, bully type behavior, or anything of the like. Just hoping for some genuine empathy and help trying to navigate all this because right now I’m ready to be done.

If any T’s or anyone else have any advice, guidance, or help it would be greatly appreciated.

I’ve been seeing my therapist for almost a year now and after today’s appointment I’m pretty shook. I’ve been telling my therapist about struggling with depression, anxiety, OCD, and suicidal ideation for a little while now. I’ve always had a very difficult time opening up to people and sharing how I’m feeling or how I’ve felt in the past. My therapist has been the only one I’ve ever really truly been able to open up with.

I’ve explained to her that I’m not in the mental space to be able to tell myself much of anything at this point. I can share how I’ve been feeling, discuss what’s currently going on, discuss the things that have gone on in the past, etc. but I need to dig deeper into things and attempt to figure out the ‘why?’ before attempting to really take the necessary steps to start feeling better. She’s known that for a while now and it’s been no secret.

Last session, she suggested a different type of therapy (CPT) to deal with past traumas. I was all for discussing it at my next appointment, talking about what it entails, and exploring if it would be appropriate for my struggles. What did trigger me though was an abandonment wound we both have acknowledged for a while I struggle with as well as having a lot of self blame and overthinking. I was struggling with (even though she said she’d be the one administering the CPT) the all consuming worry that I wasn’t moving fast enough in my current therapy and the worry that I’d be moved to another clinician. Illogical, right? I understand it but I can’t currently help the way my brain is processing things. I emailed her these concerns with the intention of talking about them at my next appointment (something she explicitly said it was okay to do since I’ve been seeing her).

So I hoped to talk to her about it at today’s session. Come today, it seemed like what I was concerned about wasn’t being heard whatsoever. It felt like I was a ghost and nothing I was saying was being seen or heard. It also felt like she was standoffish and not remotely close to empathetic. Instead, it felt like she kept pushing and pushing and pushing the narrative that if there’s no logical proof to have these concerns/worries then I shouldn’t have them.

Logically.. I get it but if it was that easy to do and accept then man, I wouldn’t have the need for therapy/medication whatsoever.

I left and immediately developed a panic attack from the experience. I started to realize for a while I’ve been feeling like an egg inside the carton that cracked, but didn’t break. And she picked it up and started just pushing and pushing on it to test its strength which can only lead to two options: the egg remains solid under some pressure, or the egg continues to crack more, bursts, and sends yolk everywhere. I definitely feel like I’ve been broken completely open and now my thoughts are just all over the place.

It might seem dumb to a lot of people but I don’t feel as safe as I did and I don’t feel like I can safely trust as much as I once did either. I feel like I was dismissed, ignored, and am left feeling way worse than I did before the session. To the point where I just want to stop going. I understand it’s one dust up (although there have been a few) but I’ve never felt like this before and just feel lost, hurt, shunned, and ignored.

I’m not looking for any tough love, sarcastic comments, bully type behavior, or anything of the like. Just hoping for some genuine empathy and help trying to navigate all this because right now I’m ready to be done.

If any T’s or anyone else have any advice, guidance, or help it would be greatly appreciated.

Looking to jump into the Spawn world and really want to jump in with both feet and read everything: The main Spawn book and all the spinoffs/minis there have been. But no matter where I look it’s an outdated reading order.

Anyone know of an updated one or have some suggestions on how to tackle this monstrosity of a universe?

Over the last couple of weeks my therapist has canceled my last two appointments just a few hours beforehand each time. Before that, she’d asked me to move my time around which I obliged. I’ve tried to be as flexible as possible with her since she’s been flexible with me. And then it turned into canceling the appointment last week approximately three hours beforehand and then canceling my appointment for this week about three hours beforehand again.

She’s cited that it was a personal matter the first time and then the second time it was taking personal time to focus on her well-being. Which I’m trying my absolute best to understand, cherish, and respect. But to also be honest, I feel broken, uneasy, and I’m struggling really bad mentally.

It’s just come at a time when I’ve been struggling so bad mentally while also dealing with suicidal ideation and a new ADHD diagnosis/medicine. Over my 10 months of seeing her, I’ve developed a very strong bond with her and have valued the therapeutic relationship tremendously. It has gotten me through so much and helped me deal with so many things. While it hasn’t helped me “feel better” it has helped me survive. It’s helped me get through one day after another and one minute after another. I’ve used that therapeutic relationship very much in my everyday life.

I responded to her cancellation email and told her I hope everything is okay and her well-being is okay. That I’m sorry for whatever has happened and that I’m sorry for coming twice a week (something I’ve been doing for a few months to deal with and talk about a large number of things in my life past and present) and I’m sorry for emailing her (something she told me I can do and she expected me to every week to check in) and that for her sake, I won’t bother her anymore. I ended the response by saying that I hoped I see her again but if I don’t I can’t explain how much I appreciated our time together.

I’m at a loss and just don’t know what to do or where to turn. While I’m trying my absolute best to understand and be sympathetic and empathetic I feel broken and discarded. I feel like at my lowest and darkest point I got a stock email with a stock ending about going to the nearest emergency department or texting 988.. things she knows I will not do.

Um, this is an extremely hard situation and I feel stupid and awful for feeling that way but I do. I want to be understanding and I’m trying my best to understand but everything in me is telling me these short cancellations are my fault. That if it was someone different.. another patient.. someone not as miserable and unbearable they wouldn’t have been canceled on or they wouldn’t have received such a stock message.

I’m sorry to all of you reading this because I’m sure this comes across as petty, silly, or ridiculous. I’m really sorry if that’s the case. And I’m sure all of these feelings happening are my fault for getting so close to her. For relying on the therapeutic relationship with her to get me through a minute and day (by relying I mean relying in my own ways through journaling and mentally attempting to bring value to that relationship). My whole life I’ve never really had anyone to talk to about this. My family treats mental health like a plague and inconvenience. My friends, who know at least, could really care less and make no effort to show any kind of care. And while I can talk to my wife sometimes in the past it’s been a struggle. Therefore being able to talk to and personally rely on my therapist was very much needed.

And now I’m just trying to understand as best I can while simultaneously blaming myself for being an awful patient and person.

It’s an odd feeling not knowing if I’ll ever see her again. Whether that’s by my own choosing or what feels like hers.

I’m sorry to bother your Reddit scrolling with such a pointless post I just had to get it out somewhere.

I feel like I’m sorry that I exist and came into her life and I’m sorry that I exist and you all had to read/see this ridiculous post.

My sleep schedule has been all wonky for a really long time due to just not being able to sleep at a decent time and constantly having mental and physical (Severe Crohn’s Disease) that have really affected my sleep schedule. I typically get up at 11am and go to sleep around 4-430am. If I take my Vyvanse, currently 30mg, how much will it affect my sleep? I also take Zzquill at night approximately 1hr30mins before sleep.

I know there’s no definitive 100% answer I was just curious as to others experiences. I’m a hefty dude that… *typically* tolerates medicine really well but..

My therapist urged me to get tested because she also has ADHD and believed meds would be extremely beneficial but to say I’m beyond nervous is a severe understatement.

I have very regular suicidal thoughts and suffer from severe suicidal ideation.

I’ve been going to therapy twice weekly due to how bad things have been and my therapist urged me to get tested for ADHD which I have not tested positive for and I’ve been prescribed Vyvanse.

Does Vyvanse help improve suicidal thoughts? I’ve had these thoughts for as long as I can remember and also suffer from severe anxiety and severe depression and have for years. To the point where I just don’t feel like being here anymore.

Does Vyvanse help improve these symptoms or will the Vyvanse need coupled with an anxiety/anti-depressant medication?