Do you just constantly live in fear of another stroke?
I had a minor stroke about 4 months ago. 4mm subacute lacunar infarct left pons to be exact. Presented with just a case of being off balance. Like I was on a boat. Coincided with a bout of pneumonia. Went to doctor for the terrible cough and dizziness and heard the words. You had a stroke.
Honestly I thought I was dead. I cried. I just got married and have 5 kids ages 11-22, I havent finished raising them yet. Havent set them up for success, havent prepared them to be without me you know. And they said I had a stroke. So plainly. So matter of fact. They couldnt give a reason either. My numbers were all ok. Not perfect. Cholesterol just above acceptable. Blood pressure a touch high. But no numbers they said should correlate to a stroke.
Didn't have any major symptoms so I got discharged quickly. Been on daily aspirin, low does atrovaststin and amlodipinine since. I get these feelings throughout the day. I cant really explain them. Just a kind of crummy feeling in my head. Something I never felt before the stroke. They come and go. They dont typically last very long. Few seconds to a few minutes at most. They seem to become more frequent as the work week progresses. By my fourth or fifth day of work I need to lay down when I get home and recuperate for a but.
I feel guilty for even complaining. So many others have had it so much worse. An old high school friends wife just had a hemorrhagic stroke right after giving birth and is likely legitimately permanently disabled. Here I am with some headaches, and bad pains from sudden loud noises(4th of July sucked!).
I should be grateful to be alive, and mostly fine. But everyday im panicked. Every weird feeling. Every time my voice seems to vibrate my brain. Every time my wife gets a little too excited showing me something, and her volume reaches a point that literally hurts my brain. Everytime something out of the ordinary happens im instantly terrified. Is it happening again. Will this one paralyze me? Kill me? Tomorrow while the wife is at work im gonna record videos to say goodbye to my kids in case things turn badly for me here. Guess im just wondering if this fear ever subsides, or am I just living with it however much longer I have to live?