u/Regular-Pool5774

As preface, I have talked to a therapist about my experience but it was not set up as a diagnosis. I just wanted to talk to someone about what I was going through and developed coping mechanisms.

To get into it, several years ago I witnessed my sister's boyfriend blackout drunk, strangling her. The noises... Everything. I intervened. Fortunately yelling was enough to get him to stop, but I had grabbed a knife and had it behind my back. Yelling was enough to get him to let go.
I was very afraid of using force.

I am now fostering their child. He has not been pleasant and I've had fear. He has yelled at me, and in that moment it felt I was in that situation all over again.

If I watch a show or something that elicits similar feelings to that night, I just think of him and that night and all of the bad things he has done. It really lingers with me some time after that, too. It's challenging.

Even if his name comes up... It's hard.

Should I talk to a therapist about this more? I was not harmed, so I just had chalked it up to anxiety. But it feels a bit different.

Thank you for taking the time.

We are fostering my relative through a tribal government. They are very hands off, and at this point telling us we can supervise visits or phone calls if we want to, or don't if we're not comfortable. It's pretty vague and as a result, difficult to navigate.

The biological foster does not comply with what he is expected of to reunite with his child. He fails drug tests, he sends me terrible aggressive and vaguely threatening texts which concern me as I witnessed him strangle my sister when he was blackout drunk. I suspect he had a history of doing that. He uses drugs and alcohol irresponsibly, including around children.

We do not like him. We do not want to babysit him for visits. They were doing third party visitation but they cancelled it, accusing him of showing up drunk with family and bringing unauthorized guests.

I want them to have visitation if it is safe, but we're so fed up with how he treats us we don't want to supervise him. It's straining my relationship with my partner, as well.

Is there a resource that may exist for us to help be our intermediary and assist with visits?

We're at the point where we need help otherwise my relative may need to be placed with a stranger, which I think would not be good for her. We love her and she has done well in our care these last two years.