u/RelationFinancial749

Class 12 2024 passout, 95%ile Jee Main , AIR 2xxx IAT (1st pref was BS Eco IISERB and I got it)

Chose PEC Civil engineering, semester 1 fared with difficulty (breakup as soon as college began, interviews for NDA)

Sem 2 begins in Jan, I get recommended in AFSB in my 3rd NDA Attempt (4th overall out of 6 total attempts at the service selection board)

Stopped attending classes because medical and few surgeries.

Joined academy in June 2025, boarded out mid August (spine fracture)

Gave JEE again, 95%ile. I've registered for IAT. But I do not know if I'm capable of research. Why i considered iiser? Girlfriend was giving exam and i just wrote it for the sake of it, she got 22k rank, i got 2k, and then i lowkenuinely started getting orgasms thinking of BS Eco. Why I chose PEC : better city, peer group for NDA prep.

Back to the unsurity about research :

Thinking of it overwhelms me. I don't think I'm creative enough to know what to research on. Where will i start? How will i write meaningful papers? The thought of studying more than 4 years was concerning me in 2024 but now ive come to terms with the fact that I'll not be joining armed forces. My parents are however still in denial. Has anyone else faced similar thing? How did you convince your parents?

The thought of studying is orgasm inducing but the thought of being a burden is the biggest turn off. I should know because I've failed twice at two different institutions. Ive learnt my lessons there, but I've also picked up fear. I want to study, but i also want to be able to live a decent life with enough to spend on my hobbies as im pursuing my higher studies.

Man sorry if i couldnt structure this well but im writing this as im again struck on the crossroads of PEC vs IISER (assuming I'll get a seat) and feeling overwhelmed af.

Good night