u/Relevant_Mountain291

Hey everyone, i just want to take a moment to share my story, things I realized about myself and others, and how we can work on it to find the stability, peace and love we're all yearning for. this one's gonna be a long one y'all. and none of this is scientifically proven, just my opinions, and if you don't quite relate to it all, or any, that's okay because i don't think i would've accepted it even a few years back. but i still humbly advise you to just read it thru, turn on your intuitive mode on and give it some deep thoughts. at the very least, let it sit back in your subconscious mind and maybe it'll help you make it all click in the future.

okay, so just briefly to talk about myself, being an infj male, i've always felt disconnected with the world and my inability to "move on" and being in a constant overthinking and negative state of mind, my life has spiraled down quite a bit. I've pretty much been cut off from the society for a quite a bit but fortunately this did allow me to introspect a lot and became a lot of things and learned more about myself and the world.

i hope that all of you are not as "unhealthy" as I was and maybe you can grab a few things and try to apply in your own lives. bear with me, as i might be all over the place, ill try to cover as much as possible, sharing my own mistakes and thinking process and how we can work to improve our own lives.

first, it was only a few years back when i first came across this whole mbti thing and infj. being usually very skeptical of everything, it shocked me to the core when i found out because like it was literally spot on. not a single thing was off which was crazy bc everything was so complex too. it was even more jarring to see that there are so many of us lmao and i just hope this can help you.

thinking back, as long as i can remember, i never felt connected with the world, i guess always yearning for that deep connection like the most of us. and it got me pretty depressed thru my whole life. i wish i can tell you that i was this pure hearted angel, but if i have to be completely honest, i did act out, i did make fun of people as well and other hurtful acts but didn't really think much of it at that time.

also that disconnection with the world and taking things too personally like insults, name calling or whatever, eventually lead to disdain to the people around me, and growing up it eventually became a deep resentment towards people as i always felt unsatisfied with life.

a lot of you may relate, but i've always had high ambitions for myself (and i still do in some sense lmao), wanted to do something big, make a lot of money etc. i use to work extremely hard as a kid but i think my sleep issues and negative mind state kept me in a fatigue stage and it just spiraled down from there.

also, i've always found small talks, these "societal etiquiettes" rules, just everything, i've found them "fake", "inauthentic", sort of beneath me, if im being 100 real, just resorting to people just being selfish, self centered and all. and not gonna lie, when i see people "being in the moment" spending good time togther, being love, enjoying life, sure on the surface maybe i was just dismissing it as being selfish, but deep inside i was just upset that i couldn't understand or have that myself and always yearned for it.

like the many of us, i couldn't stop myself feeling all these emotions around me, all the pains in the world too, as if i should do more to help, "save the world", "fix the world", etc. sometimes it can be super positive like damn im meant to realy help the world at whatever cost but often times due to being negative it can be like "damn these people don't deserve it". then feeling guilty about feeling that way lmao. just a lot of these contradictory thought process all the time.

and i have helped people around, have listened to their problems, have pondered for hours on how to help, etc. but what i came to realize is that on the surface, it may look real and genuine but the deep intention wasn't as pure as i made myself think it was. what i mean is that, me trying to help or save the world wasn't purely because i want that person to do well (i mean a big part of it is, but) but there was that subconsious intention that i was trying to feel loved, build a connection, feel respected, have control, feel like the person doing a good thing, etc. and also a big part is that i was expecting reciprocity whether it be some level of genuine appreciation and/or the trust that this person would do the same for me in the situation or in the future.

and you know how it goes, it never goes the way we want, and my brain flips and judges the person with disappointment. but quite strangely, i don't wanna disconnect with the people neither. it always lingers in that hazy, murky state where i don't truly hate or like the person, sometimes huge negative feeling like damn fck this guy lol or sometimes it can be okay still we gotta work this out. but never truly stable. never in the moment.

and this applied to relationships as well. all my relationships have failed and i never really understood why and resorting to just demonizing that person as "selfish' "bad" "unworthy" etc at the same time, never truly letting the person go and get it out of my mind. i knew deep inside the "right" thing to do was just let them go and genuinely wish them happy but as much as I didn't want to be, i couldn't reach that level of peace. and this applied to just relationships in general, just overthinking everything, worrying about what people are thinking, viewing me as, or have said to me, etc causing social anxiety and all.

and maybe shy when first talking to a person, while i did practice some social skills and all, it still feels a bit unnatural as if im trying to be someone i'm not. also in the past, you know how it goes, i tended to overshare, overlisten, offering unsolicited advices and wondering why there's no reciprocity etc lmao.

and for making money as well, i have big dreams(spending hours day dreaming lol), the perfect idea of what i want to do, but rarely actually doing anything to make anything happen. i think this applied to other parts of life as well like exercising, appearance, social skills, etc. just had this big vision but never really working towards it. and being in the state i am now, looking at everyone else around me, just feeling disappointed and in that victim mental state, but i know this is wrong and want to change but somehow the ball never moves bc all my energy is just trying to sort my thoughts, never in that truly focused state.

but allow me to share some of my thoughts on all of this. please let your guard down a little and give it some deep thoughts. maybe, just maybe, now or in the future, it can help you click some thing in your mind...

so what i came to realize is that my thinking and feeling process/structures was different from everyone else's. i think in my opinion (no proof of this), people are driven by ego (self preservation), friend or foe , and (respect or no respect). and everyone including infj have a logical side and an emotional side.

we see people living their lives and dismissing it as "selfish" but i think in my opinion, they just don't feel guilty living their lives because they don't feel the emotions and aware of them like we do. they have this mutual respect/boundary between people believing "you live your life, i live mine. if we spend good time together, let's do it." where as infj,s are constantly bombarded with different feelings and awareness that we don't have that respectful boundaries between human beings, and we sort of see it as "beneath" the higher truth.

but it hurts me to tell you that i was and am selfish and self centered as well. i also have my ego. i also look for respect and status. i also want to live my life. because if i didn't have any of those, i would not feel bad at all when i don't achieve my goals, if people insult me, or worry about what other people think, etc.

and it made me realize, as it goes against my thinking process entirely, one of the biggest blindspots in my life was that i was never at peace because i never came to accept (and embrace ) my own flaws completely. like my mental state lacked anchors and too weak, too emotional to fully accept fact as fact. i'm not just talking about outside flaws like appearance, making money, social life, mistakes, etc but more subconsiously my own selfishness and self centeredness. i think a lot of reasons had to do with that, one being that its hard accepting imperfection, and i guess a big reason is that maybe i had this delusion thinking i didn't want to be "like everyone else".

and this was shocking because if i admit truly that i am selfish and i am self centered as well, i'd lose my identity and in some sense, i'd lose that "one thing" that i hold dearly for. I think this was why i tried to hide it by projecting that onto others thinking everyone's selfish or often overcompensating by trying to take on other people's problems, being generous etc. yes there are real altruistic motives as well as i enjoy seeing people happy but, i don't think it was purely for them, but rather filling my own emptiness. not to mention, if there was no reciprocity, it just disappointed me greatly.

so i think if you're having similar issues, you need to work on yoruself to accept "limitations" of yourself, others and life in general to gain that peace. Instead of wondering why this, why that and feeling empty, we can build anchors/structures in our minds and lives, so that we can find peace, love and happiness. we will never be like everyone else (and that's okay) and i'm not trying to make you lose your identity to "fit in" but rather just build enough awareness and humility to finally enjoy your life. in fact, if you work on yourself, you can be more than you can ever imagined now currently.

Okay, so i want to share some ways i think we can build some structures in our minds and lives to give us some peace. like i mentioned below, we need to learn to "accept things as they are". i am a human being just like everyone else. i have flaws, made mistakes, have ego and have my own limits. once you let your guard down, and accept that you're just a human being as well, like eveyrone else, you gain the self respect, the humility to truly reflect on your own mistakes and accept others as they are, embrace them, instead of trying to "fix them".

cuz one thing i really realized recently is that, i never truly respected the people, for who they are, as another human being. i know this is kinda weird and extremely hard to visualize, but i think i saw them as like an extension, a segment, like a side character in my movie-like life. like a romantic, fairytyale, hero's journey, lmao etc some movie. i subconssiouly put them into this role, this box of what i think they are, or what i think they should be like. and honestly this is just human nature, but the key difference is most people respect themselves naturally to pull away if they don't feel respected and actually enjoy the time with others bc instead of analyzing everything, they naturally respect and accept that person. they atcually ENJOY the time with other people, NOT analyzing, jduging, worrying, etc.

and let's be honest ourselves, would we want to be around with someone who we sense that is uncomfortagble with themselves, judging, analyzing lil our mistakes and flaws, or someone that respect us as oureslves, accept us and truly enjoy spending time with us. we have this belief that listning to thei rpoblmes, getting into deep convo builds connection, and all of that can look 99% true on the otuside, but the foundation is not there. it's not stemming from respect but rather our own selfish need.

so we need to become aware that, the people are not our side characters, but their own individual beings, wiht their own thinking/feeling process, ego, spiritual journey, insecurities, issues in life, etc. what helps is to become aware that TIME is the only absolute in this world. we all take it for granted, especially when you're young, and i had this view of time and life as, segments and stages, where i do this, i get married, get kidsk, make money, and die. But try to shift yoru view on time. time is not segmented linear like that. it's more of a flow.

and the real truth is that the future is not guaranteed, and most of all it is LIMITED. you can leave the earth in 3 days, you can leave it in when you're 100, but EVERYONE leaves. like literally everyone. the people you think have the perfect lives? they go too. they people you hate? they go too. and most of all, your loved ones like your parents who you think will ALWAYS be there for you, with you, will be gone too. but if you leave before them, that's even worse, bc you are giving them a heartache you cannot even imagine.

Sorry for all that...what i'm trying to do is really help you build a new perspective on life. know that we all have limited time here, even if everything works out for you perfectly the way you imagined, does that really matter? you reach that point in 10 years, you will still feel empty. the key to true happiness is being in the moment, because thats literally all you have. of course this is easier said than done, especially for infj, but what you CAN do is, build enough structures in your mind to reach that point naturally. because you will always have negativities in your life, whether its outside factors or within your own mind, but with even structure and peace, you can allow them to be flushed down gracefully, or at least not enough to pull you down to the black hole.

So, to recap, first truly become aware that we all have limited time here on earth and everyone has their own journey. don't treat and see othres as our side chracters but with respect, humility and kindness that genuinely come from our hearts. peopel do sense fakeness even if you are not awrae of it. be aware that we're THEIR side characters. try to see yourself in THEIR pesrpective like visually, get your intuitive mind on and see yourself as a side character. and you will realiae, what you think they are htinking and what you think they shoudl be thinking, and what they are really thinking is COMPELTELY different. and this is just ball park too, we'll never truly know. and honestly we don't haev to, its impossible

just accept it as a limitation of life. allow this to humble you, let it go and accept it instead of just torturing yourself with endless thoughts. you treat everyone with genuine respect, humility and kindness, you will fix 99% of your social problems. give respect to everyone, but EARN respect by working on yourself. be proud of someone that they want to be around with. Also most importantly, respect people's EGO. don't try to fix people. focus on respecting them. we all have our perspective on lives and even if the help is the best way, our ego plays tricks on us.

we have ethis vision in our mind where we feel liek we "see everything" but what we see is just a third person perspective. we never truly see what the person is seeing form their own pespective. be aware of that and accept it. be humble. and if you DO want to help, do it very respectfully and do what actually would help by expanding your knowledge first. what matters more than intention is the result, but of course intention should be there too. so if you want to "save the world", start by building yourself first so you can actually take actions.

And i totally understand if none of this really sticks to you. you may need some time to put all the dots together. But a big factor is your physical health. we infj's have to take extra care for our physical health because we tend to dwell on the negativity too much. we need that extra strenght, clarity and focus to naturally rise above that negativity.feelings and let our "lgoical" side shine and vice versa. build structures where its necessary so when it's safe we can let out usual awesome infj creative side shine and make our lives extraordinary.

Yes you should eat right, sleep, lift wegihts if youre a guy, but most imoprtantly...if you get ONE THING form this post is...HIIT CARDIO. where you run super fast for like 30 seconds or a minute, then walk for a few min, then repeat a few times. What this will do is build a natural dopamine system where youre just generally at peace and happy, allow you ro thave neuroplasticity where you can redirect your mind above your feelings and ego, be strong enough to admit accept your mistakes, etc. it will change your life. all the revelations i had was after doing this for a few months.

Also don't fixate on the result. the only perfection you can achieve is the amount of effort you put in. Your goal is not to reach perfection in your life. Your goal is to raise your health, clarity, focus, awareness and conscsiousness to a point where you realize none of that matters and that you are truly in the moment and you are just grateful to be in that moment.

Be in the Moment.

Hello, everyone, first post ever on this account. I am too an INFJ and 35 years old. I've always felt different but a few years back came across this whole mbti and figured that i was an INFJ. I want to share a bit of my story and what i came to realize. This may trigger you but please try to sit on it for a bit. Just please give it a little thought before just brushing it all off and get offended. Just trying to share, no judging here lol

Okay, so yeah I am 35 year old male INFJ. Life is already pretty touch as an INFJ but if you're a male, its even worse bc we're expected to be strong and this whole emotional stuff seems very feminine and weak in our society. Anyway, if I think back, I think as a kid, I was very sensitive, always trying to put my needs aside and try to make "peace" with everyone, you know, the whole people pleasing thing we always do. Always yearning for that deep connection, and still am to be honest.

But as I grew older, in middle school, high school, you know how we are. We don't take disrespect, criticism, disloyalty, lies all that well and take it too personally and keep it "on the tab" for God knows how long, maybe forever really. We almost never mention it but it's in there. So yeah for those teen years, I've had this anger bottled up inside, judging everyone as selfish, dumb, evil, not worthy etc. And every time I meet a new person or whatever, I had this ideal expectation of them and idolized that person til something deviates, then they're written off lol.

Super loyal to the core, but never reciprocated. Ideal visions of myself and the world. Yearning deep connection and conversations. Want to help everyone solve their issues. Honestly quite envious of other people who are better looking, more friends, etc etc.

Anyhow, to be frank with you, I was just angry at the world you know what i mean. I just really resented humanity. I felt depressed all the time, fell into additions and ruined my college and quite honestly that fueled the whole resentment even more because I felt like I wasn't living up to what I had expected of myself. And to be frank, I'm not a lazy person, I can get laser sharp and focused to work, borderline psychopathic, but due to my sleep issues, I just felt mentally and physically fatigued all the time and really couldn't do anything.

Fast forward to now, 35 years old, only living by the endless patience of my parents, shameful yes. I have burned the little bridges I had for over 10 years. A big part of me hopes to maybe one day reconnect with them, but a part of me is also filled with resentment and that it likely won't happen. INFJ's are very complex, often double sided, I think that's why we are very unstable, lack structure where it's needed, and have anxiety issues, at the very least unhealthy ones like myself. I mean, like i said, I do wanna fix my life as I've suffered enough and still have the "plan" for myself to fix my life lol.

One good thing about it all is that I was able to really get into deep thoughts, replaying and analyzing my past experiences for over 10 years, countless of times a day. It's a sickness really. I think it's made worse by my chronic fatigue, depression and loneliness.

But anyways, since a few days ago, I've had this stimulant called armodafinil. It's a prescribed pill(i got it online tho) where it keeps you awake, a bit like caffiene i guess but what this does (different from modafinil), is that it suppressed your ego/emotions, depresses your physical state slightly but not too overwhelmingingly , and raises your focus, clarity and awareness JUST enough so that you can really think beyond what you really feel without, but not go too out there like weed or other crazy drugs. I guess it kind of gives you a bit of "realistic" grounded reality perspective, which is often very different from what we want to believe.

Okay so after taking that pill, in that a bit depressed state, I realized something very painful. Why we have a lot of resentment towards humanity, the world and our void feel in the inside...all of that the problem wasn't because the people are "evil", dumb, broken, selfish or whatever we judge them as. The problem was...us the INFJ's.

This may trigger you, but at least just read it through, maybe it'll help you understand a lil better. The truth to the matter is that we INFJ's are NOT as "moral" as we believe ourselves to be. Yes this is true. Just think about it for a moment. Most INFJ's to be frank, are not happy people. We're kinda miserable to be honest, although i'm sure it ranges.

We constantly judge and cricitze everything and everyone, thinking it can be better to its "full potential". But we almost always hide this but let me tell you, people notice this and feel that energy. Even if they don't, would a truly moral person, a good person, be constantly judging everyone? I mean what gives us the right to do so?

We tell ourselves, we do this, bc they are broken, they are selfish, and they need our ways to be fixed. And sometimes we tell them super bluntly too, what's going on and don't understand why they don't appreciate our advice, why they don't reciprocate our loyalty and heart and effort and they have so much massive ego.

But let me tell you something INFJ's. We have the worst ego's of them all. Our egos are so strong so stubborn so hidden that we physically cannot even fathom to acknowledge it. Like i said, I had to take armodafinil to really suppress it and realize the painful truth and to be frank with you, when im off of it, i sort of resort back to the old INFJ beliefs, but I'm working on that.

Anyways, the ego. Yes, we are so stubborn, so much ego that. When we make mistakes, when we judge someone, when we call someone out, when we have resentment, EVERYTHING is justified because we're the "good guys trying to save the world like Mr.Beast" while everyone is just unappreciative, selfish, broken, dumb people ruining everything.

Our ego is so huge that, if you try to even start to acknowledge our ego, your brain will physcailly stop yoruself and you feel witll that very defensive, hazed feel where you need to lash out like a child or direct the blame to smoeone else. We physically andmentally handle that shame, that truth that we are not "moral". We TRY to be moral with our "fixes" of the world because we're constantly judginig in that negative state. We're constantly judgining because deep inside, msot of us are very miserable, unhappy people, never reaching perfect state we are looking for, that stable life we're looking for, that deep connection, real love true loyalty we're looking for, so we're very resentful.

Once we admit that we are not as moral as we believe we are, our whole identity shatters. We have no one to blame. We have no reason for our miserable existence. We are no longer martyrs, but just weird defects that everybody hates. And WE DO know this subconsciously, that's why we always feel empty inside. because we know deep inside, we're not the person we believe we are. Always seeking approval, yearning for that deep connection because we're lacking that soul.

To be clear, I'm not saying we're some evil manipulators, although we definitely do share a lot of traits unfortunately like judging everyone, hiding it, putting on a social mask, trying to force our opinions on others, stubborn to change, inability to admit mistakes, etc it's quite odd actually. And yes this is why people hate INFJ because from their perspective, and maybe that's who we really are (until we fix it) : a manipulative person who is constantly judging everyone, thinking they'r emorally and intelligently superior over everyone, not respecting boundaries etc. I mean think about it, would you really wanna be around someone like that?

Good news is that, we CAN overcome this. We're not bad people. We're just misguided really. But there are steps to this. First of all, you really need to acknowledge and become aware of your own ego. Honestly, if you're serious about this, i'd suggest getting armodafinil, it may or may nto worked for you but it really opened my eyes. It really suppressed my ego and really made me see myself from other peoples perspective and really feel what they're thinking, by gathering all the "data" i had stored in my brain over the years. And yes we do constantly judge them, and offend them, and just bring them down negatively if you're un unhealthy INFJ. I mean think about it, can you blame them for hating us, when we ourselves get offended and dismiss people so easily? What excuses us but not them? That is ego talking.

Once you are aware of your ego and have that painful enlightenment, you can finally make steps to change. First You need to work your ass off to fix everything in your life you're unhappy about. Most importantly your physical health, You need to do HIIT cardio, to gain clarity and mental strength. This will take months, maybe a year, but you will reach that state where you can access that enlightenment above your ego. You will have the strength to admit and overcome and embrace and forgive your ego. You will become humble and realize that everyone does have flaws. And that our life here on earth is too short to be miserable all the fucking time.

You will gain self respect for yourself, bc you've tried your best to reach perfection but finally able to admit to yourself that perfection does not exist and youre strong to accept it, and embrace it. You are finally strong enough to admit fully your own inadquencies and be okay with it. This new self respect will bring you peace and capacity for your soul where you'll realize that there is no true deep connectoin, there is no true loyalty and all because everyone has their own perspective, inadquencies, their own journeys to live.

You will realize, and accept that the happiness, the peace we're looking for is not by chasing that perfection in everything, that deep moral sense, and having resentment and anxiety. The true happiness and the peace we're all craving, all of us, are in recognizing and embracing the finite source of life, and that things may or may not work out for us, things may or may nto be broken, none of that matters because you are finally free from your ego, yoru constant battle in your mental space, and be grateful and respectful and really enjoy the every moment there is. It doesn't matter if someone disprespects you, disloyalt to you, most of the stuffs doesn't matter, you know, people get upset, you are humble enough to realize you may haev offended them one wy ro toe ther, and you are okay with the disrespect and you genuinely want to help people out, just to help them, nto to receive anything back, and fi they don't return it thats okay, bc now finally deep inside you know you gave out the help as a genuinely moral preson with zero expectation. you are finally at peace.

You are "just in the moment." The Peace that we've been searching for our whole lives.