u/Repulsive_Dingo_8597

On the hunt for a job. Any kind of job will do. If anyone is hiring or knows someone hiring let me know. Have a great night.

Personally, I, don't see gender. I don't know if that is the right way to put it but gender has always been an issue for me. What criteria do they use to name a gender? Is it the biological factors or is it behavioral or is it both? If they label me as a male because I have xy chromosomes then they shouldn't factor in my behavior. The gender roles that they made never made sense to me as well. The notion that a "man" must act a certain type of way is absurd to me. Humans are the only species with specific gender roles where a man has certain roles and women have their own roles and no gender should do the roles of the other. Some species of fish can change their gender at will and male horsefish are the ones getting pregnant. A female praying mantis eats the male after sex regadless of whether the sex was good or not. Insects like bees ants and termites, a female is the most important species for them. Circling back to humans I think all these gender talk fucked up our brains in the sense that people don't fully embrace or enjoy life because they wanna fit inside a box and be acceptable in society. when P Square said "what a man can do a woman can do" they were on to something. I'm not saying there is no difference between a "man" and a "woman" but the difference is only biological it shouldn't apply to behaviour or our psyche. We are wired to act a certain way and act a certain way to fit into the two genders they created. When a man talks in a "feminine" way people be like "huyo akona umama" "huyu si mwanaume" despite the fact that you share every biological factor. Kila kitu imekuwa genderized mpaka even natural occuring things like flowers and colours have been gendered. Apparently I can't like a plant that has been there for 140 million years just coz I'm a "man". Fucking insane. I struggle with my gender coz if we are looking at it from a biological sense then I am a man coz I have xy chromosomes but if we get into behaviour then technically I don't exist. Honestly I like everything. I love flowers. I love pink. I love SZA, Kehlani, KWN, Billie Eilish, Mariah the scientist and many more female artist (apparently listening to them isn't manly). I love to be told I'm cute. I'm also very delicate which is considered not being manly. I love being vulnerable (incase someone wants to take advantage of me). I also love the UFC. I love seeing men fight to the death. I love football . I love loud trap music. I love guns. I love cars. I love violence. So what does that make me? non binary? male? female? I think that we should just be ourselves. Fuck every social construct to exist. Fuck labels too. You are not straight or gay or lesbian or bi or trans. You are just human. We are all just humans none of this man and woman shit they be tryna force on us.

Just needed to rant that.

I have a great music taste. Might be up there with one of the best. Ever. And I have my friends' word as proof. Like Friedrich Nietzsche said "Without music, life would be a mistake". Music should be added as the 6th love language fr. Imagine living in 1800-1827 and seeing a deaf nigga play the Piano in Germany ( the nigga is Ludwig van Beethoven- the greatest composer to exist). And being high on shrooms. Stuff like that is life changing. Like the great Danish writer, Hans Christian Andersen said "where words fail, music speaks".

Great day ahead people.

I have a great music taste. Might be up there with one of the best. Ever. And I have my friends' word as proof. Like Friedrich Nietzsche said "Without music, life would be a mistake". Music should be added as the 6th love language fr. Imagine living in 1800-1827 and seeing a deaf nigga play the Piano in Germany ( the nigga is Ludwig van Beethoven- the greatest composer to exist). And being high on shrooms. Stuff like that is life changing. Like the great Danish writer, Hans Christian Andersen said "where words fail, music speaks".

Great day ahead people.

So I'm currently staying with my mum and bless her soul she's a good mother who let's me do things but she runs a tight ship when it comes to drugs or alcohol. She doesn't know that I do them or maybe she does. Anyway anytime I feel like taking a puff I have to go and "reconnect with nature" and so lazima nitafute chuom somewhere to smoke and chill coz going home high might induce paranoia and snitch me out. On this particular day (two days ago) as routine as always I go outside for some of that good weed and I usually have a spot where I smoke and chill. Its a cute lil spot I even made a lil bench to sit on and it has a really nice view where I can smoke and ponder. So as I get near the spot , I was probably a few hundred metres to the spot, I decide to light that mf up and this particular area is bit bushy so the spot is pretty hidden, while I walk towards the spot I hear movements but in my mind I'm like that's probably a cat or dog coz the place is well hidden. The idea of another person being there never crossed my mind. As I took a final turn to the spot, lo and behold I see two niggas making out passionately, like they hadn't seen each other for years. You know when in world war 2 when the gay soldiers went to war and they came back home to find their lovers waiting for them and they made out passionately, yeah it was like that. Couldn't even see their hands coz they were inside each other's pants😭😭At this point I'm high so everything is like a movie I don't even know how long I was standing there like a fucking creep but one of the guys noticed me and you could see the pure horror in his eyes when our eyes met. Everything next happened so fast but I've never seen niggas run that fast😂😂😂in a blink of an eye I was all alone. I sat at my bench horny and high and disappointed that they didn't even offer me to join them😭. I get why but still it was so hot 😭they were kissing like two gay French authors in the Napoleon era. Made me realise how lonely af I am atm. I smoked the rest of the joint and I went home dejected af wondering when's it gonna be me.

A while back my therapist saw that she was getting close to the truth but there was still some resistance from me ( therapist is a family friend and I'm sure she breaks the code of ethics and reports to my dad). So she told me if I'm still not ok with being vulnerable with people I'm familiar with then maybe I should try talking to strangers on the internet so here is me trying out her advice and being as vulnerable as possible.

I identify as Pansexual and maybe it's true maybe it's not. It's been a full year since I came out and finally accepted that I don't exclusively have feelings for women. The decision I made was based off a battle I've had with myself for a very long, long time. Now whenever I hear people talking about their queer awakening I get really uncomfortable because that's a really grey area for me and you'll see why. One thing about me is that I hate physical touch. Unwarranted physical touch. And not just from romantic partners, it applies to everybody family, friends and the general public as well. You know when you are alighting or getting in a matatu and the donda touches you? Yeah that shit can ruin my whole day. I don't know if this is normal behavior but yet again there is nothing remotely normal about me so it's ok.

All through my life from birth to like around 14 years I was 100% straight and innocent coz I didn't even know being gay was a real thing (despite growing up in coast). Kama si kusomea high-school in Nairobi I would have never known that men can have feelings for other men. Well maybe I would have in the future😂😂. Back to the main agenda the queer awakening. Now most stories I've heard were cute, yk someone was watching a show and a male character gave him a boner and that's how they knew. For me, the best way to explain it is like when a guy decides to kill pedos and rapists, like yes you are doing a good thing killing these evil people but then again that still makes you a murderer regardless, if that made any sense. Bear with me coz it will make sense in a minute. What I'm about to say next has never been heard by anyone except maybe some prostitute in Luthuli street (story for another time).

When I was 15 years old a male cousin of mine who was prolly like 24 at the time attempted to rape me while we were in ushago for the august holiday. Now I won't get into detail but I'd rank that night as top 3 worst and longest nights of my life. My whole world view shifted that night and first time admitting I've not being the same since. I've never told anyone in my family for some many reasons, some being obvious. One of the main reasons why I wouldn't say shit is coz my relationship with my family at the time was in the pits and I convinced myself that saying something would be worse than staying silent. And that's exactly what I did, I stayed silent. I'm now turning 24 in 2 months time and I have been silent for 9 years now. There are some comments he made about my body that night that stuck with me till this day. Now I need yall to visualize this coz it's important; my grandfather was a tycoon so we have a lot of land and in our traditional customs once a man has been circumcised he can't sleep in the main house anymore, so I was all alone with him in a house that was next to a tea plantation and the fucked up thing was the whole house had only one bed so I had to spend the whole night with the guy who just tried to rape me. You can imagine how frightening that experience was. At 15 I was a small nigga and he was huge so he had a heavy advantage on me. This was the first time I had ever been touched by a male person in a sexual way and I still can't forget his huge body on top of me or his beard resting on my lips as he tried to kiss me (probably the reason why I HATE hairy people). Anywho the morning came finally and we were going back to Nairobi that day and I had already decided to keep quiet and go on with life but boy was I wrong. One thing about me is I'm an overthinker and I have been that way since a child, a single thought can occupy my head for weeks. I thought going back to school would distract me from whatever I experienced but I was so fucking wrong. For atleast a year I kept replaying that night over and over and over again in silence. My behavior drastically changed, I became even more silent than my usual self, my grades just got worse and worse and my relationship at home also only got worse. I think my suicidal thoughts began then as well. Now for a brief moment I may have developed Stockholm's syndrome which was an even more confusing time for me. At the moment I have nothing but pure rage for the nigga. I know for a fact that when we are left in a room together he's not making it out alive. After the whole odeal I started looking at niggas differently, all of a sudden I'm now fantasizing about the male teachers as well and getting a massive boner. All of a sudden the twink in my class is looking kinda cute. Still I wrestled with these thoughts because in my head I know that homosexuality is wrong and evil. All through my highschool I suppressed these thoughts and I never acted upon them but from time to time I would still find myself fantasizing being with a men and getting a boner sometimes even the occasional precum. These were very confusing times. After high-school is when you get to the real world and that's when shit gets real and boy did shit get real. I'm blessed to have friends who care for me and if not for them I wouldn't have been alive today. I've been through two suicide attempts but I'm still here so thank you universe. My biggest conflict was always how my gay thoughts began and here is where the paradox occurs. I only started having "gay" thoughts only after that incident that night so does it mean that if the incident never happened I would have never awakened my attraction to men. Ponder on that for a lil min. That was actually what kept me up at night for so many years as an adult and tbh even rn I don't have the answer to that. One thing I do have is control over my life. I choose to let my body lead the way. After years of self hate I decided to listen to my body and with the help of my friend I came to the conclusion that I'm pan. Now the past year has been the best I've got to know some amazing queer people and I can say that I have gotten rid of the internal homophobia I was carrying around but the whole situtation of how I got here still lingers. Maybe one day I will get the answers I need but for now I think I'll let love lead the way. Live life one day at a time and have hope for a better tomorrow

For those who had the patience to read the whole thing, thank you for taking your time to read my rant and I hope this will ease the pain in my heart and help me find answers.

A rant.

If I had 1000 shillings for every time I was sexually assaulted I'd pay the country's debt. And the funny thing is that some of these situations won't be classified as SA. I'm demisexual meaning I need to have a romantic connection first before anything sexual so I don't get why I've known you for 5 minutes in the club and you are already grabbing my dick. Like HELLO!! can we talk about the political and economic state of the world first? And this applies to both men and women. Like I don't even know your name and you are already grabbing my ass? what happened to chivalry? Like there is a really amazing person attached to that fat ass you are grabbing. What a fucking horny country this is. And to make things worse I'm a grower like atleast let me fill up my dick first before grabbing it. And and aaaannnnnnnd don't get me started on the number of women who wanted to finger my ass on the first link up. Don't get me wrong I'm a sucker for dom women but we literally just met 2 seconds ago. Finding someone who wants to get to know me first is really hard. I've tried to get y'alls point of view but I'm sure some of you are tired of being sexualized first. What happened to human connection? All people wanna do is fuck and leave they don't even care for aftercare. And the funny thing isn't even the physical sexual abuse it's the verbal/emotional abuse that gets to me. The few number of times I've had sex at the first link up I've really struggled with keeping my shi hard or even climaxing and people just assume I have some sort of erectile dysfunction. For a very long time I also thought I had ED but it turns out I just didn't love you. My friends in the past actively tried to get me to cheat on my partner coz apparently "fucking multiple people at the same time makes me a man". Fucking toxic masculinity. For so long I thought something was wrong with me because physical touch icks me alot. Like ALOT. Don't get me wrong once I love you I crave physical touch ALL THE TIME, but only after I've known you for a while. I've been called gay by many women whenever my dick was not aroused by them, I've been called a fake gay by men whenever my dick was not aroused by them 😂😂crazy....and these people have never once questioned whether it was them that turned me off. I get that the majority isn't like me but some people NEED to learn consent. We as a society need to bring back writing poems and going on picnics first. The other reason why I don't do sex on the first link is coz of how attached I get after sex. I become like a toddler attached to the mother. All strings are attached in this household. I've tried the whole friends with benefits thing with some of my friends and then I end up looking like the shawry from that movie Obsession and I'm not kidding when I make that comparison. I can rant all day long, I know nothing's gonna change but I really wish there was a space for us demisexuals to just get to know each other. I also really wish there was someone anyone out there who wants me for me not for my body. Goodbye.

Edit: I am looking for Pinterest buddies 😙

woke up thinking about the ending and my day got ruined. David and Lucy deserved the world😖💔

Who has seen that video going rounds of him on tiktok live cutting himself all over with a kitchen knife during what seemed like a psychotic breakdown. Men make up roughly 60% of all suicide globally and as much as it's a disturbing video it's also a sad reminder that men's mental health get overlooked. In countries like Lithuania and Estonia there are more women than men because of the high number of suicidal death. So if you see a man outside give him a big hug and let him know he is loved.

it's Eris GREYRAT and Rudeus GREYRAT. Technically they are family but yet they did the deed. Anyway I love the new wild Eris😭

do people actually eat ass or is it a porn thing? coz the number of people claiming to actually eat ass doesn't add up.I feel like we are in a pandemic of fake munchers whether it's pussy or ass. Niggas are larping eating ass I just can't prove it.....yet

First of all let's agree that this is the greatest book ever written let alone the best queer book.

The first time I heard of this book was when I was still straight and my situationship at the time suggested it ( fishy I know). I downloaded the book in PDF and read it. Honestly what a great book. short synopsis is Achilles, yes the Achilles, has a lover called Patroclus another man and they go to war together and fight next to each other. Honestly the way the writer describes their love is like nothing I had read before. It made me literally yearn to be in a mlm relationship so bad that I think it made me realise who I really was fast enough. I remember reading the intimate parts and being "disgusted" by it and yet I had a massive boner everytime😂😂anyway it's a book that always stuck with me ever since. I think I'm gonna read it again and this time I won't have homophobia disrupting my book. I'd encourage those who haven't read it to do so.

Yes I did it. As guilty as OJ Simpson. Anyway story begins a few months ago, I've been feeling numb these past few months and I've been trying everything to feel something. Anything. I started watching sad movies/ videos to at least feel sad but that didn't work. I tried watching gore horrors but that didn't work too so I started watching gore videos yk decapitation videos and stuff but that did not work. I tried everything to improve my mental health but nothing happened. Sex was out of the picture at the moment coz of some few reasons.

Then comes the weekend when my sister has an academic day in her school and my mum says that she doesn't wanna go so she sends me. At first I was reluctant coz who wants that, but as the first born I knew it was my responsibility. Before that my siz kept telling me how the class teacher has been requesting to see me ( prolly coz my sister is always talking about me). So on the day when I went for the academic day it was just like any other. A professional meeting between a guardian and a teacher. We exchanged contacts at the end but tbh I felt some spark between us. I guess you could say it was the exchanged glances or the awkward smiles but sth was definitely there. For context I'm in my early twenties while she's in her mid to late 20s. I text her 4 days after the academic day and she was so chatty at first it made me question everything. I do not know how it happened but one thing led to another and bam!! we are on a date. Now, for my people who have experienced dissociation before yk how surreal life feels. One thing led to another and we went back to her place and did it. And in that instance I felt something.

Now I'm very much of a demisexual so this experience was a big deal for me, not sure if it was for her, but damn the dopamine was so worth it. So now it has been a month and we do it on the regular kwanza vile saa hii watoto wako holiday🤤😭I'd do her everyday. she's totally my type but I do know that nitachoka na yeye eventualy and move on but for now let me enjoy this sweet kamba mango😋😋unethical relationhips are the best.

I'm prolly the only one but big dicks piss me off so bad😭😭😭like at what point in evolution did we need a big dick? What tf were we fucking back then that warranted a big dick? why would you with your 9 inch breath the same air as my 2 inch optimus prime destroyer😭allat meat is unnecessary. all big dick people should be thrown in the wild to be with their species (elephants and horses). anywho joining my momevent will bring justice to the little guys

Finally tapped into romance anime and I have no one to watch it with😪this life. Maybe thanos was right. Anyway who likes anime?

Sidenote: Happy pride month to all. This is actually my first pride month but it definitely won't be my last.

randomly decided to watch this anime and it's sooooo peak😍 three days till the next episode tho😫