u/Repulsive_Tie4834

Well, it’s come to this. Rent is unaffordable for the disabled. I lost my $1000 bachelor unit due to rising cost of living especially since Rib ford erased rent control and covid. I’m looking into tents. This city failed the poor and needy. You can’t even rent an apt working full time minimum wage. When 60 percent of the city are homeowners they own the vote and renters be damned. They want ever increasing property values. But what happens to all the service workers and working poor. Too bad for you we got ours. Disgusting . So bye bye off I go to join my brothers out on the street while half the units in condos sit empty.

Maybe Mars was the old world and earth is the new. Maybe Saturn is Hell who knows. Maybe Jesus was Buddah and Miyamoto Musashi. Maybe we don’t know sht. Maybe the Ancient Greeks and Incas and Egyptians didn’t build those stone megaliths and pyramids. Maybe humans go back way farther than we think. Maybe all these ruins were already here and we just inherited it all. We worried about gas when most of it just burns in rush hour traffic and land owners making slaves of renters maybe it’s time for another reset. Got all these ‘leaders’ want to be war lords how about Jesus riding on a comet straight to earth in a blinding light of glory.

I’m 45. Recently became aware my mother is a bully, narcissist, devouring mother. I was a naive fool like Perceval . I used to have braces and crooked teeth. Maybe part remembering my mom pulling out ‘loose’ teeth when i was a child by tying it with floss and yanking them out. Maybe part why I needed up with crooked teeth and need braces .

I think I’ve been individuizing jung jungian

I’ve been having dreams of me pulling out loose braces and metal work and I think I actually feel the pain . It’s very uncomfortable. I feel something loose like a a small piece of metal braces then as I pull it becames larger and I have to pry them out gently . Then also I’m my throat. I hope those are over.

I’m also physically disabled with a back disability with chronic pain. When I dream I am not disabled and I go out and about cities and places and I have experiences . My normal life is suffering but in the dream world I have another life.a

I’m 45. My devouring narcissist mother is 75. Dad passed away two years ago. I lived on my own for the last 25 years. I spent the last year staying with her and cleaning her apartment which is a two bedroom. She is somewhat a hoarder, messy. Disorganized. She had a clean start. I haven’t seen for six months the because of the last year. She is a bully. Then she went to stay with my sister for the summer in another city and I am staying at her apt. It’s even worse than before.

I understand her because I am the same as her getting emotionally attached to things and what except I am more aware. I’ve been cleaning and organizing her apt the last couple months and realize she needs help. She is going somewhat crazy. Talks big about being independent but man she made a mess .

I can’t even explain some of the crazy things I’m finding. It it also makes me feel sad and compassion and lover her more? Seeing how helpless she is but tries.

I’m not any better but she’s losing it. I have to move in and support her. I’ve made peace with it somewhat that this is my new purpose in life for the next 20 years. Take care of my mom.

Though she doesn’t deserve it, it is my duty and responsibility as a son and for my dad and morals , integrity and responsibility as a man.

I spent the last two years cutting of all toxic and narcissistic people from my life which turned out to be everyone work, friends, family. Until it was just me. And I’m at peace.

But I guess men are made to suffer. It would be an honour.
My mother is so broken she was bullied since a kid let life beat her to a pulp hating life herself and blaming her family hating us and her existence but I was able to break the curse.

What is a man to do. If I leave she loses her mind her delusions are too deep. She has become a reprobate mind.

My grandmother was lived in this apt with one of her sons when she was elderly. He ended up jumping into a Lake. And my grandmother alone all the kids busy are didn’t want to deal with her. At the end she ended up in a nursing home dying alone with people unable to understand her and she was a lot to deal with. Probably angry and alone and cared and half minded. . I can’t let that happen to my mother.

I can say all this now but she is coming back in a month and I am thinking oh fk.

Get ready boys this is where we fight and die. Rawwwww!!

Just found this page and piriformis. Sounds like what I have. A bunch of scare tissue adhesions all in my piriformis muscles basically anything my lower spine to tip of tail bone sacrum and coccoeyx the whole ridge lining of pelvis.

45 years old long history of low back issues physical labour like loading trucks at ups to office work sitting I. Chair all day to martial arts for over ten years slamming my leg and weak hips ligaments into a heavy bag until the wheels fell off. Currently disabled for five years now . Been so long that I forget what it’s like to be normal. If someone could feel what I have for one day they would lose their sht and run to emergency. Thing about chronic pain is that it’s always there . Not high like a 9 but a dull numb 6 24/7. I also don’t smile anymore even when I’m happy I got a serious scoul because I have to focus every movement I don’t even think about contracting my core when standing up but not like I have a choice. Sorry anyway…

I have bunch of scar tissue from ten years of Muay Thai kickboxing and brazialian jiu jitsu . And also steroid injections and prolotherapy both of which probably more than required but not sure.

For the last two years I have been breaking up my fascia and adhesions after years I finally figured it was fascia or scar tissue and broke it down taking long hot walks in summer with a nape sack and moving my hips at home.

90 percent of my time is spent moving and jiraoting my hips trying to get things in the right places . Now it’s almost like a compulsion to numb pain but I spent most of my time bed ridden laying down and I’m always moving my hips manipulating my low spine things feel stuck, pop, lock, grind .

After a year of removing adhesions from my thighs and hamstrings and upper and middle back I even had attachments in my neck that attached all the way to my low spine . Whole pelvic ridge ring around the world. Now two years it’s all accultumulated to my sacrum. Or I had a major stuck issue there. Plug or damn. For years I thought my tailbones were completely scrunched in like a fist or completely shattered or squashed like a turtle hiding its head.

Few days ago the adhesion on my sacrum became unstuck . Ya it hurt when those adhesions break and pop but it has to be done anyway.

I can feel and control my tailbone after years of hiding in its shell. I can feel the path from low spine to tip of tail bone is open. But the whole area especially my piriformis muscles are jacked super tight.

All my scar tissue feels like putty all in my piriformis and pelvic ridge and sacrum and cocoyexx .

And my whole existence is manipulating my hips trying to make things go in place but it never stops. Every time I sit on a toilet and get up it’s back to square one .the scar tissue doesn’t go away it feels like a two handfuls of putty I’m hoping my body breaks it down though may take years .

Everything is super sensitive right now I haven’t shaken my tail feather in years and I keep moving my hips to pop it all out but it also never ends.

Wondering if the adhesions holds certain things in lace or a reason was I better off. Idk.

Edit: oh God shock city I ain’t moving screw that oh lord

Like a dog whistle.

I cut off all toxic people from my life over the last two years since my father passed. I saw some horrendous sht from my mom and two sisters. Didnt even know what a narcissist was then. Anyway. I told my sister off a year ago and she reached out and all nice she got money but I don’t want no blood money i rather be homeless. Figured out my mom is a bully. Never was fully aware before but she’s a jerk to me punching bag door mat she blames me for her poor miserable life. Sorry. I said no more not for me but for dad. Why does it have to be this way. My own mom and sisters hate and are jealous of me like fkn Cinderella aka Bella well I’m free now I’m an eagle rise above and keep moving forward kaakaaaaaa! I trust no one every one I ever trusted betrayed me and get pleasure from my suffering meanwhile I just want the best and have good intentions.

I can’t get into it it’s waaaay to crazy but just wondering say you live in a rooming house (an old Victorian home converted into little bachelor units. I I’ve in the basement and a couple are my neigh’s they have the only “one bedroom” they came over from Calgary oldish couple or senior 65-70ish. Been friends for years. Not to close. And she always been nosey and chatty. Long story short last August she would start sweeping around my window area. I also have three cats so keeping my window open is important and had no issues for years. I lived there for five years just moved out three months removed.

It was one of the straw brooms like a witch and it would make that straw scrapping cement sound che che che.

I’m was also the biggest pushover ever and agreeable basically a wuss. This couple “own” the place.

So she would sweep every day for months .i just tolerated it but she would get closer little by little until by Oct she is right by my window. And she would come at random times every sweep for at least 5-20 minutes. I would just close my window when I heard her sweeping but so could still hear her che Che Che. And she would come not only random times but also multiple times sometimes two , three times per day from 7am to 7pm I never knew when.

There is also nothing by my window it’s basically an alley way with another rooming house next door. It’s a thin space Im between the houses no one goes through there and my window is at the edge of the property that runs into my neighbours. Also a stairwell for escape next door. Her window is towards the front of the house .so she basically creeping like a gremlin I would never have the idk.

So by Nov four months strong she was now at my window sweeping directly im front amd im getting distressed now after already towering months but i wasn’t aware what was going on at the time.

When she would come now I would make it obvious and give signs like slam my window hard one time she made a spooked sound but kept going regardless . I put pictures of Angels and even a death figure and witch like obvious warning hey!!!!!!

Long story short I called it out and exposed her and all hell broke loose so after making known stay away from my window she sweeper again. I opened my window and her feet were standing right in front of my face it was literally the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

I ran out and got assaulted and cops called on me for standing up to myself I just wanted to be left alone in peace .

I’m 45 and disabled I look like a drugie or unstable and her a sweet old lady but it’s the other way around .
Even cops didn’t give me slack and I didn’t rat. But told her to leave me alone . No one wants to deal with that.

I wanted to move but couldn’t back then so I stayed there nov to May another 6 months. But I was basically a hermit in solitary confinement. I would only go out after midnight a walk cautious and started wearing all black. I used to dress bright and free spirit what not.

I was really naive and a fool and open. They knew what I was going through, broke, disabled, Tryikg to finish art school and take care of three cats. I think pretty much for years I was depressed and bummy then two years ago I started changing personal growth yadaf dada

I went ima dark place all winter basically turned into Batman and joker no smiling no taking serious no emotion I would also start wearing sunglasses including round reflective ones like elijajnwood in sin city. I also covered my window with cardboard because I was so broke I’m eating at the homeless shelter at the time and getting cat food from the animal shelter I as also walking with a cane at the time.

I’m just trying to survive and become a better person.

Not sure what was worse the four months of sweeping or four months after going from spoogebob the Bain.

I finally moved in June gone by summer I flew away I was getting really trauma abuse or what’s it called so I had to get out.

But I’m different now. I don’t smile. Even when I’m happy. I’m more calm and aware and sharp. From like joker to Batman. I’m grounded and inner peace . Stoic. Or ths is ptsd .

While thing was also a mind fk because no none would verify my story . I was gangstalked by a whole group in my building including the super. All talk and gossip about me .

After the cop incident I said I’m leaving and basically got a okay byeeeeee ya . No one even knows what happend on my side . Meanwhile she saying all kinds of things I’m crazy unstable blah blah blah.

Hardest part was not talking to her and say sorry. I almost did a few times and even had Christmas presents for them but I couldn’t with this .

Am I tripping ? I feel that I was Stalked, in the legit legal sense. And bullied, harassed. Monitored. Peeping Tom, predators .
All winter and spring I didn’t see any sun for four months . Any sound my the window would freak me out. Even now the sound of a broom sweeping gives me terror and shriek. Che Che Che . Che Che Che .fkn witch.

Told my narcissist mom to stay with her temporary and she said no and of course it was my fault.

Everyone swept it under the rug group cowards but one’s literally on the brink of murder suicide crash out . I don’t even remember the last four months . I don’t do any laundry either ended up with beg bugs by April . Cats got out safe.

Bruh,…..I feel was almost sexually violated .how serious would you find this? Neighbour sweeping for months by your window. I swear it was a calculated and cruel .

She be happy if I murdered her aging husband for her do her job but quicker and take me out suicide or prison wouldn’t surprise me diabolical I would say, evil.

Sorry, how messed up should I be?

Mess with me but not my cats! Those are my babies word life how’s dare you. Still not even sure what her whole plan was but if she wanted a monster she got a monster by time I left she would get spooked when I ran into her even gasping like she saw a ghost and jitter but dancing left right last time I saw them they were sitting on the front stairs stoop saw me and scuttled in their rat hole. Sorry.

I wanted to bust through their door on Christmas Eve with Santa hat 3am like jack Nicholson in the shining,,, here’s Johnny!!! Ho ho ho …merry christmas!!!

Then you don’t come ourside for the next six months all through winter only past midnight and walking slow and methodical every step like a lion on patrol. watching dark joker grim grit videos thinking I’m the Joker. Started wearing all black and round reflective sunglasses. No smiling dead cold no emotion. By summer she would scream when if we crossed pathes and dance like a jitter bug. I also grew horns with my hear. I became stoic like Batman dark knight but looking back now a couple of months removed I’m laughing at the sunglasses tried to be like Elijah Wood in Sin City. All seems silly now but made sense at time and now kind of hilarious but wonder if anyone got the Sin City reference obvious?

I been living by myself my whole life. I need my own bathroom. Willing to share kitchen. I don’t know anything about renting a room. Are there buildings that offer dorm style where you have a little room and washroom with a shared kitchen in the floor? Are there rooms like that?

Or is it pretty much find a room mate and split an apt ? I can’t do that.

For example if they watch Cinderella. Do they realize that they are the evil stepmom and sisters? Jealous haters who want to destroy. They are the villains and jerks and azzholes bullies.

And if it does do they then hate the movie?

Or are they so delusional that they think they are Cinderella.

Do they ever realize they were in the wrong side of history.

I am mental and physical disabled on ODSP.
Currently ‘homeless’ staying at moms temporary don’t pay rent but can’t stay here long term. She is visiting my sister for the summer so I am house sitting for next few months. Gave my notice at my apt because I am 3 months behind rent so took this chance. But once she comes back I got to go.

ODSP income: $809 per month
Visa: $8000 (7500 limit)
Line of Credit: $2,930 (3000 limit)
Lend Direct: $3,438.17
Partners in Credit: $4,191.83

Expenses:
Phone: $50
Cat food/litter (I have 3 cats) $100
Medical Marijuana: $200
Nicotine Vape: $50

I have been putting off declaring bankruptcy for a year. Like looking up at a giant roller coaster my stomach drops.

I just spoke with a bankruptcy person and she told me that I could file for bankruptcy $200 per month for 9 months.

Then she said you actually don’t have to pay since I have no assets or work. There is a 2 year rule statute of limitations. She said after 2 years the debts gets not erased but they can’t collect. So the collection calls will stop.

$200 for 9 months seems like a great deal. And I think the debt ‘disappears’ right away if I’m correct.

Or ignore and don’t pay but what happens after the two years? Are the debts still on my record? They will always be there? The thought that they still exist feels like a weight on my back.

Im afraid!

Edit: sorry I am also unable to work. I have a broken back. Scar tissue all attached to my tailbone. I’m in chronic pain some days I just want to end it. I can’t stay my feet for more than a hour. And if I got a job I am unreliable some days I can’t walk.

I guess my work is a starving artist. I have to make art because it’s the only thing that keeps my mind off the pain when I engage my eyes and hands focus.

I actually was in art school but dropped out due to life stress.

My mom can also take two of my cats so I can have one.

For self defence. You can carry them easy. And for some reason a wack from a drum stick hurts like heck man. Give someone a wack on the head or thigh it stings. Hitting boney area like skull it stuns. And you have two! Just stick and move and wack the head like a drum. Plus you can open carry hanging out your pocket any wear and super light weight. Drum sticks martial arts.