u/Responsible_Rapunzel

Basically what the Titel says. My PhD supervisor - who ironically does research in gender studies - had an open postdoc I applied to. In the job interview, I wasn't at my best because I recently had a child, was unemployed after their birth and was rather desperate for work. My supervisor then asked me whether I'd be able to work full-time and whether I had childcare lined up which was already not legal and morally questionable.

In the end, she rejected me for the job because I didn't publish enough in the year before (I had a high risk pregnancy and only published nationally, not internationally) and didn't have a new research focus (I had just finished my PhD when I got pregnant). Turns out, she employed a man with less experience, a degree in a different field but older and child free and with more _drive_. Well, that was that. My official complaint due to discrimination was filed but didn't have enough evidence so nothing happened from the side of the university.

At this point, I thought I'd just get over it, but the community in my field is very small and the PI was a horrible person to so many people and her practices were not ethical in many ways. She is known for not crediting people for her work - I rewrote one paper for her and didn't make it to acknowledgements and one other former colleague wasn't even mentioned as a contributor to a project in the publications after she left even though she did most of the research. My PI would request they be co-author for all papers written in the lab but didn't read most of them - she once asked for extensive revisions in the galley proof because she couldn't be bothered to read the paper beforehand.

Her scientific career is crap - consistently bad teaching reviews, few low-impact publications, no third party funding except for small local ones, no substantial scientific discoveries - the whole works. She's supposed to retire in a few years and from what I've gathered, she hired the other person because she needs someone to publish more and generate research output - which I couldn't have done because I'd have needed to get into the field again after maternity leave, I was gone for 9 months and had trouble working during pregnancy, so I missed about a year of opportunities.

Basically, I'm at a point where I think: if I leave academia because it's a hostile work environment and heavily favours people like her who just step on others to get ahead, should I use this as an opportunity to complain about her unethical practices to the university and to journals where she submitted work and left out contributors on purpose? I have paper trails in two cases and former co-workers of hers who would substantiate my claims of a hostile work environment created by her that led to us including her on our publications even though her contribution was zero and to several health issues in former colleagues (high blood pressure due to stress, acute hearing loss, burnout). Is it worth it? Or am I just bitter (which I definitely could be, but still)?

So, this is what happened today, I'm a new redditor in this sub and mostly just need some perspective of whether I'm overreacting:

This morning, my partner's grandpa accidentally locked himself out while home alone and with something on the stove. He then walked (!) to see his friend and called my MIL, because grandpa didn't have keys nor phone nor emergency numbers. Friend called my MIL who was abroad at the time and told her the sad tale of: I got locked out, I have lunch on the stove and I don't know what to do, 20 minutes walking distance from home.

And this is what happened then and I am still boiling over it: MIL called my partner who is a full time carer for our baby and asked us to drive to grandpa's place (1.5 hour drive) and made it seem like an emergency because, again, lunch on the stove, house could burn down. Apparently, calling the fire department is for actual emergencies.

At the time MIL called, I was working, had an urgent appointment in two hours, and if we had driven to grandpa's, we would have had to take baby with us so my partner said they'd have to coordinate with me on the how's and why's. While we were coordinating (aka me freaking out because I was preparing my appointment and couldn't just up and leave) MIL apparently told grandpa I'd be on my way and there within the 1.5 hours of driving time and then grandpa walked home again, to again be without a phone.

Because I’ve also been recovering from a recent illness and due to the stress of the day, we called MIL back and said no and asked that our boundary, being allowed to say no when we genuinely don’t have the capacity, be respected. Instead of accepting that, everyone became upset because it was more convenient for me to drive than for them to arrange a locksmith or ask someone else for help or act like this is an emergency and call emergency services. In addition, MIL is now mad at me for blowing up on the phone at her how I'm not emergency services and what in the world they were thinking calling us and guilting us into agreeing to drive there in the first place even though there were a million other possibilities they could have chosen.

I am still reeling from the idiocy of it all, but is this actually as bad and stupid as I feel it is? Thanks for your feedback and help!

I am currently planning on applying for an MSCA fellowship, have a valid project idea and a possible host and after trying to understand the process, my anxiety level went to the stratosphere.

Does anyone have any good information packages/tips on how to prepare the proposal or could point me to writing guidelines or something? My national contact point isn't very helpful, sadly, and the task feels quite daunting with the amount of and the broadness of the information available on the horizon website.