u/RevolutionaryBet4948

I staid at Rogers behavioral health ocd and anxiety unit and it was awful I told them I can’t stay in the bed wit my husband and dint stay in the same room at nite as my husband I haven’t been able to touch him in 5 to 6 months ain’t showered in 5 to 6 months and have been in the same clothes for 5 to 6 months and haven’t left my house in over a year and I can only sit in my bed and on my side of the couch and can barely touch anything in my home I live in Tennessee and didn’t wanna travel to Wisconsin if they couldn’t help me I was told they could and so I did my best and got there ince I got there noone new anything bout me and my ocd I was out in a room wit a roommate who had stuff everywere contamintion stuff to me she had been there awhile and her room was messy and full of stuff I had to leave everything I had been there the get there I curly stay in a room wit someone the place is old a gross the carpet is brown and is dirty it only gets vacuumed the bathrooms were so gross my roommate who had been at the adolescent unit for 2 months couldn’t shower there and had to go home my new roommate also hasn’t been able to shower and other residents witout contamination complained bout the shower ans that place is not for ppl wit severe ocd some ppl there just have anxiety everyone there has lives and jobs and is jsut haveing a good time can participate in everything none of them were struggling wit severe ocd so I felt alone the ppl who were in the bathrooms for along time went home cause they weren’t given the proper help there’s so many ppl who are jsut rich young ppl who can’t handle shit and go there the staff was useless and horrible and rude the behavioral specialist werent very good and always tried catching you in a lie he always thought you were lieing and he basically always made me feel like I was lieing bout my ocd and the therapist sucked weren’t helpful there is no helpful erp stuff it’s all on you to do by yourself the entire day of groups wasn’t helpful I just couldn’t believe wat I went threw for no reason i thiught I’d meet ppl like me and I didn’t I jsut felt alone so don’t go if you realy do have severe OCD.

I have to be at Rogers on Tuesday. I’m flying out Monday night and staying in a hotel first. I’m terrified because I haven’t left my house in over a year.

I haven’t showered in months, and I’ve been wearing the same clothes for months. I can’t leave wearing those clothes because of my contamination OCD, so I have to change into completely different ones. I also haven’t been able to wash my own hair in over seven years—my husband has always washed it for me. Since I haven’t showered in months, we haven’t washed my hair either, and it’s become badly matted. We’re going to try to wash it before I leave because I know it may be a long time before I’m able to do that myself.

I’m so scared. I really hope I’m able to go, and I hope I’m able to stay. I’m afraid I’ll panic, get overwhelmed, and want to leave before I even give treatment a chance.

I also have to take an Uber to the airport because I haven’t been able to get into our cars due to my contamination OCD. I’ve had to buy new suitcases and all new clothes because I don’t feel like I can bring my own things from home. One of my biggest fears is that everything I bought will become contaminated, and I won’t be able to take anything.

I know this is what I need to do, but it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to face. I’m hoping this is the first step toward getting my life back.

This is long but I got approved to go to Rogers Behavioral Health in Wisconsin. I’m in Tennessee, so I’ll have to travel, and with my OCD that’s going to be very hard for me. Things have gotten so bad that I feel like I can’t do anything anymore. I just sit in my chair and my bed in the same clothes for months, unable to shower. I haven’t left my home in over a year. I don’t want to touch anything. I just sit here being careful and avoiding things.

I’ve been struggling a lot lately. I’ve had OCD since I was younger. I’ve never done ERP. I’ve been in inpatient a few times, but I never really got help for my OCD, so I’ve had rituals I’ve been doing in some variation for years.

For instance, I’ve been changing my clothes a certain way for years. Whatever most people do when they wake up and get ready, I have to do as part of a ritual. I can’t do any of those things outside of the ritual. One example is putting my hair up. I have to put my hair up in the same bun as part of the ritual. I can’t just put my hair up and down outside of it.

Things have gotten so bad that I’ve not been able to do my dressing ritual because of my contamination OCD. My hair is now matted. I also haven’t been able to wash my own hair in over 7 years. My husband washes it for me. But because I’ve been in the same clothes for so many months, unable to take them off because of contamination OCD cause I don’t want clothes to touch certain body parts, I’ve not been able to get my hair washed. It’s just matted. I can’t do my dressing ritual, I can’t shower, I can’t do anything with my hair.

Laundry has also been very hard for me for years. As things got worse, I’ve become unable to do laundry. I have contamination OCD around certain products and around laundry in general. I would open the washer, wash my hands, bend over the washer, and roll up one clothing item really small so I could take it out without it touching anything. If something touches it, or if my brain makes me think something touched it, it doesn’t go in the dryer. Sometimes I have to stop and wash my hands again. Taking things out one item at a time while bent over the washer can take a very long time and is very frustrating.

Then it got so bad that it started taking longer and longer to wash my hands. It feels like I’m dividing my hands into a million sections and washing each section separately, never really feeling clean and spending a very long time doing it.

I also have certain products that are contaminants to me. They can be normal products that people use every day, but I can’t buy them at the store, I can’t set them anywhere, and if I do have them, they have to stay in their designated spot. If someone moves something, I feel like I have to clean that area. Even then, it never really feels clean again, so I just avoid it.

I’m afraid to come here and be unable to do something and end up feeling stuck. I don’t want to come back home because leaving is going to be so hard. Taking off the clothes I’ve been wearing for so many months is going to be hard.

I also won’t be able to take all of the clothes I use during my dressing ritual. Some clothes have to be worn in a certain order. For example, if I have 10 of something that I wear in rotation, I have to wear all 10 before starting over. If I only bring 5, I can’t just restart with those 5. I’d need all 10. Because of that, I’m having to buy second sets of clothes, buy so many clothes, bring them into a house that I can barely move around in, and then travel with them. I’m afraid they’ll get contaminated and I won’t be able to use them.

I know this might sound complicated, but I just want to know if they’re going to be able to help me with this stuff. I feel like I’ve never seen anyone with OCD like mine or rituals like mine. I know people wash their hands a lot, but mine is a handwashing ritual that has become so complex. When I touch something contaminated and wash my hands, it’s like my hands are divided into a million parts and my brain keeps telling me they’re not clean and to keep going.

I just want to know if anyone else has gone to Rogers Behavioral Health, if they’ll be able to help me, and if they’re not going to immediately make me do things right off the bat. I feel like there are so many everyday things I can’t do because of the rituals, because I never feel clean, because I never feel like I can get clean, because of the constant mental torture, and because I avoid so much.

I can’t leave my house. I can’t take off my clothes. I can’t shower. I haven’t been able to wash my hair in over 7 years. I also like my shirts really big so they’re not tight against my body and touching certain body parts that feel contaminated to me. I’ve had to buy several of the same shirt in case something happens to one because I know exactly how that shirt feels and fits on my body. Since I can’t do laundry, having backups feels important.

Leaving is going to mean putting on different clothes and outside clothes, and that’s scary. I don’t want to travel all this way and have them not understand me or not be able to help me.

Please don’t be mean. I’m struggling. I’m panicking. I’m scared. I’m depressed. This feels like my last option.

I just want to know what it will be like and whether they can help me. I don’t want to be asked to do something right away, like get dressed and go to group, if I can’t shower and get dressed. I don’t want them to tell me to go do laundry if I’m unable to do it. This is hard to explain. If you saw me and lived with me, you’d understand the amount of avoidance I have around everyday things.

Can someone please explain the program and what I should tell them about my OCD? I hear this place can be life-changing. I just want to be able to do things again. Even though things have always been hard for me, I still managed to do them. Lately it’s gotten so hard that I had to stop. I just couldn’t handle it anymore.

I’m afraid, and I’d appreciate any advice or anything helpful you can tell me.