u/Ro-kives

I thought I protected them enough I thought I did my best but my best didn't do. I got them as a Christmas gift and I honestly have no idea how to tell my parents because I'm going to get yelled at for it. At this point I've broken about 10+ headphones and it was just about all of my families headphones in my earlier youth I broke them on purpose out of anger and now they just break by mistake. I use them to block out things I don't want to hear in school and now I have nothing its like I can't have anything in here. Not peace not freedom just suffering life. I don't even have the energy to be angry anymore I've been sucked dry of my wrath and don't know how to express my emotions and they don't even work for that long like I'm not supposed to.

I don't know if I'm going to make it out of school I don't know if the world will ever go back to normal I hate how god made me and I want to die I don't want to become a father I don't want to be the very thing I despise that being I don't want to end up loosing myself but I don't know if I can keep this up any longer its like whenever I tell god to let me go his stoic face already can tell he won't he's going to turn me into everyone else if only I could kill myself or get a hug

One day everyone will change into the exact same people I despise doing the exact same things I despise of them and I'll be all on my own

I just don't know like literally I don't know I hate being civil, I hate being autistic I hate repitition, I hate being around weird people