u/RobotFromPlanet

I posted here a week ago, saying I wanted "relationships" rather than "partners." Only after a lot of back-and-forth did I realize how my statements were being misunderstood and why so many people were just telling me I'm just a polyamorist.

I didn't mean "relationships" in the sense of "romantic/sexual partners." I meant "relationships" in the sense of "relations to others" writ large.

I'm keen to decentre partnership-type relationships as the "most meaningful" relationships in the world. People see and treat me like I'm somehow bereft of "meaningful relationships" because I don't "partner up."

By contrast, I subjectively experience my life as full with a rich ecosystem of relationships: I have a "relationship" with the elder orphan on my street, I have a "relationship" with the plants in my garden, I have a "relationship" with the kinkster who lives downtown, I have a "relationship" with myself, and so on.

What "relationships" is "relationship anarchy" about? Is it just a way for rethinking romantic/sexual partnerships, or more fundamentally about the diversity of ways we relate?

Forget about things that "push" you away from coupled life (or dating in general). What is it about single life that pulls you to it?

For me, the number one answer is: the time I get to spend with myself. I could list a few other things (e.g., my autonomy, my independence, etc.), but what stands out above all else is my sweet, sweet solitude. I love all the quiet time I get to spend hearing my own thoughts clearly, exploring my own mind, and letting my imagination take me where it may.

I don't feel pushed away by others. I'm just pulled more strongly towards myself.

I've been having trouble finding a language to express how I live and love. Maybe someone here can point me in the right direction?

I move in a lot of queer circles and people are throwing "radical" ideas at me left, right, and centre: polyamory, queerplatonic partnerships, etc.

I almost feel afraid to say that I don't want any kind of partner. I've done the "partnership" thing and it robbed me of my most authentic ways of relating to others.

I love meeting people. I love getting to know someone. I love hearing about other people's lives and getting to tell others about mine. I love "being intimate" in all sorts of ways -- and then also going our separate ways afterwards.

I feel at a loss for language to tell people what that makes me. Is there a term that sums this up -- or should I drop the search for terms entirely and just focus on living authentically?

I separated from my ex about a year ago. We were together for nine years in total. Although we were not married, our period of cohabitation (five years) in this jurisdiction meant that we had to go through a legal separation (basically, a "divorce lite"). As that process is now coming to an end -- and I feel "legally single" at last -- I've been reevaluating what I want from my life going forward.

Personally, I didn't come out of this process feeling like "relationships are bad." Instead, I came out feeling like solitude, autonomy, and independence are amazing. Right now, the "cost" associated with coupling up again doesn't feel worth giving these things up.

But I'm curious to hear from others who have separated from a long-term partner or divorced a spouse: why did you choose not to couple up again?

I was inspired to ask this question by a recent post asking about how many community members are celibate.

I am quite happily single. I am also quite sexually active.

My situation may be a bit different than most because I am a gay man and, among gay men, having casual sexual partners is very common. I have never felt the need to "date" any of these men; I enjoy being an autonomous and independent person.

It makes me wonder: how many other people here are still sexually active while being happily single?