u/Rolling_blonde_boy

You see, I want to make a comic someday, inspired by the likes of One Piece and such.

But the thing is, I know that just reading manga alone won’t make me a better writer. I need to expand my world, to understand a craft I want to partake in, even books out of my comfort zone or books that don’t interest me.

So please, give me recommendations. Stuff that will broaden how I think about writing. As much as I loving figuring things out on my own, there’s more of the world of writing that I need to explore before I take my first steps.

Whether it’s comics, novels, or whatever, anything will be appreciated.

Tw: Bullying, harassment, reference to SH.

I thought I changed from how I was in the past. I used to be so cowardly, but it seems like I still am.

There’s this one guy in my life. He’s honestly as jackass, I’ll mention stuff I like and he always chimes in with “That thing is dogshit!” And most of his humour in past consisted of telling me to >>Kill myself,<< calling me slurs, and saying he’d kill my partners. I forgave him for that, and I’m trying to let bygones be bygones.

But for whatever reason I act insanely pathetic around him.

I keep trying to do these litmus tests to see if he’d still be a jackass to me, or if he’d just leave me alone.

And one of my exes seemingly flirts with him, and I can’t tell if it’s a joke or not. If it’s not, I can’t believe that my ex would like a guy who was openly so rude to me and him, joke or not. And that has me acting like a crummy incel going “WHY DO THEY LIKE BAD BOYS!?” Instead of just accepting that my ex prolly just likes him.

My current bf joked around with him and my pathetic ass thought they were flirting. And I ended up just acting like a clingy sulky douche.

I’ve become everything I didn’t want to be. Cowardly and spiteful.

I hate myself and wish I could just bring myself to act like the bigger man for once.

Excuse my language, but I just used to be so fucking cowardly.

I was too afraid to speak my own truth, and just continuously resorted to rolling over and placating to the people around me rather than actually having a back bone. And I’d just plaster people with platitudes and call it a solution rather than actually facing conflict.

When people are mad at me, I didn’t argue back. I just went to “I’m sorry I’m stupid!” And just deprecating myself in the hopes that it would make them happy. I wouldn’t even defend myself at all.

There was this one post I made, I don’t wanna get into details out of embarrassment (and plus it’s deleted now) but all you need to know is that it was some thing that I was trying to get a second opinion on rather than just making my own. and I basically was just sucking up to everyone criticizing me in the comments. I hated that moment. And I can only blame myself. Not only did I not create my own thoughts and just ran to others, I didn’t even have the courtesy to fight back.

Apart of me someone would recognize me from that deleted post and get on my case. Brining up that awful cowardice I used to exhibit.

I’ve managed to grow and change from that version of me. But still, it feels like a stain on my life. A shadow following my every steps.