Almost 8 year old girl with 0-60 frustration and school issues
Hello Im looking for some insight into my daughter's behavior. She is almost 8 and has been struggling at school since the last few months of 1st grade (she's now 2 months into 2nd grade). Im going to give as much context to our situation as possible to paint a full picture...
I have sole custody of her and her older brother who is a freshman in high school. Her older brother had a lot of depression and anxiety this past year. He gets very overwhelmed and he does yell at me when I am trying to parent him sometimes. It has improved the past year as he has been in a therapy program and started medication for his anxiety/depression. I left their dad last year due to his alcoholism. He was extremely verbally abusive to me. I dont think she heard a lot of it as it was mostly evenings but I cant be for sure. He has visitation with them but I think he might still be drinking in secrecy. I also do know that my son has told me his dad has been verbally agressive towards their grandmother in front of them..Anyways the separation was a year ago and my daughter's behavior deteriorated months after it and is way worse now over a year later...it makes me feel like I am failing her and that I am to blame.
I feel like my parenting style is average...I dont scream at my children every day but they do have real consequences like no tablet/electronics... and I do occasionally lose my cool and get upset at things and raise my voice. No physical spanking or discipline. I do not drink or use drugs and never have around them.
My daughter is overweight although we do eat healthy foods frequently. We have more sedentary habits during our very hot summers here and her grandparents take care of her while I work. Ive had to do my best to get them on board with her eating healthier there but I cant afford not to have them take care of her when I need help. She recently started jui jitsu and we are going to the park more. She also has started getting under arm odor so Im wondering if she could possibly be having hormones start to change that are contributing to her moods.
My daughter is a very silly and sweet girl but a lot of the sweetness has been over shadowed by big mood swings and her getting angry very easily. She hisses me and her brother when she is super upset. She also has thrown things across the room or cries out of frustration saying she doesnt know why she is so upset and such a bad girl. I do my best to remind her she has big feelings and its ok but its not ok to throw things or verbally yell at people every time we are upset.
Last year there were no problems until closer to end of year with her peers...her teacher described her meltdowns at school as something she hadn't seen in that age group. She would cry easily and get very very frustrated and snap/yell at other kids.
Academically...Last year she was fine...on track with everything except maybe her hand writing which is still a bit messy. She can read well and does grade level math. Although this year she gets frustrated A LOT easier with it and it takes awhile to get her to calm down when she cant figure it out. She will ask for help and then in the same breath be extremely irritated and grumpy/mean and almost push the help away. Whether thats me or her teacher.
Her teacher seems absolutely exhausted by her. We already had a meeting with the school counselor and principal to discuss a plan to help her succeed. Thats when I found out she has been flat our refusing to do class work and getting argumentative with her teacher. She also has done that in PE. Art is the only class she doesn't get many notes home in. Even her music teacher says occasionally she is being disruptive. Her teacher is at a loss on how she is even going to grade her for her report cards because she isnt doing any work.
She had an incident in the lunchroom where she kicked a kid who accidentally ran into her and caused a big spill. She also kicked someone last year out of frustration.
I plan to get her evaluated by her doctor and a psychiatrist. I just feel like I am failing her somehow