u/Rough-Desk-3451

So me and my ex of 8 years broke up about 3 months ago and have been in no contact for about 4 weeks. I started manifesting her back into my life about a week ago, by “knowing” we are still in a relationship, I have been telling her side of the bed goodnight, pretending to call and talk as if we were still together, visualizing dates, quality time together, and our wedding, especially before bed to force dreams. Repeatedly affirming everyday with:

“I am the one sp is obsessed with”

“I am always chosen and loved, the universe works in my favor”

“I’m so lucky to be in a happy, loving relationship”

“SP knows I am worth fighting for”

Also I consistently imagine what she would say to me, and what our conversations would look like when we rekindle, imagining her staring at me deeply and telling me how much she loves me.

I fight all intrusive thoughts with “no, I am chosen, it is done”

I think I’m doing this right but any tips would be appreciated!!

My high school sweetheart and I broke up 2 months ago. We have been together for 8 years, I’m 27 so we went through high school, college, and lived together for about 4 years now. 7 of these years were really great, it was such a strong and loving relationship. But 1 year ago she joined medical school and over that year we grew distant, her schedule was 99% filled with school, studying, and working 12 hour hospital shifts on the weekends. We had no time for eachother, during that time I worked my 9-5, payed all of the bills, and just gave her space to finish school, waiting for her to finish so we can get our relationship back in full swing.

But while she was in school, I fell into a habit of finishing work to get home, smoke weed and game pretty much everyday while she studied across the apartment, stupidly I thought this wouldn’t bother her. She grew resentment as she was grinding for a better future and I was coasting along, getting high, and trying to finish my 1 year at my current job so that I would be eligible for a promotion. I turned into a total loser, disregarded her many times, and got into a comfort zone like I couldn’t lose her, I was never toxic, im genuinely a good guy to my core. And at work I was an all star employee, but at home I was a total loser.

So 2 months ago (really about 5 because woman decide these things months in advance) she broke up with me and I’ve been crushed and devastated ever since, like an electric shock to the heart. Since the breakup I have gone completely sober, treated my depression and anxiety, got back in the gym and disciplined, set goals, and I’m working on setting up a longterm career so I can build the future I want.

She didn’t want to break up with me when she did, I could tell she still had love for me but she didn’t believe I was capable of delivering the future she expected, this was the same woman who just a year ago was begging me to marry her and have kids with her, I just didn’t have the money and were young, I didn’t understand the rush.

We have spoken many times after the breakup, the first couple times in the relief stage where we agreed it’s hard and we miss eachother but it had to happen. But the last 2 times we talked I have spilled my heart out to her and ended up pushing her away more, she was cold to me and is clearly not telling me how she really feels, likely to protect my feelings from more heartbreak.

I’ve done so much self improvement, How can I get this girl back in my life?? I planned on asking her out for the 4th of July in 2 months. Is this the right move? I’m scared of her moving onto someone else before I get another chance, both of us were our first time lovers, partners, and we planned on spending our lives together. I love her more than anything