u/RoundAsk7598

Recently tried to get out and socialize/meet new friends with a shared interest.

I thought it was going well, but apparently not. Tried my best to show up and be myself, but also mask just enough to stay polite and friendly.

There were 3 girls that I thought were trying to be friendly, but I'm starting to think they were just being mean. I'm feeling pretty hurt and confused about it.

* Girl #1 kept asking me to buy her food, drinks, etc. at the events. I didn't think anything of it, was just trying to be friendly so I did. Then she started asking me to buy stuff for her friends, at which point I said no.

She'd make snide comments if I ordered one drink "oh you like your alcohol", but whenever I invited her to sober activities outside of the group, she'd either ghost me or say she'd be there and ghost. If I told her I didn't want to do something at the event, she'd just pressure me until I gave up and did it. The one time we hung out 1-on-1, there was a movie playing at the bar and she kept trying to point out sexual scenes to me and talk about lesbians. I just didn't look and said I didn't see it. (I am queer, I was just confused why she was doing that and not attracted to her)

* Girl #2 would come up to me and say hi and start a conversation, so I thought she was trying to be friendly. But I started to notice a pattern in the conversation, she would say she liked something and if I said I liked it too, suddenly she'd say that she didn't like it anymore. Over time, I noticed her bringing up things I said or did to others without mentioning me specifically and laughing about it. (Ex: if I wore orange pants one week, the next week she'd joke with the girls about how orange pants were ugly and only an idiot would wear them)

* Girl #3 would do something similar. She'd always yell and act excited when I showed up (which I hated tbh). Then she'd start a conversation with me and if I tried to ask a question or express interest, she'd shut down what I said and explain why it was wrong, stupid, etc. ex: if I said, "I love Lord of the rings, did you see the new movie?" She'd go "Nooooo I wouldn't bother it looks like trash. It's not worth it because (endless list of reasons why the movie is bad and lame)". She would also do the same thing that girl #2 did, but it creeped me out because she'd repeat things I only said to girl #1 or girl #2, not her.

She also kept trying to touch me a lot, rub my arms and hands, hug me, etc. even though I told everyone I don't like to be touched. I would visibly back away when she tried this and I think it made her mad.

I tried addressing Girl #1 that I didn't like when she didn't respect my boundaries and she just said "sorry I don't remember that". But after I addressed it, she never tried to approach me or hang out again.

I started ignoring Girl #3 when she'd yell out at me and the good thing is she doesn't try to talk to me anymore. Still makes plenty of passive aggressive comments with Girl #2 though.

I am confused because at no point did I insult, argue with, flirt with, act inappropriate in any way, etc. with any of these girls. I asked them thoughtful questions, showed interest in their life and hobbies and kept the topics PG-13. Again, I thought I was doing all the right things.

What happened?

Context: been in a relationship for >6 years. Very happy. Going very well. No plans to change that.

I have struggled to make friends but never struggled with dating. Admittedly, I am awkward and anxious in most social situations. I also find people are nice to me when they think I'll sleep with them and when they find out I won't, suddenly they're not nice anymore.

For these reasons and others, I tend to keep to myself.

I know platonic social relationships are important, so I still make an effort. Recently I joined a recreational kickball team for adults. It's been mostly fun and a great way to meet new people.

What I didn't expect was to run into several old matches. Keyword is matches, I never went on dates with any of these people. Frankly, we either never spoke at all, or their messages were very dry and low effort, or they just seemed to enjoy the supply/emotional validation (one sided convos, trauma dumping, etc) so I moved on.

While no one has said anything to me outright, I noticed a familiar pattern. They all were friendly and even flirtatious with me at first. I was friendly and glad that socializing with adults finally seemed to be going right for me.

Within a few months, there was a shift. Suddenly the same people are cold, stare at their phones, some even make passive aggressive comments.

Again, never even met any of them in person. Never had an argument with any of them. Simply just did not connect.

Six years has passed and dating is a numbers game...what could possibly be the problem?