u/RowNo6442

can a diva/ig baddie/influencer/it girl enlighten me on this lifestyle and what to expect? i need the honest woman to come to the front and tell me to put on my big girl pants and grow up a little.

i’m a sensitive girlie who likes her privacy, keeps very lowkey and is very protective of her energy.

i’ve been thinking about adapting the it girl persona (even though i already think i’m an it girl, i just keep a very low profile and don’t talk to many people).

seeing my fav influencer get flown out privately has me thinking about this lifestyle, like it's actually pretty simple to do. i feel like i have a parasocial relationship with her because i’ve watched her live her normal life from end of high school, and honestly, all she really did was post herself a lot and nothing more. not saying i should do the exact same but i want to be able to be more visable yk

i know i’m destined for an insane life glow up, but i think i’m holding myself back.

i’ve realised it’s possible to have this outward persona and still be me. girls, i’m trying to get to another level, and i need to put on my big girl pants and stop caring about being judged or what people think.

is there a classy way to do this? i’m thinking about another example liek alexandre le clerc, etc. i want to put myself out there more without giving off the wrong impression or seeming desperate. Like I wanna be chic, i don’t want to send out hoe signals at all.

i’d genuinely love to hear from girls who have been in a similar position, especially those who are naturally private but have managed to build a presence for themselves. how do you find that balance without feeling like you’re putting on an act or losing yourself in the process?

Also tips to navigate social life and how to be more chill and better at managing that instead of feeling annoyed and drained by majority of people? I unfortunatly ghost a lot of people because they just end up annoying me and I feel like the dropping friends and ghosting is a little to extreme..

A break from the cringey men posts, I need to talk to all of the REAL OG divas in this group <3

Okay, so I’m 25 and when I say my frontal lobe has been developing at a racing speed, I’m not kidding. It’s like all of a sudden I can see how much I’ve been deprioritizing myself and my needs. I’ve been so desperate for so long. It took a lot of sacrifice, honestly.I’m also one of those women who cut contact with their family, and boy, I should’ve done that sooner. All of that negativity, trauma, misogyistic thinking and pick-me energy.

Anyways, I’m getting my degree, but I’m also taking it slow because I don’t want to stress myself out, and I’ve been focusing on healing. But honestly, I feel like there is no guide in this world on how to live as a diva. I'm very introverted and I don't like to change my own natrual way.

It's like very corner I turn, there’s a pick-me who wants me to feel like I should have this desperate energy. Like babes, no. I don’t want to work, yes, I like relaxing, and I do it because I deserve it for no reason. And no I don't want to be somebody mother or married for now. And also, I want all the best things for myself simply because I deserve them. I believe a lot in the law of assumption and the real sprinkle sprinkle principles. I still work right now and when people speak to me I literally zone out because I'm like this is soooo cringey....

Have yall ever felt like you are not around the right kind of people?

Anyway, the reason I’m writing this is because I live in Denmark (Northern Europe), and I feel like it’s the most pick-me country ever. People think you must work hard, 50/50 and it's delusional to dream big etc. Like, I feel like there is no relaxing energy for me other than my apartment and the mall lmao

Online, I see a lot of girls with the same mentality, but not much in real life. “Commoners” (sorry, I just love that word) are SO obsessed with things I don't care about like.... it's like we are talking to different languages, and I love being around other women who are obsessed with themselves, their routines, makeup, etc. Even the baddies here, they might be a little bit more elevated but then they talk about a bum ass man or how they want to get married and I'm like ok thank u next. Or worse when they talk about how stressed they are like (when they choose that life style?).

I just feel like I can’t be around these people. I deactivated my IG, but I strongly consider opening it again so I can connect with real baddies, but IDK. Is there a pick-me pandemic going on?

I wanna talk about how we can travel luxury, buy our dream car, our new favourite concealer, and nobody is matching the vibes.

For the women here who are enrolled in university or maybe jus work, have you found some girls you align with? I just can’t with the commoner mentality here. I can't stand the stupid questions anymore about men, dating, marriage and kids. I'm still very smart but I like to not think 90% time and not use brain energy. I also have to dress differently because people here get so offended by glam, like just say you are basic... I'm tired of the backhanded compliments.

I want to take pictures, go shopping, get treats, massages, good food, talk about how we r basically already wives of wealthy men, yoga. NOBODY IS MATCHING VIBES IRL. I want to go places with women but not with pick mes or anyone who tries to me "realistic" ugh.

Ever since I started to follow more influencers like me, I realized that a lot of them are also loners and that sucks... Are yall loners or have you found people u align with. I don't have time to put on a mask and pretend frrrr

PLEASE A BREAK FROM THE MARRIAGE AND FRIEND COMPLAIN POST AND HEAR ME OUT FOR LIEKE 2 SEC.

It has come to my attention that a large group of Muslim women, especially those in their 20s and older, get left behind in society and are trapped alone with their own thoughts and minds, and I’m myself one of them. Daydreaming, loosing themselves in movies/series and book and have lost interest and passion in their own life. Or atleast that is me.

I’m writing this as I’m cleaning yesterday’s dishes from the sink (dw, only about 4 items), but I’m waking up to a reality that so many women, specifically more introverted women, women who possibly had trauma in the past, bad family connections, no friends etc., are in the same boat.

We haven’t transitioned over to real life and womanhood. Now, when I say womanhood, I don’t mean only marriage and intimacy, but I mean how to survive in this world and become a real individual. Independent.

I can only speak for myself, but I’ve seen and read this pattern and been in groups online with similar women, and I’ve finally had enough at 25. The thing is, I’m usually a problem-solving girl but I have such a hard time figuring out how we can help each other, or maybe I’m just asking for a way out for myself.

I don’t think we should be missing out on life, but it seems like the reason why it’s so overwhelming is because we don’t have the soft, small steps to guide us. And also it feels like no advice is actually applicable for us because of islam. That is not to blame our religion but we literally can’t do 90% of what other people do. We can’t just date, some of us can’t just move out etc (although I live now out alhamdulliah). Adult topics such as marriage can seem so freaking scary because we don’t even know what dating is etc. And also times have changed, things is more online now, and know you have new rules…. things are geting weird. Parents (at least mine don't even bother finding someone for me because I live in the west, so that's for me to figure out)...

I have no real healthy role models. My mom and I are in a terrible relationship because of her tendency towards narcissism, and my sister is my biggest bully and lives for this dunya (meaning see shes islam as stupid).

I have contact with the public system, and it’s still overwhelming, and I’m still terrified but I’m doing it. I also regularly now go to counsolers meeting for university because I haven’t attended class or exams and I need help. So ladies I NEED OTHER MUSLIM WOMEN TO HELP ME OUT OR TALK TO ME PLEASE IT’S GETTING SO LONELY ALONE. In real life friendships I’ve realized noooo body actually talks about the serious commitments in life and we are talking about makeup, cafés and hypothetically topcis such as men and other topics that are not real life sh*t. I’m tired and I need grown up conversations with someone. I want to talk about, apartments, getting degrees, finding communities and hobbies in cities, building and starting something for yourself. Naturally this would be with my parents but our relationships is terrible and not something I can rely on. 

One of my male coworkers has greatly inspired me to really reflect on my own life (no, I’m not interested in him in any way, I just needed to add that). We started working together when I was 22 and he was 19, and over the years I’ve seen him make great improvements in his life, but in very small, consistent ways. We have similar traumatic childhood backgrounds, and yet he made something out of it. He dared to hop out of the loop. Of course, I only see the outside, but, intuitively, he seems like a man who is good. He has had a girlfriend for multiple years, he just moved in with her, he is consistent with work, and over the years I can’t help but realize the difference between me and him. He initiates things in his life. He has confidence in himself despite his background. He also had no idea of what he was doing but he wasnt scared to start. He has build very good life for himself despite of his situation.

And it got me thinking: this is what I need to do for myself. I need to stop running away from life.

I don’t want to hurt anyone reading this, but I’m sure if, by now, you can relate to anything I’ve said, that sometimes we do make excuses for ourselves. We delve too much into our past/trauma, and we give these things more significance and let them shape our destiny.

I want to connect with sisters who desperately also seek to mature, want to fall back in love with their life, and build the things with the help of Allah that they want instead of passively letting time go by.

Because this is something I’ve suffered from. I also want to connect with sisters who have “failed” terribly, because so have I. I’ve dropped out of medicine, changed paths, and find myself struggling with myself and routines and trusting my plan. I’ve lost so much time daydreaming. I do believe I have great insight because of my friendship with my coworker and how he turned his life around, and it’s not at all what is all over the internet.

It all starts with loving yourself and having confidence and finding one thing you would like to start and commit to.

Anyways, I would love to connect with sisters who want to do this and, of course, include Islamic principles and a worldview too, as we are not non-believers???

any tips, advice, we could start a small online group just I don't want to talk about nonesense just real life commitments and steps forward. No hypothetical discussion about the society, I want to hear about YOUR REAL LIFE yk

I'm just seriously tired of connecting only with non believers because there is this social rule within the islamic community. At this point I might actually just share my real story and like talk honestly to the next muslimahs I met in real life. I have nobody, I'm alone in this big city with bills to pay, I feel overwhelmed and stress yet I want to build something for myself, no man has asked anything for marriage yet, I dont have that many friends because of trauma/disorders. Like i think I'm at a point where I seriously dont care what you think of me lmao

let me knooowwwww

Guys, I feel like my brain is still holding on to this idea. Logically, I have come to understand that marriage most likely will not be for me for a number of reasons, including my mental health, physical health, sexual orientation, etc. Trust me, there is a lot, and it is not for no reason that I am officially taking myself out of the equation. Realistically speaking, I have accepted that marriage may just not be something that is possible for me.

And as I am writing this, I genuinely feel completely fine with that concept. But it is almost like my body and brain have not fully accepted it yet. Like some part of me is still fighting it even though my mind understands.

The worst part is that when I actually listen to myself and what I need, it is never really that deep. It is just attention and quality time. I have never really been interested in being physical, and I feel like friends could provide a lot of that, but it is a longer story when it comes to friendships and everything that comes with them.

I think I need to learn how to let go of that expectation and make peace with whatever Allah has written for me. Please make dua for me. I can't help but feel like I've been severly programmed to find "the one". How do I end this thought loop.

I feel like I've been trying to let the idea go since last year but it keeps reappearing again and again....