Grief over lost choices/childhood
I am a 30/F have been setting boundaries by creating distance from my parents. Both of them have been enmeshed with me, my mother being worse and a covert narcissist. Every decision my entire life has been to make them happy because they were and are miserable people.
Every single choice I have ever made has been heavily influenced and controlled by my mother. Since beginning this healing journey, I have experienced a lot of grief and sadness over what could have been. Big things like college degrees, down to small things like never being allowed to paint my room or pick out an outfit. I just saw a tiktok of a girl’s room, and it was so cool. The walls were painted, posters, fairy lights, and pictures up on the wall. It triggered a wave of grief, but also hope and optimism for the future and what I can give my kids now. I now as an adult am trying to heal my inner child. I am trying to give myself the room and grace to be my own person and figure out what I like and what I don’t like. Is anybody else experiencing this?