Am I the third party in my friends relationship
I’m in a situation involving one of my friends and her boyfriend, and I’m not sure how to handle it without making things worse.
Her boyfriend was also my friend, and I only ever saw him as a friend. However, whenever he and my friend had arguments, he would come to me, invite me to hang out privately, and sometimes tell me to keep it a secret from her.
• we used to drink together before they started dating but after they started dating and have arguments, he invited me to drink at the hotel and told me not to tell her we’re gonna go for a drink or jam together.
• he told me “ what if I tell you, you were my type before me and your friend started dating”
• he asks personal questions when he sees me with someone else.
I never asked to be involved in their relationship problems, but I ended up being put in the middle of them.
My issue is that I don’t want to betray my friend or participate in keeping secrets from her, but I also don’t feel like it’s my responsibility to manage their relationship or expose every problem they have. At the same time, I feel uncomfortable continuing to interact with him normally when he’s deliberately hiding things from her and involving me in their personal issues.
I’ve tried to think about whether I should tell my friend, distance myself from him, or simply stay out of it completely. But each option feels complicated: telling her could make me look like I’m interfering in their relationship, while staying silent could make me feel like I’m enabling something or being a bad friend.
What would be the most appropriate way to handle this? Am I wrong for feeling disrespected and wanting to establish boundaries.