u/Ruumalzgana

18F looking for a Korean language exchange partner before I embarrass myself in Korea with broken survival phrases 😭

English isn’t my first language, but it’s the one I use the most every day, so I can definitely help with English in return. I’m from an East Asian country and planning to move to Korea soon.

I’ve tried finding language partners before, but most people just chatted for 2 days then vanished into thin air and never actually taught me anything.

I’m interested in psychology, philosophy, and basically every STEM subject, so I’m into all kinds of conversations. We could even become study partners too.

If we vibe, we can be friends as well :)

We are playing a game where you can give 100% effort and the machine treats it like it's worth 20%, yet we still break our own spirits trying to win it.

I ended up having a massive, draining debate about this with a close friend of mine who is incredibly smart, fiercely independent, and completely self-made. I was talking about how rigged things like university admissions, job markets, and general success are by wealth, legacy, and pure luck rather than actual hard work.

Even though she fully acknowledges that the deck is stacked, her reaction completely blew my mind. She basically told me that she doesn't care if privileged kids buy their way into elite spaces because they don't have actual knowledge. She plans to out-perform them on pure academics, and flat out said that if she didn't have the money for expensive clubs or international volunteer trips, she shouldn't whine about it, she should just be more eager and hunt down every possible loophole to thrive.

She lives by a strict "survival of the fittest" mentality. She treats the world like an arena where only the strongest survive, and told me that even if the system is completely unfair, if she fails, she will still blame herself. Even if she literally destroys herself or dies from the pressure, she will take total responsibility for not being strong enough.
When I asked her why she would willingly carry the guilt of a broken game, she just looked at me and asked "Well, what am I supposed to do about it?"

And honestly, that stopped me. Because practically speaking, she’s right. Pointing out that a machine is smoking doesn't fix it today, and it doesn't give you a free pass to survive without its currency. I want to believe in the grind, too. But it hurts to realize that the system rarely values your hard work equally to the actual effort you put into it.

We kept texting about it later, and her final conclusion was basically "Look, I get why you think empathy and questioning the system matter, and you aren't wrong for feeling that deeply. But people still need to take action if they want things to change, even in unfair situations. I focus on action and control instead of emotion, I'm just too much like my dad at this point."

It made me realize that for a lot of deeply driven people, a "survival of the fittest" mindset and self-blame are just the ultimate shields. Admitting the system is unfair feels like admitting helplessness, so they put on this heavy armor just to feel like they have some control over their outcomes.

But it proved to me that speaking up and questioning the rules actually does something. Just by having this conversation, she went from dismissing the argument entirely to at least understanding why questioning the system matters.

I’m still trying to process this "climb to the top" paradox and want to hear what you guys think

Is this hyper-independent, borderline self-destructive "grind" mentality a necessary armor to survive a harsh reality, or are we just coping by internalizing toxic shame?

When the world is built around the idea that "only the strongest survive," what are we actually supposed to do about it on an individual level besides just grinding harder?

How do you cope with the reality that society rarely values your hard work equally to the actual effort you put into it?