Hello fellow regards 🦍

While my wife’s boyfriend was at the kitchen table teaching her about “dollar cost averaging,” I was out back behind the Wendy’s on a MacBook Air with 8GB of RAM, building the dumbest financial visualization tool ever conceived by a man with negative sleep, a fuckload of Adderall, and access to TypeScript.

Behold:

MARKET GALAXY

All 500 S&P 500 stocks rendered as glowing little space balls in a 3D galaxy, connected by supplier chains, news mentions, and price correlations.

It looks like Bloomberg Terminal got left alone with ketamine and a copy of Interstellar.

It does almost nothing useful.

It is perfect.

🛸 WHAT IT DOES

• Shows 500 S&P 500 stocks as glowing 3D nodes because apparently a table was too financially responsible
• Groups all 11 sectors into galaxy clusters because I read one math blog and became unbearable
• Draws supplier/customer arrows, including 73 live ones, because NVIDIA touches everything and we are all just side quests now
• Adds news co-mention rings that light up when two tickers show up in the same article
• Adds thousands of sector edges, correlation lines, and news rings because my Postgres database needed to feel pain too
• Lets the camera fly around while everything glows, pulses, and looks important
• Contains fog
• Contains no alpha

🧻 WHAT IT IS NOT

• Financial advice
• Useful
• Something Bloomberg can’t do better, faster, uglier, and with more keyboard shortcuts
• Able to tell you whether to buy puts or calls. It barely knows what an option is. It thinks NVDA is a close personal friend.

🍟 PROVENANCE

This was built behind a Wendy’s on an 8GB MacBook Air that is currently swap-thrashing like a Victorian orphan with tuberculosis.

The “AI” is a regex with confidence issues.

The “graph database” is just regular Postgres because I read on Hacker News that Neo4j is for cucks and immediately believed it because I am financially vulnerable.

Built in TypeScript because Python hurt me once and I never recovered.

Today I spent 3 hours debugging why my $0.60/month disk filled up with 919 zero-byte orphan files. The fix was increasing the disk by 4GB.

This is the level of institutional-grade finance technology you are getting.

🧰 OFFICIAL USE CASE

Put it on the 50th monitor in your mom’s basement.

When Chad from college comes over to brag about his Vanguard target-date fund, he’ll see you rotating through a glowing 3D galaxy of animated tickers and assume you’ve cracked the market.

He will quietly leave.

You will not have made any money.

But you will have won.

Bonus: when your mom asks what you’ve been doing all day, you can gesture at the glowing screen and say “managing the portfolio.”

She does not need to know the portfolio is one share of $WEN and a banana.

🛸 LIVE AT

https://market-galaxy.spacedogco.com

Probably doesn't work on phones. Fuck you, steal a MacBook.

No, I will not add Excel export.

No, there is no API.

No, I will not take product feedback.

What do you think this is, a real company?

📉 POSITIONS

• 47 SPY 0DTE puts, currently down 94%
• 1 banana 🍌
• 1 share of $WEN
• The aforementioned stolen MacBook Air, 8GB RAM, vibes only
• Negative life expectancy

🦍 TLDR

I built a 3D stonk galaxy behind a Wendy’s.

It does nothing.

It looks like NASA.

Use it as monitor decoration so people think you’re a quant.

You’re not.

None of us are.

NFA. 🚀

EDIT: What edits?