u/SMooGIEBrand1k

Hello, good morning everyone. I wanted to say that I listened to everyone’s feedback and critique on the previous fanfic that I plastered everywhere and honestly I hope that you guys actually enjoy this new one. It takes place after the events of Order 66, and while it still has my original character, this time I tried to integrate my character with heavy hitters such as Darth Sideous, Darth Vader, Mace Windu (again), Quinlin Vos, and many others!

I am very aware that many Star Wars fans aren’t avid fanfic readers but if you would l to take a moment to read and analyze my fanfic I would appreciate it greatly!

Below are two chapter summaries that I had my friend Cecil edit and proofread for me.

Chapter 1 Summary:

Jon’E-Thyn is a 15-year-old Padawan sent down into Level 1313 by Mace Windu to grab a dangerous Darth Bane artifact before a smuggling ring can sell it off. While he's down there in the dark, Order 66 drops. He only has two clones with him, and thanks to his Windu training and his psychometry powers, he manages to lose them in the grimy slum alleys instead of getting shot.

But the mental toll hits him instantly. He feels the psychic shockwave of the Jedi Temple burning at the exact same time the Sith relic starts vibrating and feeding on all that dark energy. He knocks out cold in an alley from the sensory overload.

Quinlan Vos finds him, wakes him up, and drags him to a sketchy underworld inn. Vos tells him Windu is dead, checks out the artifact, and uses some tech to mask its energy signature so the Inquisitors won't track it. He hands the kid a map of Outer Rim safehouses and tells him to run.

Before they can even move, the innkeeper sells them out for Imperial credits. A massive firefight breaks out with bounty hunters and stormtroopers. Vos realizes they're trapped, ignites his lightsaber, and charges the Imperial line to buy the kid time. Jon'E-Thyn is forced to leave his mentor behind, slipping into the vents alone and terrified.

Chapter 2 Summary:

We pick up with Jon’E-Thyn surviving his first year completely alone on Level 1313. He drops the Jedi act, swaps his robes for a mechanic's jumpsuit, and lives off scraps and stolen rations. The Bane relic is constantly whispering to him, but he uses his psychometry on ordinary junk metal just to flood his brain with boring, normal memories and drown out the dark side.

Then we hit a six-year time skip to 14 BBY. He's 21 now, totally hardened, and suppressing his Force abilities through sheer discipline. He hears a black market rumor that some junk boss dug up an amethyst lightsaber hilt. He blows his entire life savings to buy it. The second his bare fingers touch the hilt, his psychometry triggers a massive, violent vision of Palpatine blasting Mace Windu out the window.

While he's reeling from seeing his master's death, some thugs try to jump him for the saber. He beats them down with pure hand-to-hand combat without even igniting the blade. Right after the fight, a Hidden Path extraction team shows up—turns out Quinlan Vos never forgot about him and sent people to pull him off Coruscant.

At the safehouse, Jon’E-Thyn pieces his original blue lightsaber matrix together with Windu's amethyst parts, creating a unique cross-guard hilt. But the vision back at the market caused a huge ripple in the Force. Palpatine and Vader feel it, sense the Bane artifact, and lock down the sector. Stormtroopers raid the safehouse, forcing Jon’E-Thyn to finally blow his cover, ignite his new blue-and-purple blades, and chop through the squad to reach the escape ship, the Tin Foil.

As they blast off, Vader steps into the hangar. He can feel the ancient Sith artifact on the fleeing ship, and Palpatine connects the dots from the palace. They jump to hyperspace heading for Jabiim, but the Hidden Path crew is totally terrified because they realize the kid is carrying a radioactive Sith target on his back.

Does this appeal to you? If this was an actual fan fictional series, would you be interested in reading it? What are the pros and cons of the story? But ultimately, do you see my oc Jon’e-thyn being in the Star Wars universe?

Let me know y’all thoughts down below, with grace, peace! ✌️

Hello good afternoon, I wanted to take time out and share my fanfic story with you all, I hope that you enjoy reading and I’m looking forward to all of your feedback!

Hey there, good morning everyone. I wanted to say that the feedback was well received and while there was mixed feelings about my story the negative definitely outweighed the positive and forced me to change and come up with a newer source material. I hope you all enjoy reading it.

I’ve been messing around with this character concept and I’m curious what you think about the lore. His name is Jon’e-thyn Ebattun, and he was basically one of Luke's students back at the Ossus Academy when he was 15. He has this rare gift for Force Psychometry, which sounds cool but it actually completely overwhelmed him with raw emotions whenever he touched anything. To numb the constant "echoes," he started smoking Marcan Herb. Luke eventually caught him—he actually made a joke about how bad Jon’e-thyn was at hiding it—but he still expelled him because Jon’e-thyn was running away from his problems instead of using the Force to face them.
While he was leaving, another student (a Togruta named O’Shae Celeste) was out in the wilderness meditating. She came back a few days later to find the whole academy in ruins. Since everyone was dead or missing, she assumed the worst about Luke and Ben Solo and decided the Jedi way always leads to betrayal. She ditched the Order, found Jon’e-thyn to give him the news, and they both vanished into the underworld.
Now it's six years later (34 ABY) and Jon’e-thyn is 21, living in Level 1313 on Coruscant. He’s a low-level smuggler still using Marcan Herb to keep his psychometry suppressed. He gets hired to find an old Inquisitor lightsaber, but mid-flight, Luke’s Force Ghost literally appears in front of him and he crashes his speeder. When he finds the saber, his psychometry kicks in through the drugs—the crystal is this weird corrupted purple because an Inquisitor felt too much guilt to fully "bleed" it red decades ago.
That night, Luke's ghost shows up at his place begging him to help O'Shae before she falls to the dark side. Jon'e-thyn is still bitter and terrified of the responsibility, so he just hits his pipe again to cloud the Force connection and make Luke vanish. The next day, everything hits the fan. The headquarters gets raided by a dark side user who steals the saber and kills Jon'e-thyn's boss. It turns out O'Shae was the one behind it; she's gone full dark side and manipulated the whole thing to get that specific weapon.
After barely surviving a three-way firefight with the First Order and some gangs, Jon'e-thyn gets a hologram from her inviting him to meet up. It’s the first time they’ve seen each other since the temple burned—one of them numbed by chemicals and the other consumed by the dark. What do you guys think? Is the purple crystal lore too much?

Hey everyone! After some great feedback on my last post, I’ve completely reworked my Star Wars lore concept. I wanted to tell a grounded, gritty story about two survivors of Luke’s Academy who took polar opposite paths after the temple fell.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the "Defective Inquisitor" blade and the dynamic between these two characters!

The Path of Separation (14 Years Ago)
Jon’e-thyn’s Expulsion: At 14, Jedi student Jon’e-thyn struggled with Luke Skywalker’s Academy due to his rare, passive gift of Force Psychometry—the ability to experience the history and raw emotions of objects through touch. Overwhelmed by these sensory "echoes," he began smoking Marcan Herb, a mild euphoric drug, to cloud his mind and deaden his Force connection. Despite his creative attempts to hide it, Luke Skywalker caught him. Because Jon’e-thyn chose a substance to mask his anxieties rather than facing them through the Force, Luke was forced to expel him. After Luke Skywalker caught him, he confronted him lightheartedly about his poor hiding skills, but the situation was still very serious and Luke expelled him for relying on a substance rather than facing his burdens through the Force.

O’Shae’s Retreat: While Jon’e-thyn left, Luke sent another student, O’Shae Celeste, into the deep wilderness to connect with the planet's natural energy.
The Aftermath & The Lie: O’Shae returned to find the Academy in ruins. The survivors (Voe, Tai, and Hennix) told her a traumatizing story: Luke and Ben Solo fought, and Ben slaughtered everyone.
The Walkaway: Shattered and believing the Jedi path inherently ends in betrayal, O’Shae abandoned the trio and the Order. She tracked down the disgraced Jon’e-thyn to deliver the news before they both drifted into separate lives in the criminal underworld.

The Present (14 Years Later)
A Clouded Life: Now 28, Jon’e-thyn is a nomad on the rainy planet of Vandor-Prime, working for the Guavian Death Gang and Kanjiklub. He stays heavily medicated on Marcan Herb to suppress his trauma and his Force abilities.
The Living Crystal: In canon, Kyber crystals possess a semi-sentient will and "choose" their wielders. A corrupted, modified Inquisitor lightsaber began calling to O'Shae in her sleep, prompting her to orchestrate a deal with boss Acacia Knoll to hire Jon'e-thyn to retrieve it.
The Catalyst Job: Underworld boss Acacia Knoll hires him to deliver a mysterious Imperial shipment.
The Crash: While riding a 125-Z Treadspeeder, Luke’s Force Ghost suddenly appears. Stunned, Jon’e-thyn crashes. In the wreckage, he finds old scrolls and a rare, modified Inquisitor lightsaber.
The Conflicted Crystal: When the blade ignites, it is a volatile purple. It belonged to an Inquisitor who tried to "bleed" the crystal but failed because of their deep guilt. The crystal resisted, absorbing the darkness but refusing to turn red, resulting in a rare, unstable hue.
The Shifted Call: Touching the weapon in the wreckage unlocked Jon'e-thyn's suppressed Psychometry. He absorbed the intense guilt of the Inquisitor who failed to fully "bleed" the crystal—a process that normally turns it red by infusing it with rage. Because of this internal conflict, the crystal resisted and remained a volatile, resisting purple hue.
The Rejection: That night, Luke’s Ghost urges him to reclaim the weapon. In a fit of anger over his past, Jon’e-thyn hits his pipe to forcefully "cloud" his master out.

The Betrayal and the Onslaught
The Force Bond: The next morning, a briefly sober Jon’e-thyn attempts to meditate and accidentally triggers a Force Projection to Acacia’s headquarters.
The Twist: He sees O’Shae arguing with a Guavian leader. Her cynicism has hardened into Dark Side ambition. It turns out she leaked the saber’s location to Acacia, using Jon’e-thyn as an unsuspecting mule.
The Allure: O’Shae is drawn to the weapon because the "conflicted" crystal mirrors her own state—neither Sith nor Jedi. She unleashes her powers, slaughtering the guards and claiming the blade.
The Relapse: Jon’e-thyn rushes to the scene. Luke’s Ghost intercepts him, pleading with him not to fight her. Overwhelmed, Jon’e-thyn hits his pipe again—the smoke severs the connection, and Luke vanishes right as he’s about to explain the truth about Ben Solo.

The Aftermath & The Violent Spark
The Crackling Blade: Arriving high at the slaughtered HQ, Jon’e-thyn finds the saber. When he grabs it, the blade ignites with a violent, menacing crackle (like Kylo Ren’s saber).
A Haunting Vision: The feedback from the crystal violently unlocks Jon’e-thyn’s latent Psychometry. In a drug-hazed trance, he sees a haunting echo of O’Shae’s brutal attack and the exact moment she betrayed him.
The Dying Words: He finds a fatally wounded Acacia Knoll. With his last breath, Acacia reveals O’Shae’s true plan: to use the weapon's terrifying power to dominate the criminal underworld. He gives Jon’e-thyn the coordinates to her next location.

The Crossfire on Vandor-Prime
Acacia’s Treachery: O'Shae later attacked and fatally wounded Acacia to take the lightsaber for herself. Before faking his death, a vengeful Acacia lied to Jon'e-thyn, sending him into a hostile Kanjiklub meeting as part of a power play to wipe out the Guavian Death Gang.
The Three-Way Ambush: Jon'e-thyn arrived empty-handed at the Kanjiklub site. As the gang became hostile, First Order stormtroopers—also tipped off by Acacia—surrounded them. In the ensuing chaos, the Kanjiklub opened fire on everyone. Jon'e-thyn used the distraction to escape back to his freighter jet, famously asking his attackers why they were shooting at him.
The Reunion Message: Safe in his cockpit, Jon’e-thyn’s communicator buzzed. O’Shae, who had only used voice transmissions for 14 years, sent a message: she finally wants to see him in person, setting the stage for their first face-to-face meeting since the temple burned.

I'd love your feedback!
Does the concept of a "Conflicted Kyber Crystal" (Purple instead of Red) fit well for an Inquisitor who regretted their actions?
Is the dynamic between a "substance-reliant dropout" and a "disillusioned survivor turned warlord" compelling?
How do you feel about the Psychometry being triggered by the drug-use/dark side feedback?
MTFBWY!

Jon’e-thyn: The Phantom Rogue (Revised Lore Summary)⏳ The Backstory (14 Years Ago)The Assignment: At 14 years old, Jedi student Jon’e-thyn is sent into the wild by Luke Skywalker to connect with the planet’s natural energy, making him a Bokken Jedi.The Destruction: He returns to find the Jedi Temple destroyed by Kylo Ren. A fellow student, O’Shae Celeste, pulls him away and explains that Luke and Ben fought.The Separation: After escaping, O’Shae tells him that Kylo killed the other students (except Tai, Voe, and Hennix, who were away). She uses a freighter pilot to escape, while Jon’e-thyn is forced onto a separate, isolated path.🌌 The Present (14 Years Later)A Broken Life: Now 28, Jon’e-thyn lives a gritty, nomadic life on the rainy world of Andor. He blends in with criminal syndicates (The Guavian Death Gang & Kanjiklub) and relies on Death Sticks to actively dull his Force connection and block out his trauma.The Catalyst Job: Underworld boss Acacia Knoll hires Jon’e-thyn to deliver a mysterious Imperial-era shipment.The Discovery: While riding a 125-Z Treadspeeder, Luke Skywalker’s Force Ghost suddenly appears, causing Jon’e-thyn to crash. In the ruined cargo, Jon’e-thyn discovers old scrolls and a rare, unregistered lightsaber with a purple blade, which briefly ignites.The Rejection: Later that night in his room, Luke’s Ghost tries to urge him to reclaim the weapon. Out of intense anger and betrayal, Jon’e-thyn uses a Death Stick to forcefully black out and silence his former master.⚡ The Betrayal and the OnslaughtThe Force Bond: The next morning, a sober Jon’e-thyn cleans his apartment and attempts meditation. He accidentally triggers a Force Projection that takes him to Acacia’s headquarters.The Twist: He witnesses O’Shae arguing with a Guavian leader. It is revealed that she told Acacia about the lightsaber, using Jon’e-thyn as an unsuspecting mule. O’Shae unleashes her dark side powers, telekinetically crushing cybernetic guards and claiming the purple lightsaber.The Embrace: Jon’e-thyn rushes to the headquarters on his bike. Luke’s Ghost intercepts him again, giving him a warm, emotional embrace. Luke warns him that O’Shae is falling to the dark side and begs Jon’e-thyn not to fight her.The Relapse: Overwhelmed, Jon’e-thyn takes a hit of a Death Stick right as Luke begins to explain what truly happened with Ben Solo. The drug cuts the connection, and Luke vanishes, leaving Jon’e-thyn in angry ignorance.🩸 The Aftermath & The Truth RevealedUnlocking Psychometry: Arriving at the headquarters high, Jon’e-thyn touches a dead cybernetic soldier. The contact unlocks Psychometry, giving him a Force vision of O’Shae leaving with the weapon.The Dying Words: Jon’e-thyn finds a fatally wounded Acacia Knoll barely clinging to life. Before taking his final breath, Acacia reveals why O’Shae wants the weapon: as a former Jedi without a lightsaber, she knows that possessing such a terrifying tool will allow her to easily dominate and control the entire criminal underworld. With his last words, Acacia tells the intoxicated Jon’e-thyn exactly where O’Shae is heading next