u/Sad-Raccoon-1362

this is not purely for funsies, I do have my suspicions as to what my core/tritype could be but a) im confused between multiple and b) Im interested in seeing what others might think.

beware the questionnaire has gotten really long :'D

this is based on r/BrouHaus type me questionnaire

>> Tell me about your internal experience of yourself. What makes you, you?

Id say I define myself largely through my achievements and (physical) abilities that have come together throughout my life. My backround and what I have made of it are something I strongly take pride in and would probably put forward as my most defining features. Saying this, I dont really feel like I have an innate "sense of self", atleast one that Im really aware of or bother uncovering.

>> You just had a really good day. Describe it. It can be a real recent example or an aspirational one.

Got to sleep in for as long as I wanted, no alarm waking me in the morning, just waking up whenever. Id like the whole house to myself, no need for talking to anyboy while I dont feel like it (not particularly fond of morning/immediate post-sleeping interactions). Eating my fav breakfast (some kind of yogurt bowl probably) and drink some caffeine, a lot of it bc Ive built tolerance over the years. doomscroll a bit or read or watch a movie while playing some sudoku (on paper if that matters). At some point get around to doing something akin to studying/researching, probably chemistry because im a chem nerd. Wouldn't mind if I had some kind of lab work in here, like a lab for uni/working in research lab (genuienly as long as it doesnt compromise my time for sleep/gym I quite enjoy long labs). Assuming its a free day though, eat some more good food, probably cooked myself, after researching stuff, and hit the gym sometime in the evening, preferably when its quite empty already. Get a nasty good workout, maybe even some cardio in afterwards, all this while im like 4 monster energys into the day btw I love those things. Go home, shower, n then go out again to hang w friends. Club is fine, someones house/garden is really cool too. Amount of people there doesnt really matter too much to me atp, Id want good music and nice food/drinks, maybe some games to play together. If it was required I'd take care of some are all of these things beforehand to ensure its to my liking, I wouldnt mind having to get anything. tbh now that I think about it this day would also entail me driving somewhere at some point, I really enjoy driving, so could be driving to the gym but also driving to buy snacks/drinks for the evening function. Wouldn't mind picking anybody up either. Get home when I start getting tired (physically or mentally or both) and fall into bed, no alarm again the next day.

>> If someone is upset with you, what is the typical reason for it? Give a recent example.

I'm not good at admitting mistakes, especially during what would be considered subjective matters, but others too. The other day I was spotting my mate at the gym and picked the bar up because he was obviously failing, it was completly still in the air, nothing moving up, some downwards movement if anything, for a good 1.5secs. Mind you this was a 90kg bench press. I picked it up and he was mad saying there was one more rep in him when there clearly wasnt. Another thing that happens often is people being upset w me about me wanting to do things on my own. Hangout on my own at home without family/friends because I dont feel like it (I try being quite straightforward about this, e.g. "Im not feeling very social today maybe some other time") or working by myself on a group project (why r people mad at me for working by myself when they clearly arent interested in contributing bruh)

>> What are you like when you're stressed? What are your coping mechanisms? Give an example of a recent stressful situation and how you handled it.

Was quite stressed over starting my internship a few weeks ago. My go to coping mechanisms r anything that involve me physically moving, Ill go for a run or a walk, gym, cook and eat something good, tbh anything that will distract me from stress. When its particularly bad I either completly overwork myself/my body (went to the gym 5 times in a single weekend once) or honestly just do nothing at all aka full procrastination mode. for me this mostly manifests in doomscrolling for hours on end or sleeping a lotttt. at some point when stressing over something I get to a point where i realise that everything will be fine and if not then thats ok too and suddenly everything is ok.

>>What pushes your buttons? What makes you angry? How does your anger manifest? Can you be openly angry with others?

Im almost always angry with other people doing/saying something I find annoying/stupid/unreasonable. For example I have pretty strong road rage, a lot of people drive like idiots imo. When I am angry I tend to get verbal quite fast. Im pretty straightforward about being pissed and will pretty much always immediatly tell the person responsible. When driving I just shout at my windshield LMAO
Ive also been told I get angry/atleast aggressive even in normal settings when talking to others and get quite defensive over the smallest things but Ive never really actively realised this and dont know how true it is

>>What’s your deepest fear? Why is that your fear?

I hate the idea of living a life I dont enjoy, working a job I hate, having no time for my hobbies and interests, not being able to plan my time in the slightest and just being completly told what to do and when. I grew up poor, another thing I fear is not having financial freedom/not being able to do what I want due to financial restraints. Main thing here is travelling I love travelling and not being able to leave somewhere regularly would end me Im not even kidding. also, i dont know if this counts as "fear" but i absolutely hate feeling incompetent and i start spiralling when faced with a situation where i truly doubt myself. might fit better under the stress question lol

>>What types of memories cause you the most shame? What feelings cause you the most shame? What is it about them that causes you shame?

I dont enjoy memories of where I fucked something up that I wanted to do. If I failed at something where only I will ever know I failed it sucks, I think if it's a memory where multiple people saw me fail its worse, though not by a lot, it feels easier to cope w shame here because I can usually pretend to laugh it off w others while if Im by myself its not as simple (both eat me up tho). Im usually quite confident and achieve the things ive set my mind to, so failing at something I should be able to do fills me w shame

>>What is your relationship with pleasure? What gives you pleasure? Can you have pleasure when you want it, or do you have to earn it?

Who doesnt want pleasure. I find a lot of things to give me pleasure and tbf I strive to find it in more in the little things in life lately, its quite nice. Nice bug on a flower? Cute. Light shining through the window in a pretty way? Nice. Im a strong beliver that earned pleasure just hits diff tho. A good grade, a high pay check or a really good pump after studying/working/training my ass off will never be able to compare to a nice meal at a restaurant or a beautiful flower bouqet that someone bought for me from a perspective of pure pleasure. having pleasure whenever you want is imo a kind of mindset where youre able to enjoy a lot of things, but the quality of the pleasure increases when i work for it and thats usually the type of pleasure I chase the most

>>What’s your relationship with authority? Think both abstractly and with specific authorities in your life, possibly your parents, boss, religious leader, doctor, or government figures? Are you an authority?

Im highkey a hypocrite here. I actively challenge(d) all authorities in life but strive to be one myself. Hate being criticized by my boss at work, will immediatly call her out when she misses a spot while cleaning though. Growing up I was never satisfied w my parents, I listened to what they would tell me (about 60-70% of the time, never really got actively forbidden from anything I truly cared about), the other times I would simply hide what I did when I really wanted to do it. Now, when younger cousins/nieces/nephews don't listen to what I tell them to do, I'm quick to get angry. while I wouldnt claim to have any significant authority in my life, I think everybody has and should maximize their authority over their own life

>>When your mind wanders, what are you thinking about?

I like daydreaming about being crazy successfull to the point where I can do whatever the fuck I want w nobody giving a shit about me, atleast not a shit that I might have to care about. Money and success grant immunity

>>You have a big decision to make. Describe how you decide what to do.

I weigh out the pros and cons of each decision and go on from there. Pros and cons are based on how they benefit me, maybe others, their size/scale, time of effect, etc. basically most criteria found in benthams hedonistic calculus. The criteria r usually adjusted to what i in the time of that decision feel like i need most. For example, when deciding where I wanted to go for uni, I chose the uni far away from home even though itd put me at a monetary disadvantage because the uni was considered significantly better and I couldnt bare living with my parents at that point in time anymore. I quite rarely go about decisions in such a precise manner though, mostly i go by what feels right in the moment, even for bigger decisions.

>> What’s your biggest flaw?

I generally dont enjoy communicating with other people. Like truly, I am fine with being by myself all the time and dont like having to regard others in my day to day life. Any word that comes to mind feels like me trying to come off as edgy, but Im truly quite asocial. Its not like I cant talk to people or something, Id just rather not if i can avoid it. I think this stems from a point where i believe others are dumber than I am, I often still think this way but Im seeing how its very toxic. I also struggled with empathy a lot, although its gotten significantly better now that im older. Its not that id say im empathetic now, but I guess i recognize the need for being able to see situations from other peoples view, which i find stupid often but i guess thats how the world works.

>>What makes you special? (Or, if you don't feel special, what at least makes you different from other people?)

I have an incredible ability to bounce back/ get up on my feet after anything. Im incredibly hard working imo, I have yet to meet someone who is similar to me in that way, yes I have met passionate people but never anything Id say is comparable to how Ive been going on and through life. I also deem myself to be quite smart.

>>How much of your mental energy is spent on thinking about each of the past, the present, and the future?

Basically: Whats done is done, no point thinking about it. Would rather enjoy the present. Thinking about the future is usually nice, unless I have something causing me anxiety, but even then, nothing is set into stone so theres not too much of a point thinking too much about it and I try to leave it.

>>You unexpectedly find yourself with a whole weekend with no obligations, and everyone else is busy. How do you feel about it? What do you do?

Amazing. Although I do like a rough outline for what is to come, I dont mind at all being spontaneous. If I manage to whip something together, I enjoy a weekend getaway. Otherwise I'd use the opportunity to do some things I usually dont have time for/may have been putting off because I dont enjoy doing them. An example of this would be washing my car lol, I do it way too little and constantly have bird shit on it somewhere, I hate it but not enough to be botheres to go wash my car, especially because for some reason its unreasonably expensive,,,,,, Also on free weekends I looooove long gym sessions. No deadline, nobody bothering me, nothing, which means a minimum of 3-4h at the gym doing everything I want to do in my pacing.

>>What’s your personal vibe/style/aesthetic? How cultivated vs natural is it, and how much time do you spend on it? Do you turn it on and off?

Whats important to me is that my clothes are comfortable. I wont wear anything ill fitting/uncomfortable and generally prefer loose fitting clothing. Style/Aesthetics wise I wouldnt say im anything special, I enjoy outfits that will fall into the typical "tiktok fashion interest" kinda spectrum. If i had to put labels on it (beware, buzzwords): (casual) streetwear, alternative, vintage y, or what some might consider "male manipulator outfits" (whatever that means, found it on pinterest) Its just a mix of things i believe look good, fit well and that i personally enjoy. Id say my closet is cultivated but my outfits feel natural, time spent on clothes/my overall look is probably 20-30 mins every morning? I feel confident when wearing a fit I like, which is why I do care how I look, but I wouldnt call myself strongly obsessed w looks. Also if this helps any, my style is more common for young people in big cities, while in small towns i tend to stand out at least a bit.

>> Which of the following is the most like you? Explain. A) I know what I want, I go out and make it happen, and people won't stop me. B) I am content to be on my own and not draw too much attention to myself. C) I have to be responsible and dedicated, and I put others’ needs first.

Something between A and B. I dont need attention on myself (though I do strongly enjoy positive attention) and am more than content with being on my own, but my motivations and what i strive for are just as important to me. I like protecting my peace and working on my goals.

>>Which of the following is most like you? Explain. A) I dislike stress and negative vibes, and I may try to distract myself from my problems. B) I have strong feelings, get worked up easily, and am not afraid to show it. C) I don’t like to let my feelings show; they get in the way of being efficient and logical.

I honestly agree with all of these to a point. I do have very strong feelings and get worked up really easily, but I try to distract myself/do something else because I think time spent worked up is unproductive and not fullfilling in shape or form and therefore a waste of time.

>> Which of the following is most like you? Explain. A) I look to others for feedback and guidance and am willing to be flexible when needed. B) I am always aware of how things could be better, and I’m disappointed that they are not. C) Deep down, I am afraid people won’t give me what I need unless I make it worth their while.

B mostly, to explain its easier why I dont feel like I fit the other too. I dont really seek out guidance in others, I enjoy doing things by myself, even when I dont know something I know I can figure it out myself. So unless its necessary to ask (because it strongly shortens the time I need to spend on a task) I dont do it, especially not as a common thing in my life. While I am afraid people wont give me what I need from them, I am pretty self-assured in the way that I know I will get what I need/want eventually, even if they tell me no because they dont see it fit. Of course Id prefer to getting the thing right away, but I wouldnt say im "afraid" of people not giving me what I need. B fits me best. Things could be better in all aspects of life, both my own but also the rest of the world. Of course it would be better if things were infact better, but im quite pessimisitc and believe most systems developed into a state from which change is impossible, so while i feel disappointed things arent different and better its just the way it is and the only thing i can do is make my own way through.

Excited to see what people will take from this. Perhaps this is an imporant sidenote Im diagnosed autistic but idk if and how much this matters. feel free to ask questions and lmk what you think