u/Sad-Strawberry-1749

i’ve been growing my hair for a few years now and recently attempting to style it wavy/curly as well. my hair is very thick and mixed texture? i have definite coarse hairs mixed with medium. and low porosity! takes forever to get wet and never dries lol

currently my wash day routine is:

moisturizing leave in (currently using biolage hyrda source) on dry hair for 15-20 min before

shampoo with nizoral in problem areas

shampoo again (kenra moisture)

condition (kenra moisture) and detangle with wide tooth comb while wet with conditioner in + squish to condish

i usually let the conditioner sit in my hair until i’m done with soap as well - or as long as possible

then rinse and wash out about 90% of conditioner

after shower on soaking wet hair i add some leave in conditioner and argan oil, detangle again with unbrush

then if im styling i add function of beauty wave foam mixed with V&co curly pop styling mousse and scrunch then add gel and plop for 20 min and diffuse (which takes a million years with my low porosity hair) or air dry

i wash my hair 2/3 times a week typically and sleep in a bonnet, i used to sleep in double braids every night before i got the bonnet.

i’m dealing with some bad tangling and matting on the daily mainly underneath, i usually combat this by rewetting and spraying with conditioner and detangling, is there anything else i can do?? im already trying to regrow breakage under there that was caused by the tangles.

i’m also looking for any styling tips!! i’ve had one style day so far that i’ve actually liked, but i wasn’t super happy with it after day 1. (pictures included)
i work a very active job teaching dance classes so i also need some hair style ideas that will be comfortable and last for 6+ hours, usually i do braids of some kind or a half up style but now when i do half up the tangling gets so bad.

picture 1 + 2: good style day using both curl mousse and wave foam

picture 3: next day^

picture 4: different style day using only the wave foam

picture 5 + 6 + 7: day 3 after wavy style day^

picture 8: breakage

picture 9 + 10: air dried hair with no styling

TIA!!

hello i am 21F still living at home with my mother at the moment. in the past month i finally got a new therapist (was making no personal progress with previous therapist for years - but felt i couldnt “fire” her because i thought id hurt her feelings) since starting with her i’ve had some super rapid progress with realizing certain generational traumas especially.

for background:

i grew up moving a lot and my parents divorced when i was quite young - around 5 years old.

i went no contact with my narcissist problem drinker father at 16.

throughout my struggles with my dad my mom was my main support since i didn’t have a lot of friends and my sister was still trying to keep a relationship with him at the time.

my moms mom is a narcissist and my mom was obviously her least favorite child in childhood. my mom is still in contact with her though and continues to care for her during current health issues. my mom also allowed her to care for us as kids.

im AUDHD with depression/anxiety and

possible OCD/BPD

anyways, in the past few years as i became more independent and started to make my own decisions i have been met with so much resistance from my mom. she questions me where im going and when ill be back every time i leave the house. she criticizes and condescends to me constantly and my partner has even pointed out that she will “scan” me for something to criticize when she sees me - which she does not do with others in the household. i’ve struggled most of my life with extreme anxiety, poor boundary setting, poor sleep, people pleasing, etc.

i grew up idolizing my mom and trying to be exactly like her and was always praised for it, now she praises my siblings to my face but will only criticize my choices. i even viewed my childhood with her as “perfect” partially because of the contrast to my dad.

if she’s upset i feel an extreme need to “fix” the situation and feel super guilty for any anger or frustration with her. now im questioning everything and think i’ve been enmeshed most of my life, which even thinking about leads to more guilt and shame. im in the process of trying to find housing so i can at least move out. on one hand i feel like she is a good person at her core and usually has good intent, but on the other i feel she has been a bad mom. my black and white brain cannot handle this grey area where i feel like i CANT go no contact with her but also i cant keep living like this. moving out will help since their are some boundaries i cannot set while living under her roof but she has also instilled into me a lot of fear with moving out as she has discouraged me for doing it in the past and has even told me that i will not be able to support myself. one more thing to note is that she is well known in the small town we live in and is currently pursuing a nursing career in a rehab center. all that to say everyone around her loves her and considers to her to be an amazing and helpful person. which makes me feel crazy because as mom she is not that person.

sorry long post, i could go on and on about this but i guess im just looking to see what you all think. is this enmeshment?

let me know if i left out any important context too lol i think i started rambling a bit at a certain point.

managing long, very thick 2b/2c hair