As said in title, I wish we could use the merchant outposts at our base to export goods as well as import them, that way we could have a passive way to earn money besides grinding Blackbeards or animal heads.
So I'm feeling utterly destroyed thanks to my adoptive mom making Mother's Day hell every year, and this is year one no contact. I'm going on hour 30 of no sleep, stressed out... However, I had a strong moment of clarity that changed everything. My birth mother was an addict, and now the child she gave up is choosing to read a master's thesis on adoption instead of doing drugs when I feel stressed. A child with no college degree, no money, and arguably no future is choosing to READ BOOKS instead of throwing myself into destructive behaviors. While the no sleep thing isn't great, it is arguably the least of what I could be doing instead. I'm not arguing with AP, I'm not smoking or drinking myself into a stupor or having manic meltdowns... This is a big win for me. I'm healing. My therapist is going to be so happy.
Trigger warning expanded: conversion therapy, religious trauma, animal neglect, child abuse, suicidality, sexual abuse.
Reader caution is advised.
This is my first year no contact with my adoptive mom (AM). I'm dreading this Sunday because Mother's Day is her big event of the year where she gets all of her daughters together for photo ops and expects it all, the breakfast, the flowers, trips to get her nails done, etc.
But I went no contact when I finally came out of the fog and realized there was never any reciprocation in our parent-child relationship. It was always take and no give, all neglect and no care. She treated me like she treated all of our pets: thrown outside and left to fend for themselves until they eventually died, only to then be used as a story AM would cry about for sympathy on Facebook. I had to work for every single thing I had, and I had to give everything, it was expected.
Background: I am white passing, jewish descent, AFAB domestic infant. My birth mother (BM) was unfortunately unfit due to her mental illness and addiction, and AM took BM and my older half-sister in until delivery. I was brought home from the hospital by AM, and raised as if AM birthed me. Closed adoption facilitated by a religious organization, which was owned and operated by AM's family, southern baptist. Everybody around me, including AM's 3 significantly older daughters and my half sister, kept the lie going. Extended family was not told of my adoption, and assumed I was born from AM, no knowledge of BM. AM and my adoptive dad (AD, catholic) split up about 5 years after my adoption was finalized ~2008. AM cheated on AD with current stepdad. AM got custody because we live in a mother-state. Half-sister went back to foster care. AD got the house, and AM moved all of us kids in with new stepdad, in a filthy rat, flea, bedbug infested trailer. He was a hoarder, and one of the bedrooms was too full of junk to be used, so all of us girls had to share a single room. This is where the majority of my abuse took place. We had a wooden paddle, which was actually a plank of wood with holes drilled in it, which we were made to sign our names in sharpie every time it was used on us. AM and stepdad are alcoholics and smoke cigarettes in the house, car, etc. I smelled really bad, never had deo or toothpaste. Older sister got pregnant and almost did not graduate, and I had to help raise her baby while still in middle school. We became homeless soon after because stepdad stopped paying his share of rent. We were couch surfing between relatives and sleeping in AM's car. We move in with a sister, and AM has the great idea to get me a cat for Christmas. I couldn't see AD due to his back child support on me. I started working at 15 to help AM put a deposit on an apartment. Sister with baby moved back in with us, and AM split up with stepdad. We start going to church. Things were okay briefly. AM starts seeing stepdad again, going out to bars, and she picks up a DWI charge. Stepdad moves in, and I get in contact with AD and start making plans to move out. AM notices I'm putting back money and starts asking for more from me, anytime I say no, I'm guilted over how expensive it is to feed me, house me, etc.
At this time, I started exploring my gender and sexuality, and I take up a new nickname. AD takes me to get new clothes and a hair cut, I chose something more masculine because I was deeply uncomfortable with how the church made me feel about being a girl with a job. AM's sister puts me through gay conversion therapy. I tried to kill myself as soon as I got home. AM did not comfort me, but called AD, telling me if I was going to live in her house, it would be by her rules and that I was to change my ways or leave. I pack my suitcase, and she goes downstairs to talk with AD. They call me to come down and I think I'm moving out, and they tell me of my adoption. I don't believe it, and AM gives me my original birth certificate and documentation.
I stayed living with AM because I just couldn't process the shock of it all. AD disappears out of the picture to chase a new girlfriend. I tell my school friends and they label me a liar and ostracize me from the group because they knew me since elementary school. Alone, I start making a new friend who is also transmasc, who takes a sexual interest in me and coerces me into a "polyamorous relationship" with their much older boyfriend. Bad things happen in his apartment for a few weeks after school. I won't give details, but AM believes I am just being promiscuous and overlooks the obvious signs of my abuse and allows it to continue with no concern for my whereabouts. She bullies me for being a slut, and I shut down entirely. I go back into the closet and detransition, she is pleased.
Fast forward, covid pandemic takes my graduation celebration away, I lose contact with all of my classmates, no opportunity to share phone numbers or socials. I move in with my boyfriend, a good person who I love very much. I couldn't take the cat with me because she bonded to AM and mauled me on her first night with my boyfriend and I. Life goes on, move around, job changes. Two years later BF and I get married, and I didn't have a wedding because I didn't want stepdad and AD to fight... and then I start having seizures. Come to find out, I have a neurological condition. Throughout the fog, I played nice with AM. I showed up and hazed through family functions. I got harassed by sister with the baby during Christmas and had a seizure in the bathroom two years ago, so I didn't go to Christmas during 2025. This caused an uproar, but I just couldn't do it again. AM throws the pet cat she adopted outside and the cat is killed by a dog. I found out about this two weeks ago through one of AM's flying monkeys, and I'm still pissed.
I'm still raw, I'm still processing, and I'm just really dreading mother's day because I know she's going to flip. She sends family members to harass me and has turned every family member I had any closeness to against me with her lies and guilt tripping. I've blocked almost everyboy due to the harassment and I am very isolated. I'm the bad guy, I'm ungrateful, I'm just so hateful... Half sister only remembers the good AM did for her before going back to foster care, BM is not in the picture, still on drugs 😞 AD cares but he's a lot of trouble of his own kind. I just feel so lost..
Playing 5.5e online using a tabletop simulator and discord. Had a fun session, everything going well, and then at the very end, the DM says he only caught 2 hours of the recording because his software bugged out. I wasn't aware he would be recording, there was no mention of it up until that point. Then he says he was going to put it in a program to have it write session notes for him. Am I right to feel conflicted about having been recorded and my voice being put through an ai program? I don't want to seem like I'm just being divisive and picky. This is the first time I've gotten to play the game in two years, and so far the game has been great. How can I best convey how I feel without causing potential upset, while also suggesting the DM write his own notes without sounding like I'm judging him for perceived laziness?
I'm really paranoid around ai and the possibility of my recordings being used for someone's podcast or youtube channel without permission, and I don't want it to ruin the game experience.
The listing for the stolen book.
The book recommended was Overcoming Functional Neurological Symptoms: A Five Areas Approach, by Christopher Williams et al.
The book received when ordered on Amazon was this very convincing fake, if you neglect to look at the author's name and forget that this is meant to be written in. Inside, there were a million and a half weird grammatical errors, run-ons, non-words, etc. This book is priced $10 beneath the lowest asking price for the original, and uses the exact same name and cover as the original. I accidentally ordered it instead of the proper one because I am very poor and was under a lot of stress when considering purchasing, and Amazon pushed this one above the original and by the time I had realized my mistake, it was already at my door.
Why I'm writing here? Because Amazon won't allow me to review the product and it's sitting at a lofty 5 stars with no reviews. I've already taken steps to get in contact with the original publishing company for the official book, but unfortunately, this slop has no publisher. It was printed out of a print-on-demand warehouse in Coppell, TX. There is no one to appeal to, so the most we can do is report and review bomb until this gets taken down. It should be illegal to do this, especially for medical educational material.
The \"error\" Amazon gave me when trying to post a review.
The back of the fake book, complete with all erroneous language.
