u/Sad_Professional6807

I just want to hear how other people met so maybe getting in relationship will feel more achievable cuz rn I have no hope.

I would just really like to have a gay friend so I feel less alone and the thing about her is she says she's straight but idk.

She acts weirdly excited every time there's a lesbian couple on screen. I get excited too because you know representation. I don't mind her being like that because at least I have someone to share my excitement with. At the same time she sometimes says "ew" if het couple makes out on screen. Two days ago we had a sleepover and we watched a really bad movie. Both of us agreed that it was super predictable and boring and the ending made no sense. But she also said "the only good thing about this movie is that the girls kissed" (we both started screaming when the kiss happened lol)

She also tends to compliment the actresses when we watch movies and usually I agree or I start this myself if I find someone on screen pretty. But at the same time she doesn't do that for actors. If she did that for both I'd probably ignore that cuz you can find someone attractive without being attracted to them but then why only actresses? Especially that she often mentions she doesn't want to date guys even though she's straight.

I also have a bad habit of glancing at her boobs. Like idk why I even do that and I try not to but sometimes even when I look into her eyes then my eyes go down on their own for a second before looking back at her eyes and she noticed that. I was embarrassed and I kept apologizing because I thought it made her uncomfortable but she told me it's fine and that I can look because I'm a girl and that would be a different story if I was a guy but she likes when girls look. And idk wouldn't she want to be checked out by guys? Why is it different when a guy does it and a girl does and she likes one but not the other?

Me and my other friend also sometimes joked about touching her boobs and once she actually said if I actually asked she would likely let me because I'm a girl. That was kinda weird but okay.

I also found a bi sticker in her sketchbook so I asked about it but she said she's straight she just liked the colors. Same when me and my other friend joke about anything gay related to her then she would immediately go "I'm straight" every time which is kind of weird because it's just a joke, it's not serious.

I'm probably delusional but idk if she's straight or closeted. I'm not attracted to her or anything but it would be nice to not be the only gay person in the group.

I would just really like to have a gay friend so I feel less alone and the thing about her is she says she's straight but idk.

She acts weirdly excited every time there's a lesbian couple on screen. I get excited too because you know representation. I don't mind her being like that because at least I have someone to share my excitement with. At the same time she sometimes says "ew" if het couple makes out on screen. Two days ago we had a sleepover and we watched a really bad movie. Both of us agreed that it was super predictable and boring and the ending made no sense. But she also said "the only good thing about this movie is that the girls kissed" (we both started screaming when the kiss happened lol)

She also tends to compliment the actresses when we watch movies and usually I agree or I start this myself if I find someone on screen pretty. But at the same time she doesn't do that for actors. If she did that for both I'd probably ignore that cuz you can find someone attractive without being attracted to them but then why only actresses? Especially that she often mentions she doesn't want to date guys even though she's straight.

I also have a bad habit of glancing at her boobs. Like idk why I even do that and I try not to but sometimes even when I look into her eyes then my eyes go down on their own for a second before looking back at her eyes and she noticed that. I was embarrassed and I kept apologizing because I thought it made her uncomfortable but she told me it's fine and that I can look because I'm a girl and that would be a different story if I was a guy but she likes when girls look. And idk wouldn't she want to be checked out by guys? Why is it different when a guy does it and a girl does and she likes one but not the other?

Me and my other friend also sometimes joked about touching her boobs and once she actually said if I actually asked she would likely let me because I'm a girl. That was kinda weird but okay.

I also found a bi sticker in her sketchbook so I asked about it but she said she's straight she just liked the colors. Same when me and my other friend joke about anything gay related to her then she would immediately go "I'm straight" every time which is kind of weird because it's just a joke, it's not serious.

I'm probably delusional but idk if she's straight or closeted. I'm not attracted to her or anything but it would be nice to not be the only gay person in the group.

I feel this mostly once a month when I get my period. Like for some reason at those times I get super lonely and envious of people who are in relationships. I really just want to be loved for once in my life ugh. It doesn't help that I live in the middle of nowhere with no fucking opportunities to meet people and when I do somehow meet them they're always straight. Then I see my friend with her boyfriend or hear her talk about how they make out and go on dates and I get so envious. I want to know how kissing feels. I want to go on dates with that special someone. I want to be there for them when they need it and have them be there for me. I just want to experience all of the things people do in relationships and when I get like that I feel so pathetic too. So far I only got a bicurious girl who played with my feelings and a girl that treated me like her therapist and then threatened suicide when I rejected her (I didn't want an ldr and the friendship started to exhaust me). I'm afraid I'll never be able to date anybody.

I feel this mostly once a month when I get my period. Like for some reason at those times I get super lonely and envious of people who are in relationships. I really just want to be loved for once in my life ugh. It doesn't help that I live in the middle of nowhere with no fucking opportunities to meet people and when I do somehow meet them they're always straight. Then I see my friend with her boyfriend or hear her talk about how they make out and go on dates and I get so envious. I want to know how kissing feels. I want to go on dates with that special someone. I want to be there for them when they need it and have them be there for me. I just want to experience all of the things people do in relationships and when I get like that I feel so pathetic too. So far I only got a bicurious girl who played with my feelings and a girl that treated me like her therapist and then threatened suicide when I rejected her (I didn't want an ldr and the friendship started to exhaust me). I'm afraid I'll never be able to date anybody.

A month ago I said I won't get in another ldr and I feel bad for falling for someone who's even further away than my ex tbh.

So me and this girl have been talking for 3 months. I honestly feel stupid for falling for her after that short amount of time. Recently we talked a lot. She started to open up to me a bit. I help her as much as I can. She also started to compliment me a lot and used it like calling me "my love" and things like that which she didn't do before. I'm not opposed to it. She's very beautiful herself which I told her many times as well.

Now the thing is she has a lot of problems at home. I give her advice and help as much as I can. She's depressed which fortunately I convinced her to go on antidepressants. But when I say she's depressed I mean she's very depressed. She recently talked about suicide and that she'd overdose on pills which I did my best to talk her out of it even if I don't think I handled that talk very well but at least nothing happened. She has told me she's feeling better after visiting her psychiatrist which is good. I try my best to cheer her up when she's not feeling well but it is feeling exhausting. It's a serious mental illness and I feel bad for feeling exhausted of constantly cheering her up and that talk about suicide was also pretty exhausting for me mentally. I want to help. I really do but there's not much I can really do.

Aside from her depression she's also deeply insecure. We talked about relationships. I didn't ask her out or anything she just started talking about it She said ldrs never work and I told her that they can work but you just need to put in effort and that they are ways to spend time online even though it's obviously not the same. She then said that she still wouldn't be able to hug me or kiss me or kiss my cheeks or look into my eyes through the screen and she'd be left wanting me to be there. I don't remember how it came up but I did say I mentioned her to my friend. She then asked me to tell her everything I told him and that she didn't think I'd mention her to my friend since she's just a random girl on the internet for me like the others I talked to and ended up catching feelings for (I did use to talk to a lot of people and I mentioned that but I only really felt something for my ex and my past best friend). I told her she's not just another girl and that I only fell for one girl I met online. She said that she definitely is just another girl and I told her that if I mention someone to my irl friends then they matter to me and most of the girls I talked with I didn't because we just talked and never really became that close with them, they really just came and went. She said I did mention my ex (except she used a word friend which kinda rubbed me the wrong way, even if for a very very short time and online, we dated) so I explained to her that yeah I mentioned her because she was my girlfriend, she was important to me at the time. She then said that maybe it will sound weird but she saw how I talked about feeling in certain situations and about other girls in a server months ago. I still don't know what she meant by that, she refused to elaborate and told me to go read my old messages which I did and don't understand what she means, I just had normal interactions with people. I told her that ever since my ex left me I focus on already existing friendships and before she texted me I didn't really meet people anymore because I just didn't want to. She said she just feels like I have more things to tell her. I asked what things and she said she doesn't know. I asked if she thinks I have someone else? She said she doesn't know. I told her that I really just talk with her online and no one else at the moment. She then said that maybe I just talk to her because I haven't found anybody else, that she's not special, that she isn't as pretty as my ex or anybody else we talked about, and that she's very different irl, she said that maybe I just talk to her because she's all I have at the moment. She also apologized. I told her that she doesn't have to apologize and it's okay she's having insecurities, everyone has them and it's good that she's sharing them with me. I reassured her again that she matters to me and that if she didn't matter I wouldn't do all the things I do for her and with her and that if there's anyway I could somehow help with the insecurities she has then to just tell me because I want to make it better.

She then told me that what I told her is the cutest thing she's ever seen, that she appreciates all the care I have for her, that she loves our friendship and apologized for her insecurities mixed with paranoia and explained a bit more why she felt like she did. She said it's better to forget this and told me she loves me very much. So I answered the things she told me that I understand and all and told her that I love her too.

Then we moved on to talking about something else and eventually made plans to call soon to watch a movie. It's gonna be my first call with her although I know her voice because we exchanged vms before.

I do want to still talk to her even though sometimes it does exhaust me when it comes to her home life, depression or her insecurities as this is not the first time where I had to reassure her about something but I do understand that she has hard time understanding that someone cares about her and she has told me before that she feels like she doesn't deserve love.

A month ago I said I won't get in another ldr and I feel bad for falling for someone who's even further away than my ex tbh.

So me and this girl have been talking for 3 months. I honestly feel stupid for falling for her after that short amount of time. Recently we talked a lot. She started to open up to me a bit. I help her as much as I can. She also started to compliment me a lot and used it like calling me "my love" and things like that which she didn't do before. I'm not opposed to it. She's very beautiful herself which I told her many times as well.

Now the thing is she has a lot of problems at home. I give her advice and help as much as I can. She's depressed which fortunately I convinced her to go on antidepressants. But when I say she's depressed I mean she's very depressed. She recently talked about suicide and that she'd overdose on pills which I did my best to talk her out of it even if I don't think I handled that talk very well but at least nothing happened. She has told me she's feeling better after visiting her psychiatrist which is good. I try my best to cheer her up when she's not feeling well but it is feeling exhausting. It's a serious mental illness and I feel bad for feeling exhausted of constantly cheering her up and that talk about suicide was also pretty exhausting for me mentally. I want to help. I really do but there's not much I can really do.

Aside from her depression she's also deeply insecure. We talked about relationships. I didn't ask her out or anything she just started talking about it She said ldrs never work and I told her that they can work but you just need to put in effort and that they are ways to spend time online even though it's obviously not the same. She then said that she still wouldn't be able to hug me or kiss me or kiss my cheeks or look into my eyes through the screen and she'd be left wanting me to be there. I don't remember how it came up but I did say I mentioned her to my friend. She then asked me to tell her everything I told him and that she didn't think I'd mention her to my friend since she's just a random girl on the internet for me like the others I talked to and ended up catching feelings for (I did use to talk to a lot of people and I mentioned that but I only really felt something for my ex and my past best friend). I told her she's not just another girl and that I only fell for one girl I met online. She said that she definitely is just another girl and I told her that if I mention someone to my irl friends then they matter to me and most of the girls I talked with I didn't because we just talked and never really became that close with them, they really just came and went. She said I did mention my ex (except she used a word friend which kinda rubbed me the wrong way, even if for a very very short time and online, we dated) so I explained to her that yeah I mentioned her because she was my girlfriend, she was important to me at the time. She then said that maybe it will sound weird but she saw how I talked about feeling in certain situations and about other girls in a server months ago. I still don't know what she meant by that, she refused to elaborate and told me to go read my old messages which I did and don't understand what she means, I just had normal interactions with people. I told her that ever since my ex left me I focus on already existing friendships and before she texted me I didn't really meet people anymore because I just didn't want to. She said she just feels like I have more things to tell her. I asked what things and she said she doesn't know. I asked if she thinks I have someone else? She said she doesn't know. I told her that I really just talk with her online and no one else at the moment. She then said that maybe I just talk to her because I haven't found anybody else, that she's not special, that she isn't as pretty as my ex or anybody else we talked about, and that she's very different irl, she said that maybe I just talk to her because she's all I have at the moment. She also apologized. I told her that she doesn't have to apologize and it's okay she's having insecurities, everyone has them and it's good that she's sharing them with me. I reassured her again that she matters to me and that if she didn't matter I wouldn't do all the things I do for her and with her and that if there's anyway I could somehow help with the insecurities she has then to just tell me because I want to make it better.

She then told me that what I told her is the cutest thing she's ever seen, that she appreciates all the care I have for her, that she loves our friendship and apologized for her insecurities mixed with paranoia and explained a bit more why she felt like she did. She said it's better to forget this and told me she loves me very much. So I answered the things she told me that I understand and all and told her that I love her too.

Then we moved on to talking about something else and eventually made plans to call soon to watch a movie. It's gonna be my first call with her although I know her voice because we exchanged vms before.

I do want to still talk to her even though sometimes it does exhaust me when it comes to her home life, depression or her insecurities as this is not the first time where I had to reassure her about something but I do understand that she has hard time understanding that someone cares about her and she has told me before that she feels like she doesn't deserve love.