Fall is so great as there are squirrels everywhere I go! I hear crunching of leaves and there's a squirrel. I here nuts falling from a tree, sure enough a squirrel. Squirrels everywhere. The lil buddies I saw on my walk today trying to get chonky before winter.
I'm ashamed. I haven't told my T about this because of how ashamed I am. So I guess reddit is a test run... I need to say these things and know I'm not alone feeling this way with my therapist.
I'm jealous of their other clients. When they've mentionned them in the past it caused a rupture for me. I told them it was because it was awkward hearing about other people and it made me wonder if they ever talk about me to other clients. But underneath it all was jealousy: "Are they really thinking of other people when they are with me? Am I that boring? If they prefer the others then I don't want to be here anymore." Look, I know rationally it's unreasonable of me to demand that my T have their sole and undivided attention on me during an hour; our minds all wander, we aren't made to sustain focus for long periods of time. Emotionally, I can't get over the jealousy, anger and hurt.
I'm jealous of their kids. Their dad is so committed to them from what I can tell. He is often on the road with them for sports stuff. Moving his scheduled clients around so he can attend his kids events. I get it. He is human and it's truly beautiful to see a dad be so implicated. Emotionally I'm jealous. I want that. There is a childlike part of me that so desperately wants him as a parental figure. I want him to be proud of me and my accomplishments. I want him to make me a priority. I know this can't happen but it doesn't change the emotions I feel.
I'm jealous of his spouse. She gets to be there for him and see all of him. Not his therapist self. All of him. The good, the bad and the ugly. I wish I could be that for him. At first it started with pure attraction; the younger female client attracted to an older man in her life who is definitely off limits. Now, the feeling has evolved. Yes I very much would still get physical with him in a heartbeat, but it's more than that. I want to be with him more than an hour a week. I want to see who he is as a person and I'm jealous of the people who get to see that side of him. I want the 2 am fight over who forgot that soccer practice was tomorrow and not Monday. I want that meal that was burnt a bit because *someone* forgot it was in the oven. I want those arms around me when times get rough and I want to catch his tears as they fall after a rough day with a difficult client. Fuck, I'm jealous and I'm ashamed of myself for it. I don't deserve to be jealous, I don't get to be jealous of people I've never met.
I just want to know if others feel this way and I want to know if you've spoken to your T about it. I'm trying to muster the courage but I'm so freaking ashamed of my feelings. Please don't tell me the therapeutic relationship in itself is special, I don't want to hear it and it isn't helpful for me. TIA.
Edit: typos and formatting.
Hey it's been a while,
As someone who has written about having a crush on my T and who has seen others do the same here, I'd advise that we be careful in doing so.
Therapists lurk here and then they discuss us somewhere we can't reply back. So, if you don't want to labelled as "crazy" or "predatorial" because you experience romantic transference, I'd limit the content you post on this sub.
Also, for anyone going through it right now, if you had told me 3 months ago that the transference would fade I wouldn't of believed you. I was head over heels for a full year and a half before it started to wane. It'll get better eventually, even though it's a b!tch to deal with it now. Good luck on your therapy journey y'all.
Edit: here we go again *sigh* I KNOW THERAPISTS ARE HUMAN BEINGS. I will automatically block anyone who comments this because this is absolutely not the point being discussed here. Safety of the people posting here is what i'm discussing.
Hello reddit,
I'm currently looking for friends specifically from these regions:
Icy snow
Tundra
Sandstorm
Sun
Ocean
Jungle
I would really be grateful if you add me. I obviously send gifts back, I'm from the polar region.
TIA ✌🏻
Hey there! I just started playing PokemonGo again two weeks ago. I've somehow become really interested in the different types of scatterbugs and would love to make friends with people from different regions. I'm from a polar region. I currently have scatterbugs from the continenal, modern and savannah regions.
Add me if you want to receive and send gifts! ☺️
Trainer code is 608467111322.