u/SaintAnn12

Age three is the hardest thing I have ever endured in my entire 28 years of living. These past few weeks have been hell😭😭. My three year old daughter is so emotional and reactive. I keep telling myself that it’s normal toddler behavior but it’s so hard! I can’t even imagine ever choosing to go through this again ever! She has always been such a chill kid. Flying with her was always a breeze! I have gotten so many compliments that she is such a calm baby and toddler. We’ve been on international 8+hr flights and no fuss, just talking, reading, playing and maybe waving at people and sleeping. But now I’m so nervous about our upcoming trip in January. Her tantrums and crying for every single thing, her frustrations when things don’t go her way and fits instead of asking for help is maddening! Idk what to do! We try authoritative parenting where we have firm boundaries and rules but still have a lot of room for grace because we understand that she is a toddler. So we don’t spank but use consequences like taking the toy away or not going somewhere we were going to go. Idk there’s a million parenting advice out there and I’m kinda lost!
Please tell me it gets better soon ish? What did you guys do in a season like this? Is it normal for them to have a sassy attitude? My husband and I are very mellow people, she doesn’t watch TV and I stay home with her so we have a pretty solid routine where we go to the park in the morning, come home and read then lunch then nap time. When she wakes up, we play on the floor for a while and her dad gets home then they keep playing and then family dinner, dishes, bath time routine with her dad and reading. The only thing that’s changed recently is maybe having company over? Does any of you guys’ kid get affected by guests staying for more than a week? My sister and her kids are visiting and they play very well with her and are older and sweet kids. My sister is very strict with them so idk if that’s why?😭 So many parenting styles and we’re trying to figure out how to support her in this season, create an emotionally stable kid while also balancing that with discipline and boundaries. Idk! How are your kids doing now? Did they do through a rough toddler season? How did you handle it? How are they doing now as older kids and how is their relationship with you as parents?

We need help😭

I’m one and done by choice because when we first got married I was supposed to finish Nursing school first and then have a baby. But we got pregnant a few months into our marriage and were completely unprepared for parenthood. Additionally, my husband lost his job into my third trimester and we were on edge about taking care of a child. Luckily, we didn’t have to pay rent because we lived in one my MIL’s houses rent free and had help with baby stuff from family. It was a rough start and we decided to be oad and had many other reasons for that decision. My sister on the other hand, graduated the same school with her husband, got married and waited a couple of years before having a baby. They both had excellent jobs, no student loans (full ride), and no car payments. They saved a lot of money to buy a house, traveled, lived in a nice condo and had a really sweet and fulfilling life. I was so happy for them and actually felt encouraged towards marriage because of looking at their beautiful life.

Fast forward 5 years later, they have 3 under 4 kids. She became a full blown trad wife— the instagram kind. Floral dresses, sourdough, antivaxx, anti mainstream laundry and cleaning products, anti dentist unless it’s an emergency, home births, and chicken coops to name a few. She got into med school and turned it down because she wanted to be that. I had to sit my father down and tell him to be ok with that. He was so heartbroken because he invested so much in our education and my sister was the smartest of all of us. She was a straight A student, very driven and incredibly hardworking. So, my family had very high expectations for her and I understand how high pressure that can be so I understand that people have to make their own decisions about their life.

Her kids are riddled with cavities and her clothes are all stained and ruined because of DIY “organic” laundry detergents that don’t work. She is constantly exhausted, overwhelmed, sleep deprived, on edge, and just all over the place. She up from sunup to sundown. Never sits down and the house is a giant mess! Toys everywhere, dishes in the sink and just overwhelming! She is not a hoarder or unhygienic so that’s good at least. Just messy but not filthy. And to be fair, her husband didn’t make her do anything. She chose this lifestyle on her own and he loves and supports her however she wants. He is a CPA and has his own business so they are not poor. But they’re not wealthy enough to hire constant help here in southern California.

Im saying this because a few days ago I spent some days at her place and got to meet some of her close friends. They are all similar in lifestyle and always pregnant with a baby under one. She was holding one of her friend’s newborn and was apparently riddled with baby fever. Her friends encouraged her to have the 4th baby even though her current last one is still tiny! And she was so convinced! I was quiet the whole time because I don’t like to meddle or give unsolicited advice or opinions. I was so confused wondering if she thinks it’ll get easier with two more kids(her wishes atm). I so wanted to ask why she wants or if she wants this. I wanted her to wonder if the influence around her was making her make these decisions. I wanted her to challenge herself and look at her current life and examine whether she wants this for 5+ more years! She is always stressed and her husband works long hours and tries to help as much as he can even after 12+ hr shifts. But that’s not enough to make 2 more. Idk why she wants this but I feel like even asking this would come off as problematic? What should I do? I love my sis so much and want her to thrive but idk what to do. Should I just butt out and mind my business or say something?

Thank u for reading I know this is too long😅!

I see a lot of sad and fearful parents on here and I totally understand and sympathize with them. Their feelings matter and I hope they find peace however they ended up becoming one and done💙. I’m a one and done by choice and I have a lot of reasons that I can’t list out for the sake of time and attention spans😅. Anyways, yesterday I had a grateful moment and wanted to share and encourage other parents in this group and ask those who can relate to share.

I’m a very clean and organized person (not OCD) and I love nice things. I love quality rugs, beautiful and quality bedding, furniture, and an overall well decorated yet functional home. My lo is 3 now and she is getting old enough for me to start adding nicer touches because she doesn’t touch or play with my house plants anymore and she doesn’t play in our bedroom so it’s fully decked out and all! We are both very intentional and hands on parents so that makes things easier for both of us for sure.

I’m sharing this because yesterday I was doing laundry and folding it quietly while she was taking a nap and realized how peaceful our life has gotten. As I said earlier, we love nice things. For example, I take my laundry very seriously! I separate colors and fabrics (merino wool and silk especially), I use different detergents, I love the Laundress brand— even though it’s pricey, it smells heavenly on my sheets and towels. I only use it for those and then use a more cost effective detergent for our clothes. I use boosters and other laundry aides to keep our clothes fresh, clean, and just well taken care of. Additionally, we use quality bedding and towels so I take time to make sure they are well cared for and always look nice. Our days are filled with peace because our lo is so sweet and honestly a pretty easy kid. She is so smart, kind, gentle, and beautiful with a side of toddlerhood ofc (iykyk😅). We are able to afford a lot of little luxuries because we only have one instead of multiples. Additionally, I love international cuisines and love making gourmet and healthy meals a couple of times a week. We eat mostly organic, pasture raised, and grassfed and if you live in California, that can get pricey quickly. But, it’s only 3 of us and we eat pretty small portions so our grocery budget is honestly reasonable! We are not rich by any means and our goal is to always save as much as we can so having another one would definitely make things tight. We have a good saving fund for her and her grandparents contribute to it as well so adding another is just not wise for our family. So, in saying all this, I just wanna hear from yall and encourage those who might be interested in exploring this option. The peace is unmatched and even chaotic moments are okay because we won’t have to repeat all over again and plus, I don’t wanna take a chance! I love my kid too much and I lucked out with her😅