u/SallowDiplocaulus

I lost my soul kitty Oonie yesterday.

She had a saddle thrombus a few weeks back, but after some vet assistance and some blood thinners, she got through it and regained function in her leg. They found the root cause to be hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. She did better for a few days but then stopped eating barely anything even her favorite tuna. She lost so much weight within a couple weeks.

I took her back to the vet to ask about appetite stimulants and as soon as we arrived she threw another clot and was in deep pain this time. I did not want her to suffer, and I already knew she was on her way out. The vet and I agreed it was her time, and I said goodbye to my little meow meow.

To say I am heartbroken is an understatement. I have never loved anything or anyone as much as I loved Oonie. 

I got Oonie when I was only 2 years old and do not remember a time in my life when she was not by my side.    She was my soul kitty and I do not believe I am capable of loving again the way I loved her.

Oonie was 17 years old just shy of her 18th birthday in October. She lived a wonderful, long life and she especially loved climbing trees, sleeping in every possible spot in our house, and bathing in the warmth from our fireplace in the cold winter months.

Nothing has ever hurt as bad as Oonie passing and I wish I could just die along with her most of the time. It feels like a black hole is sucking my heart in and stretching apart every fiber of my being.

My little meow meow, my sweet, my stinky little cuddle bug, my babygirl. Oonie, my greatest love and my most painful loss. My napping partner till the end. Rest in peace.

I've had my kitty since I was a baby. I dread the day she passes and cry every time I think about it. Her health is in good standing as of right now but she has been declining little by little over the past few years. She has been my rock and my best friend my entire life. I cannot imagine living life without her. How do you guys deal with this anticipatory grief?