Hello people
It’s been about two months since I got back into coke and speed.
At first it was just weekends. Work was a fucking mess. Me and my coworker couldn’t stand each other, and every shift felt tense as hell. I kept telling myself I was only using to switch my brain off after the week. That “weekends only” thing didn’t last long.
Before I knew it, it became the only way I knew how to deal with shit.
Now I barely do anything. If I’ve got nothing planned, I just lie in bed and can’t even be bothered getting up.
I quit my job because I knew there was nothing left to fix. I’d already done everything I could, and I wasn’t willing to destroy my mental health over a place that was never going to change. It was the right decision, but at the same time I lost my income.
Since I’m living in a country that’s not my own, I had no idea how to get everything back on track. That uncertainty hit me hard, and all those little triggers just kept piling up until I started using again.
Looking back, it was a stupid decision, and now I’m paying for it.
It’s not like my life completely fell apart overnight. It’s the little things. Stuff I used to enjoy doesn’t make me feel anything anymore. I used to think I had everything under control, but now I can see I don’t.
So while I’ve actually got the time, I’ve decided I’m going into rehab. I think it’s one of the smartest decisions I can make right now. I’d rather deal with this now than wait until it gets even worse.