Am I being unreasonable about my girlfriend actively seeking friends, including with men?
I'm 30M, and my girlfriend, 27F, has BPD and has struggled with maintaining stability in various areas of her life, so our 3-1/2-year relationship has been difficult at times. I have anxious attachment, low self-esteem and jealousy issues, and I'm working through these, but I can spiral badly when I feel threatened or insecure. Recently, she said that once things are better between us, she'd like to expand her social circle and make more friends, including men. I'm fine with friendships that develop organically through work or shared interests, but I feel uncomfortable with the idea of deliberately seeking male friends, even though I wouldn't feel the same way about her seeking female friends. I recognise that my insecurity may be influencing my reaction, but I'm struggling to understand whether my discomfort reflects a reasonable relationship boundary, anxious attachment, or something I need to work on. I've almost made up my mind to end the relationship, partly because I'm afraid my insecurities will continue to hurt us both, but I'm wondering whether I'm making the right decision or reacting out of fear.
TL;DR: My girlfriend has BPD, and I have anxious attachment and jealousy issues. I'm fine with her organically becoming friends with men, but uncomfortable with her actively seeking male friendships, despite being fine with her seeking female friends.