u/SandOwn3724

It looks like a nice gym, but is on the pricier side. Looking for a good third place, so taking recommendations for those as well!

My Q and I had a great relationship. I think partially this is because a lot of the drinking was happening when I wasn’t around and I wasn’t aware. We were so happy, and I loved him sober. I truly thought he was the one, and our friends and families all expected us to marry one day. Once things became more serious, I found myself constantly being disappointed and trying to control his drinking. I became more aware of the abuse, and it seemed to happen slowly- he’d say he was stopping by the store to get a 6 pack for us to share, and would come home with 12+, all drank by himself in one go. Stopping by the bar after work everyday. I’d find myself analyzing him when he got home to see how drunk he was. I’d count the cans in the fridge, hide them behind other things. I begged him to go to therapy or a meeting. We’d sometimes fight when he’d drink, about everything and anything. We were happy when he was sober. Ultimately we ended things after months of increasing arguments and stress between us.

It was a short break up, he asked for another chance, which I gave him. And things were good, I could see he was trying, but I had a hard time trusting him and enjoying the relationship after everything we’ve been through. I ended things, and miss him. I’ve been researching a lot about AlAnon, and have read Codependent No More, which was really helpful.

Now he is reaching out again, wanting to rekindle. There are thoughtful apologies, he’s taking responsibility for his actions, promises of change, sobriety, everything I wanted to hear the whole time we were together. I want to believe him. Part of me does. I know he probably doesn’t deserve another chance. But if I were to give him one, how do we work to rebuild our trust? How do I enjoy his sobriety and our relationship after so much damage has been done?

I’m not sure what he could do to make things okay, and I don’t want to give him the answer even if I knew what it was.