AITA for wanting to walk away from my (24F) unsaid relationship because my partner (28M) refuses to commit due to his life problems?
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I 24F have been seeing a guy 28M for about 9 months now. We are physically intimate, we don't see other people, and when we are together, the connection is amazing. However, we are in an entirely unsaid relationship. He hasn't officially committed, we don't use labels, and we don't say I love you.
To be fair to him, his life has been in absolute chaos since we started dating. He has been jobless the entire 9 months, and shortly into us seeing each other, his dad began facing severe medical issues. Because of this, he spends most of his time back home in Solapur taking care of his family. Out of the 9 months we’ve been together, we’ve probably spent only 3 months physically in the same room. He leaves for a month or two, comes back to visit me for just 3 to 4 days or a week, and every single time he is supposed to return on a specific day, it gets delayed for some reason.
I am his very first girlfriend or date ever. Because of this, I’ve had to teach him a lot of basic relationship etiquette, which is emotionally draining. But he does try. He is incredibly observant of my likes and dislikes, takes me on night rides when he is here, and even though he is broke, he refuses to let me pay for things. I try to step in and spend where I can, but he hates letting me. We have a ton in common and a genuinely great bond.
The issue is that when we are apart, I feel completely lonely, unsupported, and stuck in limbo. Whenever I try to bring up my need for deeper emotional security or ask where we are going, he shuts down or gets dismissive.
When we finally had a serious talk about it, his response was that he is jobless and dealing with so many problems so how can he give me a commitment right now. When I asked him what exactly we are, he literally told me that we should be the one, but because of his current life struggles, we aren't there yet.
This threw me into total confusion. It feels like he is dangling the carrot of a future together to keep me around, but using his bad circumstances as a shield to avoid actually stepping up as a partner.
I am completely burnt out from being the understanding, low maintenance partner. I told him that I can't keep living in this unsaid space and that I need clarity, or I have to walk away for my own peace of mind. He thinks I am being incredibly unfair and unsupportive by demanding a commitment and adding to his stress when his life and family are completely falling apart.
AITA for wanting to walk away from someone who is genuinely trying his best, just because he can't give me a label right now due to a family crisis and unemployment