u/Savings-Truth2529

So I (21m) was dumped by my ex (21m) nearly 3 months ago after over a year together. It was right person wrong time, though i suspect a fear of commitment as this was the first ever relationship for both of us.

Since then ive reinvented myself, gone to therapy, got an internship, seen friends, reinvested in hobbies, etc. all of the healthy stuff. I have reached a point of accepting that if he comes back id love to fall in love again. And if not, then such is life.

And things have been good. Today especially (i got a new car after my old one broke down). I feel good. I dont think about him like an addict trying to get sober. Most days im fine and i get on with life.

But it does feel a little empty. And when i sometimes do think about it i do miss him. But in a very bitter sweet way. Is this life post break up? Not casting him off, because he truly meant something to me. But just learning to live with the fact he chose, and continues to choose, a life without me?

And i dont think im 100% over it. We broke up pretty amicably so it’s not like theres any clear thing saying he was awful, screw him. Im embracing the ambiguity of it all. Im closing the door but not locking it.

I know the odds are i’ll find somebody else and i’ll be happy. But honestly? Im not sure i want to go through the effort. If love only brings you grief like this im not sure im strong enough to love.

So for now i’ll just be haunted by a past happiness i guess. I cant tell if any of this makes sense. Its just such an odd place to be.

So i (21m) was broken up with by my ex (21m) about 2 months ago after a year together. It was our first relationship for both of us. We settled on it being right person, wrong time. During these past 2 months ive cried, gone to the gym, poured my heart out on reddit, gone to therapy, hung out with friends, and about all of the good things to do on paper.

I still have hope my ex and i could reconcile. Build a life together. And we have been no contact for most of this time (save for a slip up by me near the beginning). And i understand that if theres any chance of making it out of this chapter better and maybe even back together this time, change, and self reflection is necessary.

Now here’s my confession. I have a guilty pleasure of checking his location whenever things are too quiet for me to bear. Today i indulged despite my better judgment and saw him out and about. I too have been going out, but for some reason this sent me spiraling. Was he on a date? Is it just friends? Maybe meeting his new lover? Maybe he’s moved on already?

All possible realities that i understand are none of my business now. To help calm myself i googled if theres actually cases where exes get back together and work out in the long run. This led me to treating google’s AI as an impromptu therapist.

It essentially said: 1. Me checking his location is like a drug that tells me we’re still together and i need to get off it.
2. Theres clear steps i could take to make sure the relationship lasts, but it’s clear that he has to be the one to want me back. That second one i kinda knew already.

I ended up going a manic cleaning campaign around my house to distract myself.

I know that the location stalking isnt a healthy coping mechanism (and using ai to help me with missing my ex probably isnt great either). I guess im wondering am i a bad person for doing these things? Am i the obsessed ex that ive been dreading not to be?

I just want him back more than anything. I want to know him again and to fall in love all over again. I didnt know i could love/yearn for anyone like this.

My dear S,

I have no idea why but today hurts so much more than usual. I know its only been 2 months but every second feels like anxiety and every time i blink im on the brink of tears.

Everywhere hurts without you. I have felt like this so many days but for some reason today im closer to breaking than almost any other.

Why did we have to end on a see you later. Why did we say i love you. Why did you give me your necklace when i left.

Why why why is the only thing going through my mind. That and if i could have you back. Please bring my love back to me. This hurts so much. I hate everyone and every noise because it’s not you.

I have all of this love and it has nowhere to go. And here im stuck at this job i hate so much. Trying not to cry.

I see you in every beautiful sight. I smell you the most unsuspecting places. I feel you with every heart beat.

I hate it here.

I know begging will do me no good. But i need to let it out. All of this yearning building up in my soul. I love you S. If i could I would love you and only you for the rest of my days.

Please come back to me.

Yours, and nobody else’s
I

My ex (21m) broke up with me (21m) 2 months ago. It was right person wrong time. We said i love you to each other at the end. I still do love him. But going through the hell that has been this experience ive also grown quite a lot.

I was a very vain very fake person. Via therapy and lots of self reflection ive learned that i try to mold myself into the personality that will most likely appease whoever im with. Ironically it got to the point where i didnt even know myself. With my ex i was always trying to be sexy, mysterious, funny, desirable, etc. and he never felt like he was let in. Ive been getting better at being my authentic self. And im a lot better, not perfect, but better.

Another thing i realized is that i made him reliable for my happiness. Yes a partner should be a source of happiness but i believe i was burdening him with the task of maintaining my happiness for me. Sort of an emotional support beam. And that was unfair of me. Again another thing i am working on. Im trying to build my life and happiness independent of anyone but myself.

And finally one of the big issues was that he came out to me with his gender identity and i didnt give him my support when he needed it. I was unsure and scared. And since then i have learned that no matter his gender i would still love him. I would desire him just the same no matter what. I guess thats one thing he rubbed off on me.

Recently ive been wanting to tell him all of this amazing progress ive made. Maybe in some mad attempt for reconnection. Maybe for closure. Because ive sort of made up my mind about how i feel about the situation: if he wants this then i will do everything i can to fight for us. But if he does not, i will respect his wishes.

I know if i break no contact it can only push him away. I just have this weird urge to reach out to him. Or this feeling that he’ll reach out to me. It’s driving me a little crazy.

Me and my now ex-bf have been broken up for about 2 months now after over a year together. Im doing all of the right things: im working on myself, im working out, im spending time with friends, working more, going to therapy, everything i could possibly think is healthy to do in a situation like this.

He was the one who did the breaking up, and essentially it was right person, wrong time. I think he didn’t expect to be in love when we met and he didnt know how to handle it. We had been fighting a bit up to that point, mostly bc we couldn’t make up our minds about what we wanted. A big thing for me was that he was exploring his trans identity and i didnt know if i could handle being in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. It sounds shitty, but i was scared and not sure what to do. Obviously we had other things but im not going to dig out our dirty laundry for the internet.

But despite all of it. Despite who did the heart breaking, our issues, my grief, and everything else I still want him. I want a relationship where we both work on ourselves and try to make it work. I feel ive been put through such a metamorphosis and i changed so much. Ive grown into quite the romantic and overall a much more healthy person.

Anyways the thing that pushed me to post my feelings was that today i missed him for things that didnt feel like the typical stuff. Usually i missed the big events, the intimate moments, the things i relied on for my needs. But today i found i missed his little gestures. The little bit of whimsy in every word he spoke. The little things i suppose.

Some days i am able to look back on us with a bitter sweetness. Other days i feel like falling apart. And a whole other gauntlet of emotions. But no matter what i come to the same conclusion: I love him. I probably always will. When we broke up he said he loved me too.

Anyways thats my impromptu rant. You could tell me this is natural, that im delusional, or whatever you think. But at the end of the day i let him in my heart, and ive never been good at letting go of that which i love. Im quite stubborn about that.