u/Scared-Chance5054

Sometimes I get hesitant and honestly overwhelmed when I think about filing new VA disability claims. I don't really know where to start, what I should file, or who I can actually trust to help me through the process.

I'm a U.S. Army veteran and served in both OIF and OEF. I currently have a VA rating for PTSD with alcoholism, but there are other issues I've considered filing claims for.

I've heard mixed things about private companies that help veterans with claims but take a percentage of back pay. I've also looked into VSOs, but my experience trying to get help and actually communicate with someone hasn't been great. So I'm asking the veterans who have successfully gone through this:

Who did you use? Did you handle your claims yourself, work with a VSO, use an accredited claims agent or attorney, or go another route? What worked for you, and what would you avoid?

I'm not looking for shortcuts or trying to game the system. I just want to make sure I'm filing legitimate claims correctly and providing the evidence the VA actually needs.

I'd really appreciate hearing from veterans who have been through this successfully.

Wife told me fix our intimacy or let her play outside the marriage

My wife hit me with something today that honestly f***d me up.

She told me shes unhappy with our intimacy and basically said I need to fix it or be open to letting her play outside our marriage.

I didnt even know what to say.

I have PE and I f****g hate it. Always have. Its embarrassing and its something thats been in my head for a long time. I know it affects our sex life and I know she has needs too. Im not gonna sit here and act like her feelings dont matter because they do.

But damnhearing that from my wife hurt.

I love this woman. Im attracted to her, I want her, and I want her to be satisfied. Its not like I dont give a shit or haven't thought about this myself. PE already makes me get in my head during sex and now I feel like the pressure just went through the damn roof.

Now every time we're intimate am I gonna be thinking was that good enough? Did I last long enough? Is she satisfied? Is she thinking about getting it somewhere else?

Thats where my head is right now.

And the outside marriage part really f****d with me. Im not judging people who have open marriages or do their own thing. Thats just never been something I pictured for my marriage. I dont know if I could emotionally handle my wife being with somebody else.

At the same time I dont want her miserable either.

Im willing to work on my PE. Doctor, therapy, different things in the bedroom, whatever. Im not running from the problem.

But right now I just feel embarrassed as hell, hurt and honestly kinda broken down by the whole conversation.

I dont really have anybody I can talk to about something like this without feeling judged or embarrassed, so im putting it here.

Just needed somewhere to get this shit off my chest.

I’m hoping to hear from people who have been married for many years and have gone through difficult seasons in their relationship, especially from those of you who may have experienced a period where you felt disconnected from your spouse, communication had broken down, resentment or hurt had started to build, and you weren’t sure how to find your way back to each other. There has been a huge lack of communication in my marriage, and over time it has created a wedge between us that I can feel more and more. There are things that don’t get said, feelings that don’t get expressed, and conversations that probably should happen but somehow never do, and I think the longer that pattern continues, the harder it becomes to know how to break out of it.

One thing I struggle with personally is that sometimes I honestly don’t know what to say or how to respond, especially when emotions are involved, so instead of saying the wrong thing or making the situation worse, I end up staying quiet. I realize that silence can be just as damaging as saying the wrong thing, and I don’t want to continue falling into that pattern, but I’m also trying to understand how people learn to communicate when communication has never been their strongest point or when years of hurt and distance have made it difficult to simply sit down and talk openly with each other.

For those of you who have been married for 20, 30, 40 years or longer and are still genuinely happy, connected, and thriving together, I would really love to hear what changed things for you when your marriage was struggling. Was there a particular conversation, realization, decision, habit, or change in the way you treated or communicated with each other that helped turn things around? Did you ever reach a point where you wondered whether your marriage could recover, and if so, what helped you find your way back to each other?

I’m not really looking for advice about who is right or wrong, and I’m not looking to blame either person because I’m sure most long marriages have complicated seasons where both people contribute to the distance in different ways. I’m more interested in hearing the wisdom that comes from having lived through it, made mistakes, learned how to communicate differently, and ultimately figured out how to stay connected. If you could go back to the hardest period of your marriage and give your younger self one piece of advice about communication, resentment, forgiveness, emotional distance, or simply learning how to show up for your spouse when things are hard, what would you tell yourself?

I would genuinely appreciate hearing the honest answers, including the things you wish you had done differently, because I’m at a point where I don’t want to just accept that this is how things are going to be. I want to understand whether marriages can really change course after years of poor communication and distance, and what it actually takes from both people to get there.