u/ScarredThowaway

I spoke with a girl I have been on and off with for about 10 years (we both have severe mental health issues and agree that putting a label on us as dating is going to add unneeded stress on us) about my self harm and opened up about relapsing. Ever since I've felt super guilty about it. I want to be open and honest with her because I feel it's the right thing to do, but I also feel if I do talk to her it's going to make her feel bad or disgusted with me and I don't want that either. No matter what I do I'm left feeling guilty and worse off. Does anyone have any advice on how to move forwards?

I've dealt with near constant suicidal thoughts for just over a decade of my life, any and all thoughts that could even slightly relate to suicide instantly become thoughts and fantasies of ending my own life, with the longest gaps being a couple of hours, and the average being about half an hour. I don't want to tell my doctors that I think I am dealing with suicidal ideation if it's not, I don't want to waste their time if it's just something people deal with.

I hate that I love that my work makes it so easy to publicly sh and nobody bat an eyelid. I work with hot machinery (between 160 and 250c) and sharp blades on the daily, and it's so easy to just grab hold of something too soon after it's come out of the hot machinery and while it won't burn me it'll hurt like hell, and as long as I don't show too much of a reaction people just assume I don't feel the heat and ignore it, same if I play chicken with myself leaving my hands on the machinery for as long as I can. Then with sharp blades it's easy enough to just go "whoops I slipped and sliced my hand open, guess I'll go grab some bandages" and everyone just accepts it was an accident as long as I don't do it too often. I love that I have the opportunity to just indulge those urges without people caring, but I hate it because I know this isn't healthy for me