u/Sea-Disaster3465

I am soooooo attuned to the micro changes in facial expressions as people process what I’m saying. I am regularly able to tell how a person is responding in their mind within a couple seconds. Because of this I do a lot of redirecting, further explaining, whatever it is to keep conversations headed in a “good” direction. And being overly sensitive to these tiny changes also makes me question what I’ve said pretty frequently. I feel like I am not allowing people space to process things privately.

It’s tiring but I don’t know how to stop. Anybody else?

Last year, I was abruptly abandoned by the closest person I have ever allowed in my life. We were not romantically involved, but had a very intimate and close relationship. Spent 8 years virtually inseparable. We had a whole established life that really involved each other. Doing things in each others homes for one another, traveling together. We had previously lived together and gotten pets that stayed at his house when I moved out because he had the better property.

A new girlfriend entered his life and felt threatened by me…. Unfortunately he lied to her about our history, she found out, gave him an ultimatum.. And now he’s gone. The only person I truly trusted and regularly relied on in my entire adulthood.

My childhood sucked. By 18 I was on drugs. By 20 I was an SW. I needed away, and he helped me get out. In a lot of ways, I think I can say for certain I’d be dead without him. And I absolutely hate giving that credit where it’s due. It eats me alive. Sometimes I wish he’d have just left me alone and I could have escaped all of this.

It’s been 9 months of no contact. 9 months since I saw my dogs. I am sterile, will never have children of my own. Those dogs are the only children I’ve ever had and I am so deeply haunted by the way I grieve them.

I can’t escape him and the dogs in my dreams. To the extent it’s like really impacting my quality of life. I wake up and am overwhelmed by the grief. I cry for hours. I’ll have them back and then he comes and takes them from me. I have to relive the worst loss of my life almost nightly. In the dreams, I often set up my sucide. Get any supplies, write a note, say my goodbyes. Waking up from that is so incredibly distressing. I don’t want to die in my waking hours, but those dreams.. fuck that is like really heavy to wake up from

I’ve slept sober. I’ve tried weed. I eat gummies. I take Klonopin (prescribed). Even going to sleep drunk, I still dream :(

I talk to my therapist about it but it doesn’t change anything it just keeps the conversation going. I am beginning to feel like it is inescapable and I’m starting to avoid going to sleep so I don’t have to feel the loss again every morning.

I don’t know why I’m complaining here really, other than to whine into the abyss about how my grief is consuming me but if anybody can relate, you’re not alone

And if anybody has ever dealt with this after a massive loss, please tell me if it ever got better

Last year, I was abruptly abandoned by the closest person I have ever allowed in my life. We were not romantically involved, but had a very intimate and close relationship. Spent 8 years virtually inseparable. We had a whole established life that really involved each other. Doing things in each others homes for one another, traveling together. We had previously lived together and gotten pets that stayed at his house when I moved out because he had the better property.

A new girlfriend entered his life and felt threatened by me…. Unfortunately he lied to her about our history, she found out, gave him an ultimatum.. And now he’s gone. The only person I truly trusted and regularly relied on in my entire adulthood.

My childhood sucked. By 18 I was on drugs. By 20 I was an SW. I needed away, and he helped me get out. In a lot of ways, I think I can say for certain I’d be dead without him. And I absolutely hate giving that credit where it’s due. It eats me alive. Sometimes I wish he’d have just left me alone and I could have escaped all of this.

It’s been 9 months of no contact. 9 months since I saw my dogs. I am sterile, will never have children of my own. Those dogs are the only children I’ve ever had and I am so deeply haunted by the way I grieve them.

I can’t escape him and the dogs in my dreams. To the extent it’s like really impacting my quality of life. I wake up and am overwhelmed by the grief. I cry for hours. I’ll have them back and then he comes and takes them from me. I have to relive the worst loss of my life almost nightly. In the dreams, I often set up my sucide. Get any supplies, write a note, say my goodbyes. Waking up from that is so incredibly distressing. I don’t want to die in my waking hours, but those dreams.. fuck that is like really heavy to wake up from

I’ve slept sober. I’ve tried weed. I eat gummies. I take Klonopin (prescribed). Even going to sleep drunk, I still dream :(

I talk to my therapist about it but it doesn’t change anything it just keeps the conversation going. I am beginning to feel like it is inescapable and I’m starting to avoid going to sleep so I don’t have to feel the loss again every morning.

I don’t know why I’m complaining here really, other than to whine into the abyss about how my grief is consuming me but if anybody can relate, you’re not alone

And if anybody has ever dealt with this after a massive loss, please tell me if it ever got better