u/Sea_Reputation_8464

Hollywood calls my look fashion, I call it - not able to afford 3 meals a day

A lot to unpack here, but I’m working myself to death and everything I cherish keeps getting taken away from me…

I’ll start with 4/20, after a good day at work I stopped at the grocery store. Walked outside to see my car hit so hard that instead of being in the parking space, it was on the sidewalk. The next morning, my bf was bringing me to work and our child to his parents for the day. Before I even knew which lot they towed my car to, my mother and her bf pulled up to my bfs car to say we needed to be out of her house that day.

Why were we living with my mother you may ask? I’ve been living there on and off since high school, but recently came back with my daughter and bf as she invited us. We were previously living in an apartment with black mold, roaches, hidden fees, and management problems disguised as a “luxury apartment”. She had been expressing stress about us living there, but in the beginning of the year I started a serious search for us to get our own place (with pushback from my bf, since we don’t have much money). I tried giving her the money she asked for towards electricity in march, but she didn’t want it any of the times I offered it (like a get it later kind of thing - there has also been minimal communication bc my mother spends 95% of her free time at her bf’s and her house is a glorified storage unit). Well she never got it later, since she promptly kicked us out of the house.

The situation isn’t a simple “get out” either, as she’s got a lawyer and her bf says he’s got restraining orders (?). They say they feel threatened, though every fight she has had with me has been something where she won’t let me speak and is just a yelling match (example - the week prior, I didn’t get a chance to reply to my cousin all day about helping me get SNAP benefits because I can’t use my phone for 9 hours during the day and was spending my afternoon getting my taxes sent in on time - tried explaining that I hadn’t gotten the chance to text her back yet and she said “fine, don’t do anything to help yourself then”). Well let me say here that one of the last texts she sent me was that she expects all of my things (and 2 large cats) out by June 1st and that all communication with her is to be through her lawyer. She isn’t caring for my cats, so while I’m not there I need to also fit in time every morning and afternoon to care for them.

Let’s get back to the car… flashback to 4/21 day after my car was hit. I took the day off, as they confronted us with police and the officer said we could neither stay at the house or go to my bfs parents house, where we needed to drop our child off for daycare. Naturally, we both had to take the day off of work. During my time off I tried to square away insurance issues and find a rental car. The at-fault drivers insurance said there was nothing more I could do no matter how many people I called and I had to wait 24 hours. 24 hours pass, no phone call. During my 30 min break, I find out that guy doesn’t have enough coverage and I need to do everything through my own insurance - started a claim in 15 min bc I can’t use my phone while I’m working and I get out of work too late to be able to talk to anyone. Next day I arrange to get my rental and release my car to the autobody shop for repairs within my short lunch break (proud of myself but everyone still thinks I don’t do enough with my time).

Anyway, you’d think things would smooth out a little with the car? LOL they LOST my car for over a week. I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t do my due diligence to contact all these places during my 30 min window phone use every day (also shout out to my dad for being the one guiding light through this dumpster fire). After they found my car they said they would rush the estimate (24 hours) - nope, over a week later I get a notification that an estimate was received but no information about what it is and can only contact useless robots (anyone who has State Farm should switch, unorganized and terrible customer service). I got ahold of someone the next day to find out that the car is indeed totaled, on the last possible day I could wait to make the payment on it (if it wasn’t totaled). Just started looking for a car because every time I said it sounded totaled they said no, they were working on an estimate. Well my extension on my rental got revoked the moment they decided my car was totaled, so now I only have a few days to find a car or I’m going to lose my job because I won’t have a way to get there (and already am having problems from missing work and being late with all this shit).

Did my mom and her bf go easy on me during this time? Absolutely not. They bumped the timeline to get out over to May 5th, the Tuesday after my birthday weekend (birthday was May 1st). Thanks mom! Luckily my dad advocated for me and I tried calling their lawyer - it’s not in writing but I have a storage unit to get my things out of the house by June 1st and not sure what I’m going to do about my cats. Since my dad advocated for me, they are no longer speaking to him. So far my sister is blindly listening to them (she’s staying “neutral”) so my mom still dumps all of her hatred of me onto her, which my dad gets to hear about from my sister.

I’m still moving along, trying to find housing, trying to find a car, staying in my bf’s parents house, making it to work every day - AND still doing lesson planning in my free time because I am a teacher (emotions staying regulated and strong for all my kids, not just my biological one). But every night, the few hours I have with my family, my bf and I fight. I have no energy left, please believe me when I say I am trying to avoid conflicts at all costs. Some nights he’s suspicious of me, as if I’d even have the emotional capacity to cheat or even have a conversation with a person other than my dad helping me through my issues. Other times, its because I’m trying to find a place and he wants to stay in his parents attic (“sorry, but it’s time for you to look for a home for your cats” and that I’m wasting all of our money for just a home for my cats). Context on the cats - he says he can’t live with them because of allergies and while we were at my mom’s they lived upstairs while we slept downstairs. Living this way is so toxic for me and my 3 year old. And I got my cats when I was in college, I’ve had them for 11 years and they were with me through some of the most difficult times of my life (abusive relationship, drug abuse, financial hardship, etc). I’m terrified throughout all of this that trying to stay strong and advocate for myself is going to result in a custody battle and I’m going to lose EVEN MORE time that I barely have with my child.

Listen, I’m so damn proud of myself even if my dad is the only other person who is. I’m still here, I’m still fighting, and I’m so fucking sad. Not sure what anyone can say to make the situation better, so here I am venting.