u/Secret_Admirer26

Both in our 30s and were new in our relationship...

I pulled away first due to my own anxiety and he jumped it as being a breakup.. I tried to reassure him that it wasn't, just need of space, but he remained cold and shut down..

He's sensitive and may self-sabotage when it comes to deep connection, which we have.. and amazing intimacy, chemistry, mind sets, etc. we truly fell for each other no doubt about it! He's everything I've looked for and would happily have him be my forever!

We left it opened-ended during our last call/text... and as he was angry/defensive and said it's done forget about him! ...I thought to give him space and he'll come back when calm... It's nearly 3 weeks now and I'm lost and aching :/

Where is his head at?

What is he waiting for or expecting?

Why is he so quick to throw away while in love?

What can I do and how should I approach?

Met the perfect guy (both in our 30s) for me a few months ago, REALLY hit it off, similar in every way, he booked trips away within weeks, confessed his love, looks at me and holds me like I'm treasure, good looking, perfect chemistry, intimacy, same family plans, same interests, everything on point...!

Now learning he's fearful avoidant and I'm more anxious but can be avoidant too.. he often gets paranoid that I have someone else, when conflict arises he asks if the damage is done rather than problem solved... Says he loves me so much it scares him, then calls me trouble, always give him butterflies in his stomach but now that's turned into a bad gut feeling, even though I haven't done anything or changed at all... He seems to need reassurance/validation that I care and am loyal... He is a self proclaimed semi-avoidant, sensitive and maybe self-sabotages...

Now we're in a no contact silent mode as his accusations and hot and coldness got me thinking I should step back to get my head together incase it was love bombing... He responded with a harsh reaction that I broke up with him and by text! When I tried to explain that's not it, just needed a minute, but he remained cold with me ...

I left an open-ended text the next day with a 'no need to reply' just sending good vibes kinda thing to calm nerves on both sides and hopefully break his defence mode... he saw it and never replied... 2/3 weeks ago now...

Miss him, love him, everything.. but don't know what to do!

Any other man I would cut off no problem, but this one was genuinely the first kind I've met that was really perfectly matched to me... Other than the trauma responses of being avoidant..

Anyone been with an avoidant long term.. have advice?

Can anyone explain what, why and how this all went south?

Should I break the silence or let it drag out?